The long walk home ... help me face it

[latrucha]

DD started school at Easter and loves it, loves it, loves it. And just as much she hates, hates, hates the walk home. It's just such a bind.

We have to do the walk, there's no alternative. She does not like scooters, bicycles or buggy boards as they are 'wobbly'. I have DS in the puschair who hates it too as all he does it go there, turn round and come back. I have snacks with me, dinner ready for when we get home. I try not to beg cajole or threaten, just to keep it light hearted but it always ends up with me trying to mitigate her tired bad mood with varying degrees of patience and varying degrees of succes. We all really have heavy hearts and we all hate it.

I was doing rewards and punishments. They just make things far worse. The problem is she just needs to scream and let of steam.

I don't mind her venting at me. I understand she needs to let of steam. She sees a lot of behaviours at school that worry her (very minor stuff; she's very touchy). I don't mind her doing it at home. But to stop and start and chivvy and persuade for an hour each say (it takes us haf an hour in the morning) is getting to me.

What do I do today to make it different?

how long is the walk? Does she moan about all walking or just this one.

Can you make the walk more interesting for her (my 5 yr old DS is not that keen either!) I try to engage him in interesting things - who can spot a blue car first, how many red doors can we count on the way, can he find a pine cone to take home etc etc. Everytime he starts moaning that he is SO bored or that his leg ache SO much from walking (like 100 yards!) i just ignore that and say, come on we have things to look for. Usually he will manage to play along
I do still reward him too. 5 walks with no moaning and he can have a treat at the weekend

what's the walk like? Can you allow some freedom (to a limited extent) and say things like 'I bet you can't beat DS to that gateway - and race with DS in the pushchair (potentially with appropriate racing car noises).

Have you tried the "run to the next lamppost/red parked car etc etc"?
Have you tried just pretending to walk off (assuming you live somewhere safe to do so)?

I would suggest distract, distract, distract and not make a big thing of it? How long has she behaved like this?

Draw a simple map with different landmarks or clues to landmarks. It can be a sqiqqly pirate map type line, doesnt have to be geographically correct! Then ask her where it leads!! She will be surprised it is home, but next time, if she liked the map idea, try detouring to a park, the shop for a sweet etc. I think the whining on the way home may be a habit? I know my kids whining on the school run was! and once you crack it and she accepts thats how it is, you will all enjoy it much more. Have fun!

Walk to and from school (all half mile of it) is the bane of my life, too.

Am an extreme eco-freak so would not dream of driving (would need to leave 20 minutes earlier to get a decently close parking space anyway!), but between bad-tempered DC and dog mess, I "get" why most people around here would drive that distance.

Thanks for your responses.

I have done some of those and will try the ones I haven't. Essentially though I think she is just really tired and can't really do the walk. She does it fine in the morning.

I got somewhere today by brealing the journey with a picnic dinner on the beach but that's not for every day. I went to the beach quite near home but she still couldn't make it without constant needling and crying. I threatened no school on Monday which got us home with our sanity intact but I don't really like threats.

She has only been doing it since she started full time school in April, although it wasn't so bad at first. She used to be fine walking home from preschool at one o'clock, The journey is a 25 minute brisk walk for an adult, so pretty long for a tired 4 year old. And for her mummy.

Just a thought - if it's because DD is totally knackered - have you tried a buggie board on your DS's buggie for her? Kiddicare do them for up to 5YO - pricey for the short time you may need it but maybe you could find one on ebay cheaper?!

Thanks for the idea. We had one but it failed her 'wobbly' test. Sigh.

Music? Could she have a listen to some music on an iPod or similar? You could let her choose which songs, rhymes, music she likes. Works for my boys and they often turn it off and choose to chat with me. U can limit how loud she has it and what she listens to also. This way she can hold onto pushchair and singalong. It is a nightmare, before I tried this my boys moaned that they hated walking everywhere- they have made the transition well and never moan anymore

Could you divide the walk up? When I'm tired I divide it into anywhere between two and six bits (more is too many, depends what your DD is like) and set landmarks to reach, e.g. the shop means I've done 1/6, top of the hill is 2/6. That way you break it into manageable chunks for her and could swap the landmarks around or tell her 'big girls do four instead of six' or whatever, to vary it.

Sing. The Grand Old Duke of York is a good one for stomping, Row Your Boat (especially the crocodile verse), Incy Winch has a nice strong beat, Wheels On the Bus has lots of verses (I particularly like the teenagers are listening to their ipods. I tend to forget the words and make up my own verses )

Yes, I look like a complete banana when looking after Dniece and dnephew. But they enjoy it and it really does work (Dniece has autism, needs a lot of distracting in eg shop queues!!)

Does she like stories? Could you bear to make one up? About, say, a little girl who has all kinds of adventures involving favourite characters from TV/cuddly toys/members of the family/animals? An ongoing serialised story which is only told on the school run.

Or what about The Ministry of Silly Walks, with a small reward for the best one each time.

Can you just get a double buggy? It genuinely sounds like it is just too much for her, and if she won't ride on a buggy board. Or just persist with the board- ie one more whine and you have to stand on the buggy board?

Shodan I don't even bother making one up, I just recite one of those rhyming ones that get drummed into you from the books. But my dd is much younger, perhaps school age wouldn't be fobbed off with this.

Just get a cheap double buggy. Problem solved.

Rowood - music a possibility. I don't have an MP3 so new territory to me.

Charmingly - that's a good idea. I'll try it.

purple - singing is one of the things DD loves, but she won't play ball on the walk home. I've tried the Grand Old Duke so many times! It is a good idea togh, she just knows what I'm doing so resists.

Tulips / talkingnonsense - I just weaned her off the double buggy at the beginning of the year. I can't pick up a child from school with a buggy can I? They'd laugh at her.

no one will even notice a yR using a buggy just wait untill you are at the end of road or even say half way you can get in buggy, then she will not be unduely reliant on it.

I have similar disrtance walk, with dd, I take her a drink and a snack and we pretty much walk in silence as when I talk I get roared at , she seems to pick up about midway and starts to chat, once the snack and drink kick in, she is much better this year in Y1, but generaly grumpy.

I've just been looking at buggies. I don't think I can face buying another one. I'll have a quick look in our local charity / recycling shop tomorrow.