Seem to be so angry all the time and am so fed up of it and the effect it's having

[MrsB1]

I'm new to the forum but need to unload this somewhere and could use a bit of support.

I am really concerned about my relationship with my 2 DD's (12 and 8), especially the youngest. They bicker alot which really winds me up ( I was an only child so it's totally foreign to me) but I seem to be getting better at ignoring it and letting them sort it out for themselves.
But the youngest- I dont know where to start. We seem to be in the midst of some sort of power struggle. She's always been quite strong willed but currently at certan times of the day it's becoming unbearable. I know I am not handling things in the best way and overeacting which makes things worse, but neither of us seem to be able to help ourselves.
Tonight I totally lost my temper and was shouting things like " I want her out of this house and stop her ruining my family" I scared myself, nevermind her.
It sounds terrible, and it was but I really am at my wits end.
I have just started on HRT so I know my own hormones are all over the plcae which cant be helping but I dont think I should let this be an excuse.
\i really dont know where to turn for help.
Any advice would be really gratefully recieved

I have just spotted this and that no one has replied so wanted to 'bump' for you.

So sorry that you are finding things difficult at the moment. I only have one DC (clue is in my NN!) so not much use on sibling rivalry - but is it conflict between you and youngest DD? Can you give some examples of where the problems come up? You say 'power struggle' - is this over bed times, homework, school?

I'm sorry not to be any help really but I am sending you some sympathy vibes (that's a bit 'un MumsNet' so hope you don't mind)

DS2 is 9 and has always been 'challenging' He will argue black is white and then if you agree with him he will the argue over the shade of black... It's exhausting. I have learned to pick my battles but DH is still struggling with it TBH. They end up at loggerheads sometimes.

He is on the autistic spectrum and this inability to be flexible or to accept change to the way he sees the world is the main evidence of it. Is that a possibility with your youngest?

Funnily enough I am also on HRT and have found it helped with the temper meltdowns (mine!) but it took a few months to work. I remember mum being really ranty when she was going through the change - and I could feel myself turning into her. I am sure you will see an improvement in your response to her soon.

I have bickering kids & middle DS is especially bad-tempered & a general pest to the rest of us, so sympathies.

Sounds like loads of stuff: your own anger management, and your DD2's are worthwhile tackling separately & together.

I find it helps a lot to be as unemotional with middle DS as possible.
& it helps Slowing down, taking as much time as possible to listen to their side of things & decide what to before implementing the decision & possibly kicking off a power struggle; pick my battles.

Thanks for the replies folks, things are a little calmer since it all came to a head on thursday night.
Our main flashpoints seem to be bedtimes ( which she will drag out as long as she possibly can) getting out to school in the morning ( althought this is better than it used to be) and any other times that she isnt the centre of attention of getting her own way. She sometimes seems to have no respect for me or our home. Dont get me wrong I am not particlarly houseproud but she leaves wrappers and tissues on the floor or the coffee table dsepsite us constantly reminding her. Shoes live in the middle of the floor or where ever they get taken off. I know most kids do such things but I sometimes do think she does it on purpose just to show me thaht she doesnt have to do what I say
Each on it's own is low level stuff but when it all adds up it isnt. I just get fed up of feeling that she doesnt listen to me. I've tried not doing things when she asks me to, to show her what it's like which seems childish but sometimes just get to the end of my tether and will try anything for a bit of peace !!

Anyway things are clamer now as I said, and she is actually making an effort to be cooperate so I have engage my goldifsh memory and blanked out the other stuff for now and am going to enjoy a day with my lovely daughters !