AIBU for feeling massive guilt over second child

[LordGiveMeStrength]

I'm feeling horrific about the lack of time we have for our second child (ds - 15 months). With our first (dd - 3yo) we had so much time for her to sit and play games, do loads of flashcards, etc. But with two it's hard to get everything in. I feel terrible because sometimes he's just left to play with himself.

Just worry that i'm not putting as much "good quality" time into him as we were able to do with our daughter and that i'm doing him a major disservice. He's a very laid back boy and sleeps great and is generally soooo happy and cheerful, I think that's why we've been more chilled with him.

Having major mummy guilt.

is generally soooo happy and cheerful,

So what's to feel guilty about?

Flashcards? Really? With a child who was presumably under two at the time? They really don't need it and, looking back, it's the kind of stuff you do just to fill the time because it can actually be quite hard to fill the days with a small baby. (I do remember that).

I have two and my younger one is nearly 1. She has so much richer a time than her sister did at the same age. They sit and fight play with bricks together, splash each other in the bath. She has a playmate all day long and goes to playgroups and activities I never would have taken DD2 on her own. Yes she misses some one-on-one time, but boy does her sister compensate.

Relax, and go with the flow.

number 2 has something number 1 never had though - an older sibling to learn from. I've only had one, but my sister has two and she was amazed at how much more quickly number 2 grasped everything (same age gap as yours).

totes what GG said

Suppose my biggest guilt is that he doesn't seem to be verbally as advanced as his sister was at his age. He tries lots of sounds but isn't really making words yet. I know boys develop verbally later than girls but I still feel that maybe my not having as much time to give 100% to him is holding him back. He does love being read to and brings me books throughout the day to sit in my lap and be read to, and I would never not read to a child who wants a story, but still wish he was hitting verbal milestones.

He's 15 months. That's totally within normal. Try not to assume that because your first child did something at a particular age, your younger one will. That way lies madness and frustration. They do things in their own time and I honestly believe that your ability to influence that type of developmental stage is minimal at best.

thanks everyone, you're right about the sibling effect. His older sister loves playing with him and in the morning they run about thick as thieves giggling and playing.

As my husband says, I've always got to have something to stress over.

Hi all,
We have moved this to parenting now.

Best wishes

Rebecca
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