How to have the birds & bees chat with 12.5 yr old DS1?

[maisiebabe]

And that's the question! He's got a girlfriend and it's a dilemma-I think I should have the chat but don't know quite how... Am I being naive in that in chatting to him about it I am giving him suggestions!? [hmmm]
We are an open family in terms of not being prudes: we aren't afraid of being naked in front of each other, such as getting dressed, suncream on etc, and I BF DS2 in front of him.
Have told DP not to have the chat as he was educated at public school and has bizarre ideas of what DS should know (!).
Watched the dictator film tonight- maybe leave it all to Sacha baron Cohen to xplain..!

Any advice?

does he not know it all by now? he will have had sex education at primary school, and presumably it's come up in conversation before now?

I've asked him if he's had sex ed and it was the how babies are made stuff. I suppose the chat I want to have with him is the whole don't go too far, take it easy..eeek, how far & easy is that? And he's my baby!

ahhh. then i don't know. my ds is the same age but still a million miles away from being girl-ready! or so i'd like to think....

I've always found it easier to do it when things are 'a step removed', so, not directly about 'what you are / aren't doing' but having a chat about 'life situations' when they come up in TV progs., films, on the news, or sometimes I've been known to make up situations.....
"I was reading somewhere the other day....."
"We were talking at work and one of the other Mums said....."
"It said on the news today, there'd been a survey done about...."
So we've had all sorts of conversations when there isn't the embarrassment factor of 'Mum knowing I've a girlfriend' or even things to do with money and debt, or drugs, or alcohol, etc.,etc.

Sometimes I just ask if they've ever discussed x/y/z in PHSE or whatever it's called this week.

What BforG said, and couch it primarily in terms of relationship/emotions/respect rather than the mechanics of sex and contraception.

I think now is a great time to do it, rather than leave it too late! Agree with Backforgood that its often more comfortable to bring it up in conversation.

But, if you're concerned (which it would be natural to be) that his hormones will take over when he's with his girlfriend then I would be honest about that. Start with the more appropriate and less uncomfortable subject of kissing. Have a think about what your rules will be - are you a 'no opposite sex in bedrooms' household? Or just no closed doors? Or are you happy with closed doors? Now would be a good time to bring up those rules and explain why they are in place. You could discuss how kissing (full on snogging I mean) in public is rather unpleasant but its completely natural to want to 'eat face'! This opens up the idea of 'natural urges' and the best way to deal with them. You dont have to discuss them all at the same time. Maybe kissing today and touching another day. But definitely be clear that he will want to do some stuff (yes even at 12) that isnt appropriate right now and, very importantly, his girlfriend may/ may not want to do.

I think its very difficult to discuss this in a casual way and without ANY embarassment so its better to be upfront. If you do this now while he is young I think he is more likely to come to you at 14,15 when he is at more risk of going too far.