Advice for first day with childminder?

[eversomuch]

Have arranged childcare a few hours a week for DD (14 months). She'll be being looked after by a friend who works as a nanny and is between gigs at the moment. My friend has a little girl a little older than DD, so she'll have a playmate. But although we see them fairly regularly, DD isn't used to being left alone with other people so I'm afraid well, I know she'll freak out when I leave her alone with them.

I'm wondering if I should just hang around home the first day (I have a zillion things to do that I've been neglecting for lack of time) or take the plunge and head out into town for a few hours. If I do go out, I plan to stay home for the first hour and be gone a maximum of 2 1/2 hours.

Any advice on how to handle getting your LO used to childcare? Ease into it gently or just hope if DD does panic that she'll calm down quickly?

I would go down the gentle route. Can you just hang around the first time they come, and then the second or third time go out for a short period of time? 2 1/2 hours is a very long time to be gone the first time your DD is left with someone else, IMO. Maybe 30 mins would be better, and then build up on that, depending on your DD's reaction. Also, IME your reaction to having your friend there is very important, if you're stressed your DD will pick up on that.

I'm sure your DD will be fine, but I really think it's better to take it slowly and give her a bit of time to get used to being with someone else and to understand that you're always coming back.

first of all, unless you've missed out a bit in your OP, she is not a childminder, registered, crb checked, insured etc

ok, got that bit out of the way

I would settle in a child by having child and parent for coffee a couple of times, then move towards leaving the child with me for a short time and then extending the period gradually, over a number of weeks.

The first time you leave DD, go get yourself a glossy mag and have a coffee in a nearby cafe, distract yourself. Don't go far in case you get called back

When I settled my DS with his first CM at 5.5mo I was on maternity. We went together to play at hers for 30mins-1hr, or we went to meet her for an hour at various groups she went to in the mornings, at least 15 times over the course of 2 months before he actually started.

Then when he started we did 1hr, 2hrs, 3hrs, 4hrs, 5hrs over the first week (he now does 5hrs every day).

I then had to settle him with a new CM at 14mo as sadly his first one retired. At this point it was more difficult as I was already working. I think we went to play together at hers 4 times before he started then my DH cancelled a holiday so he could do the 1hr - 5hrs pattern over a week the same as we did the first time.

Both times it went fine.

I would agree that being very positive towards your childminder is important, should not be difficult for you as she is a friend.

when DS and then DD started nursery, the first time they went I stayed with them in the baby room, and we just stayed for half an hour. I sat with a magazine and let them explore without me, but they knew I was there. Then the next day I took them in and left them for an hour. - yes they were upset, but the short amount of time reassures them you are going back to pick them up. Then i did the same the next day. Then the following week booked them in for half days. I think it helps if they go for shorter sessions, but close together at the beginning - nursery staff used to tell me that the children who only went one or two sessions a week took a lot longer to settle. - FWIW, DS after 3 years still got upset whenever I dropped him off, whereas DD settled within a week and never looked back. I think it should be a lot easier on your DD, given that she knows the mum and baby already, and it's a home environment rather than more formal nursery. But maybe you could try for the first couple of weeks for her to go for 2 or 3 mornings if that suits you and your friend?

Thanks for the replies, everyone, and for the clarification regarding CM vs other care givers. I'm not British so am still getting my head around the differences.

Anyway, today was the big day. DD was very teary and clingy. I stayed home for the first 90 mins, occasionally leaving the room to do something. Then went out for 1 hour. When I got home, DD was quietly playing with my friend the nanny but started crying as soon as she saw me. Very clingy all day after that and took ages to settle down to sleep tonight.

It did break my heart to see/hear her so upset. Hoping it will get easier from here, although we have a few weeks' break as my friend is on holiday, so may have to start from scratch again.