rather strict parenting style - anyone aware of it

[idealism]

So, my Bro and SIL have a baby, their first born. here are their rules...
only they can hold her
no one else can change a nappy
no photos
no cuddles unless she is smiling
no one will babysit her
no one will push the pram except them
no one in house when she is asleep in case she awakes
this includes all immediate family mmbers.
Apparantely this is from a book and hv's are suggesting this..... my kids are teenagers now, - but anyone else heard of this...? Feel upset about it.

I am very surprised that they have managed to sustain this for 9 months.

Good lord, they are going to have a horrific few years coming up if they don't adapt soon.

Their baby, their rules, but I doubt that any book would have recommended this strategy and certainly not an HV. "No one in the house if she's asleep" just sounds like a recipe for getting rid of all your friends. Any history of neuroses or anxiety-driven behaviour in your DB or SIL previous to this?

They will also have to realise that once they are out of their house it is not 'their baby, their rules'-I think they will be in for a shock once they have to stop being isolated from real life.

They sound batshit crazy. So sorry OP, it's a real shame that you're not able to even give your baby niece a hug.

I have an 8 month old and yes, I'm probably too laid back about him (goes to daycare, is held by all and sundry, nekked beach photos on facebook, sleeps with dogs barking around him and anyone is welcome to change his shitty nappy in the morning) but everything listed above makes me think that they are setting that poor child up for a lifetime of misery and she will find it so hard to adapt to any situation that is slightly different to what she's used to. She can't build her own relationships with extended family, she can't interact with any "friends" - that poor child. She will grow up clingy and unsure of herself because she isn't being able to explore her world without the confines of her parents.

I get that your DB and SIL think that what they're doing is the best thing but who is it best for? Your niece is not their possession. Presumably they gave her life so that she could grow up and live it? They are doing her such a disservice.

Hopefully they will relax a bit by the time she turns one and you can make up for all those hugs then.

Sounds to me like overprotective parenting.
Not good, I hope they change for the sake of the child.

Not my chosen style of parenting for sure, but it's their baby and their rules. One day they may regret it, but really that's down to them and nobody else.

I think it's jsut pfb syndrome. I can remember feeling the same with my first, but telling myself it wasn't normal and I did have to let go a bit. I hated anyone else holding her or pushing her pram too.

Once another comes along, or the baby starts to crawl and cause mayhem, they will more than likely relax a bit.

There are various schools of parenting that limit contact with people other than mum & dad for the first few weeks. Maybe they started following this and forgot to stop!?

It all seems a bit strange at 9 months. As others have said; smile, nod, back away slowly.

OP... you have to get the title of the book.:)

Do they have some unusual beliefs in other parts of their lives? The no photos and no cuddles thing sounds like one of those things that has all sorts of logical reasoning from odd belief systems behind it. You know, a bit like the Scientology no noise during labour thing.

Sounds rather awful, I have two children, bit bigger now, but we gave them plenty of love and affection and of course attention when needed, that's key for success, as you get double the amount back.

And they are both completely in agreement about this approach? Or is one them driving it? Are they part of some sort of cult?

It's bonkers and unsustainable, btw.

what book is it?? Maybe they've been stretching what the HV has recommended? I'm sure the HV would recommend a good sleep routine. I'm v.guilty of doing a lot of those things, even with my 16month old dc3. I'm currently having a meltdown about trying to plan days out for my older kids to fit in with his afternoon sleep during 1/2term. So I can see where they're coming from if they're a bit uptight about things but it's not really harming her is it?
They'll come a bit unstuck when their 9month old becomes a bit more independent and runs off for cuddles from other family members.

I think it is a rather serious case of PFB syndrome.

I should certainly smile-but I think that meaning it is virtually impossible! If they are that anxious they need outside help.

I am sure once their 9mo reaches toddlerhood they'll soon be desperate for a break as they'll be run off their feet (or when DC2 is due!). Let them get on with it! Rod for their own back in the long run...

Or, to play devil's advocate, is it a reaction to, ahem over enthusiastic family/friends?

Like ones who well and truly outstay their welcome, or won't give the baby back when she's crying, or weirdly obsessed by taking off the nappy and looking at bits and pieces, or posting pictures all over facebook.

I know people like this. However, I still grimace smile and pour myself a drink.

hmmmm devil's advocate here too

i had a couple of relatives who were like this - both in -laws iyswim

v v strict to family on what we were allowed to do - in their case it was, i believe down to a few factors - they didn't particularly want us to have much to do with their baby,also one mum was protecting herself from the 'friendly advice' that would have come from her mil and i think she was a bit lacking in confidence/slightly stressed out whole baby thing and wanted everyone to leave her to get through it all in peace

each to their own i suppose