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Not sure what to do about DD and boy next door.

14 replies

MiseryBusiness · 28/05/2012 14:20

DD1 is nearly 6. We live in a semi and the dividing fence of our garden to next doors garden is just a 3ft chicken wire fence.

Next door have a son of 5 yrs. My DC's and next doors DC's often talk through the fence which is fine obviously.

We get on ok with the parents. Although they've had to apologise to us a few times because this boy can be extremely rude to us and DCs.

His Dad has also apologised once when this boy really beat his little brother up in front of my DC and made them cry. Luckily the Dad stopped it quite quickly so it didnt go on very long but he was very vicious.

Anyway, yesterday DD1 was in the garden in her swimsuit as it was hot and we had the paddling pool out. DD1 started to talk to the boy next door. I was sat by the door and could hear everything. DD told him she needed a wee and came to walk in side. He asked her to ''just do it out here'' so I put my head round the door and told DD to go to the toilet, she did. Then when she went back to talking to lad next door he asked her ''will you show me your hole, the one you wee from?'' DD said no and he said ''I wont be your friend then'' I then went outside and said to DD that they should think of something else to talk about.

They both looked a bit sheepish but started talking about the paddling pool and the like so I just stayed within ear shot. To be honest I didn't really know what to say.

Later DD told me thats not the first time he has asked her the same thing and he has also asked to see her ''boobies'' before. I've told her that its not appropriate and now she is worried that this boy wont be her friend and might hurt her. I have told her that she doesn't need to worry about that and they'll still be friends etc.

I dont know whether to ask his parents to talk to him about boundries with other children and if he is curious about females that maybe they could talk to him about that too but I feel like I also might be interferring in their parenting. I dont know I just feel uncomfortable about it. What do you think?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TheMonster · 28/05/2012 14:22

Some level of natural curiosity at that age is normal.

MiseryBusiness · 28/05/2012 14:28

Yes I know, I'm not saying they did anything wrong or that he did anything worng in asking, really.

My DD isn't comfortable with it though. She only considered doing it because she thought he wouldn't be her friend or that he might get angry and hurt her. This is the problem, I think. Natural curiosity is fine but pressuring another child to do something they dont want to is not ok.

I dont think I want DD to be the one to satisfy his curiosity when she doesn't want to.

She has asked me about boys having a penis before, I'm open and honest about the differences.

I dont know, maybe I am over thinking it?

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LunarRose · 28/05/2012 15:04

Quiet word with next door neighbour. You daughter has boundaries and is uncomfortable. the boy needs to be taught to respect that.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/05/2012 15:44

I'd tell her not to talk to the little boy next door any more and not be his friend because, frankly, he sounds like a little horror. Beating up a child to impress others and asking questions that go way beyond 'natural curiosity' I would not call normal behaviour in a 5yo. Tell her it's OK to say 'go away' and, if she has any more problems, you'll intervene

MiseryBusiness · 28/05/2012 15:52

I am actually in shock. DC's were playing out in the garden and the boys next door were playing in their garden too.

DD1 started shouting No, No! I ran out and this boy was pinning his younger brother down and trying to cut his finger off with a pair of garden secateurs!!

I pretty much jumped the fence and grabbed them off him, poor little boy.

Mum and Dad were home and seemed very annoyed at me. They think he was just messing around!

I've brought the girls in now so they're not playing with them. DD1 seems in shock too.

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ipswichwitch · 28/05/2012 15:58

Jesus Christ, wether they think he was messing about or not, no 5 year old should have access to secateurs. From the sound of it, it's only a matter of time before the little boy gets really hurt

pinkthechaffinch · 28/05/2012 16:01

After your last post, I'd be inclined to have a chat with s s

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/05/2012 16:06

He sounds disturbed.

MiseryBusiness · 28/05/2012 17:18

I dont know what to do about it all, really.

Last week the little boy cut his face with a razor that had been left lying around and I kind of thought it was just a one off, terrible accident.

Going to talk to DH now.

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AmbrosiaCreamedMice · 28/05/2012 17:42

High fences make great neighbours.

LunarRose · 28/05/2012 18:26

Omg! Very high fences!

SecrectFarleysNibbler · 28/05/2012 18:33

Yep - invest in some fencing. Agree that razors and secateurs being left around is disturbing. What if this boy had hold of them again and has access to your dc through the chicken wire?? I would be furious if I thought the other parents did not take that seriously. He does not sound like the kind of little boy I would want my daughter around. You are more than within your rights to be concerned here

AndImFeelingSoBohemianLikeYou · 28/05/2012 19:02

Perhaps call SS? Inappropriate sexual behaviour at such a young age is a sign if abuse. Plus the secateurs thing is just horrible. Sad

MiseryBusiness · 28/05/2012 19:17

Been talking to DH. He is going to put a fence up at the weekend.

He's not sure SS will be interested as nothing actually happened iyswim?

He does seem quite an unhappy little boy. He is very nasty to his little brother.

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