pre teen making my blood boil

[saulaboutme]

I've just changed the sheets on my daughters bed and was furious to find squashed down beside the bed in a plastic bag empty sweet wrappers, can of fanta and bottle of fanta...worst was dirty underwear (yuuugghh I know)!! She has done this before, but the dirty underwear is just unacceptable. I've taken her money away so she can't get anymore and until the underwear situation improves. Any advice, btw she knows about personal hygene and does get treats. I felt like boxing her into next week but I'm not like that

how old is she op?

she's 12, I know it could be worse but I've told her and told her how important it is for a girl her age to be clean, AND in hot weather. + the sneaking. She can be so dishonest and has stolen from me before as well, only a couple of pounds but small theft can lead to bigger things. I just don't understand it. think I've been too soft on her. She is doing very well at school, has nice friends and has beautiful things, she's being greedy and sloopy!

sorry, SLOPPY!

The messy bed sounds very familiar. I change bed sheets and thats all now. DD14 room is disgusting sometimes, and then she'll have a mad half hour and it'll be immaculate.
The stealing is more of a problem though.

you sound pretty angry op. it does sound pretty yuk but have you thought that she might be quite unhappy / worried about something to be behaving in this way (on top of typical 12 year old behaviour)? The personal hygeine issues and the stealing would concern me. I think you need to really talk to her rather than being less "soft" on her.

My DD is nearly 14 and I've had this for a couple of years - crisp/chocolate wrappers, mouldy sandwiches that have come back from school, dirty pants stuffed in drawers, clothes everywhere. I think it's pretty normal, I know I was the same at her age, I drove my parents mad, but I'm now a really tidy organised person (most of the time)
I have a pretty relaxed attitude and approach to it - I do remind her to have a clean up regularly but most of the time I just shut the door! Her mess, her space, her responsibility. Sometimes I'll put everything on her bed so I can hoover, but most of the time I leave well alone. I wash what makes it into her washing basket (she has her own - in her room)
Not much help probably, but on the mess front, I do think it's fairly typical!

I think the stealing is more of a worry if that's what it is. Could she not just have borrowed it and forgotten to say? My two teens often do. Talk to her, keep the lines of communication open, it's so easy for them to clam up at this age.

Well first day of punishment over and into day 2, I've told her I'm keeping her money as well until I see an improvement in her hygene. I will also have a good talk with her. On a good note I had a call from her HT last night saying she has been chosen to represent her school in the primary to secondery trasition programme due to outstanding behaviour and grades! So that cheered us both up! She is very shy so this may be a boost for her. She also shares a bedroom with her brother (bunk beds) he's 7. That could have something to do with it. She needs her privacy now?

I would say at 12 she probably does need her own space, is it possible?
When my dd&ds were 7&8 we put a folding partition in the middle of the room because my dd is very neat and tidy and ds1 much much much more mess

He is 13 now and still messy but I decided life is too short to spend hours cleaning his room so I just shut the door.