boys bickering from morning til night - help!

[lu9months]

my eldest two are 9 and 7, and they argue about every trivial thing. eg who gets to finish the cereal off...the constant bickering is doing my head in! i try to ignore it, but more often than not end up taking away whatever they are arguing about/ stopping the game or tv that is causing the problem. i dont mind disagreements but this is whiney and often ends in threats from the older one to his brother, and tears/ tale telling from the younger one. i just want to have one day without it - any advice? i do praise them when they are getting along, but it is hard to find times when they are sometimes

I think that if these two boys are so unenthusiastic about the activities they are doing that they resort to bickering for amusement, they must be pretty bored and unchallenged.

They need to be kept busy. What do you currently do for them that they could easily do for you? Hoovering, laundry, ironing, cleaning a bathroom within an inch of its life, cleaning the oven, dinner or dessert prep, gardening, changing beds and turning mattresses are all things able bodied children should be able to do at those ages. They are taking you for granted and abusing the spare time they have. They need to value it more and make the best of it when they have it. The way to do that is to take it away and make them earn it back. TV and games, etc., should be a privilege they earn for co-operation in doing chores and not something they can use as a prop for their fights. When they earn it back, maybe make it a family event?

Make their lives revolve around you if it doesn't already. You should be guaranteed a few hours a day when your children are too busy to bicker.

They should also be playing some sort of organised sport where they will have other children and coaches/teachers to knock some of their corners off. How about martial arts? Football? Swimming? Something to tire them out and give them discipline. I also recommend making a family effort to volunteer for the needy as a way of getting children outside of themselves.

Old habits may die hard, however, even when trying to work together on chores, and when they come to you with tales, tell them you are not interested and to carry on until one of them is seriously hurt, and then deal with that themselves too. Seriously, do not try to sort out who did what, who started it, whose fault it is. Tell them they have a choice about whether to resolve their disputes and enjoy their free time or carry on fighting, and that it is up to them to decide. They are likely to respond that they want to play but the other one wants to fight -- again, tell them they have a choice, and repeat as often as necessary.

Do not intervene no matter how much of a racket you hear in the background. Get yourself some earplugs. Let the chips fall where they may.

thanks for the suggestions. we do do quite a lot of this already - the boys get counted for arguing and lose tv/have early bed times if they get to a 2. they both do karate every week, and the older one does swimming too. they dont watch a huge amount of tv or computer, only after homework, supper and bath. i'm interested in the idea of ignoring totally the fights, but i get fed up with the whining and separate them in the end. i try not to lose my temper or give them much attention. i may have to resort to earning any tv i guess - like the idea of them doing chores!