Anyone else adjusting to / has recently managed to adjust to becoming a mum of 2 (or more)?

[averagemum]

I have two beautiful dses, big brother 4 in September, little brother nearly 7 weeks. I know from lurking on the childbirth thread that there were a few of us about to become mums to two (artifarti???) and thought I'd start a thread to share / celebrate / vent / rant... So, me first. Things I'm finding hard at the moment:

• bedtime! Crikey. I do it solo at least 4 times in the week. I had visions of quietly reading stories while bfing ds2. It turns out that ds2 is the world's speediest feeder so is literally done in 3 minutes flat. I've been giving him a dummy to try and keep him calm while I sort ds1 but there's inevitably some crying and I feel guilty that both are getting a pretty bum deal at bedtime at the moment...

• grizzliness! ds1 was a really, excessively wakeful baby, which meant he never slept but also that he was very happy to be awake. ds2 is very different. He's a better sleeper but gets tired super fast, often 45 minutes after his last nap, and can be a real grizzler. This means his alert and happy times are very few and far between at the moment (though when they come his smiles are fantastic!), and I'm constantly trying to keep him happy-ish or get him back to sleep which I'm finding really wearing....I had visions of ds2 lying happily on his mat while I played with ds1, which is really not happening yet!

• the dummy! I know I should be grateful that ds2 takes one (it does seem to keep him calm, get him to sleep easily etc), but ds1 didn't have one and I can't help feeling guilty that poor ds2 seems to spend a big chunk of the day with a bit of silicone in his mouth...

Would anyone else like to share...? Words of wisdom v much appreciated!

averagemum! I have just come across this - how the devil are you doing? I have to go and pick up DS1 from pre-school now (to find out who he has been fighting with today - oh yes, not all a bed of roses here!) but will check back in later in the hope this finds you. I also do solo bedtime...not easy, is it?

Hello there arti! Now, either we are the only two recent mums of two finding it hard work and wanting to swap stories OR I'm replicating threads that are already out there... or it really is the case that they've all got it sussed. Hmm... let's see shall we?

The first few months with two is really hard! Sounds like you're doing really well, btw. After that, it gradually gets easier. I found it more noticeably easier after the first year (sorry if that seems so long, but it will fly!). So much of learning to cope is just trial and error. You struggle on from day to day, then one day realise that you haven't struggled so much! Then it's downhill..... Until they become teenagers, with attitudes and opinions of their own!

I remember looking down at my first DS when he was a young baby, and thinking that there would be many times in the future when I would wish that he was right back there again. But I never have! I have really enjoyed each and every stage they have both been through, growing and developing all the time. They are now 17 and 15!

Sorry for such a long ramble!

My best advice, enjoy the good days, and be glad that the difficult days are only a day long!
Don't worry about the dummy, if it makes life a little easier, go with it, maybe wean him off it before 12 months.

Hi Average.... Yes yes I'm in your new gang! DD1 who is 4, and DD2 who is 4mths..... It's the morning Pre school routine and run that brings out the worst in me! I think to do it without any stress would mean getting up at 5am. (also, 2 dogs to sort out who are the most patient creatures!)
I just seem to be constantly telling my DD1 off. DD2 is very chilled out fortunately but I feel like I owe each of them more....

Thank you for those lovely words of reassurance mindgone and greetings minstrels! You're right, most of the time I actually feel so lucky to be experiencing the baby stage a second time, and actually appreciating it this time round, knowing that once it's gone it's gone. But like you say I don't think I'll wish it back! I've loved seeing how my big ds has grown and changed, and am loving his conversations and curiosity now. But like you minstrels, I don't feel I'm giving either one quite enough... Do you find your dds are interacting more now that dd2 is 4 months?

My main issue is sleep: like his big bro at that age, ds2 is not particularly keen. We were up every hour from midnight last night for the second night running! But today I'm testing out a (whisper it) Gina Ford-style structure to feeds and sleeps... Let's see if it make any difference!

How are you today arti?

I'm 10 months in with DC2 and just wanted to say that I do 5 out of 7 bedtimes solo. Still haven't cracked it, maybe once or twice a week I manage, but often the DCs fall asleep on the sofa and sometimes me too and DH helps to get us all into bed when he gets home!

My two are also terribly light sleepers and wake each other constantly.

It definitely gets easier once the babies get more interesting for DC1. Once they can sit up and start to play. My two (DC1 is almost 4yo) are just starting to play "together" now and it's adorable (between the "DC2 just snatched my toy" screams). I also feel more confident now to leave DCs alone with each other for a minute whilst I nip to the loo or whatever. DC1 offers to keep an eye on DC2. And DC2 idolises DC1.

Don't feel guilty about the dummy. DC1 never had one, DC2 does most evenings and when in childcare. It gives me freedom!

Afternoon all. averagemum - oooh, that sounds tough sleep-wise. Dummies, Gina Ford, whatever it takes, I say! DS2 (3 months) is doing well at night but doesn't seem keen on naps all of a sudden. I wonder if he is having a growth spurt as he has turned into a total boob monster; today I am literally feeding him for about 50% of the time. I have to remove him after about 50 minutes and then he looks at me with utter horror then starts to bawl. I read the Baby Whisperer with DS1 that really helped with naps (sleep cues etc.) so might have to dust it off. I am hoping that DS1 (3.10) falls asleep soon as he has been awake since 4.15am with a nasty cough, poor lamb. And yes to the attention thing - I feel like I am either ignoring poor DS2 when he is crying or constantly telling DS2 to be quieter, not squash DS2 and generally not do all the things that normal 3 year olds do! Hey ho...one of them is asleep...now I will work on the other...

just nipping out to preschool pick up, will be back later to post!

Greetings poppy! It's great to hear news from someone a bit further on. I have actually learnt to love the dummy since I first posted: at least it means ds2 is super easy to put down for sleeps, which really helps, and it does tide us through the evening grizzles. I worry it might turn into a problem with him waking up for it in the night, but to be honest he's waking so much anyway with or without the dummy in I don't care for now. Hope ds1 is feeling better arti! We've so far had a perfect Gina-shaped day (her routines, not a day actually in the shape of GF). If it makes any difference tonight I will dedicate the rest of my life to singing her praises / helping her sell yet more books...

Well, we might be sleep-deprived and guilt-ridden but at least on here it's beginning to feel like a party

Thanks, will gladly take the and wish there was a dark chocolate emoticon too! DS1 refused to sleep all day and then crashed out at 5pm. He is awake again now. DS2 at least had a long nap. The result will be a) DS1 will not go to sleep at 8pm and will be yelling down the stairs endlessly and b) DS2 will resume being a total boob-monster, baying for milk. Not sure this is going to be the world's most relaxing evening...

Party on!

This too shall pass. The advantage of having a baby that doesn't sleep well in the day is that they need an earlier bedtime. Dd goes down at half 6 so if DH is here (almost always) I can then do DS's bedtime as he is later.

Solo - its a shambles. I was talking to a mum who's 9 months ahead of me and she didn't have any tips and she does it solo every night!! I usually try and get DD to have a later afternoon nap if I know it's just me, sort out DS, lights out then feed and get dd to sleep.

Also if you haven't, get a travel cot or playpen downstairs so you can put baby down while you deal with older one. And get a sling!

Oh yes, the travel cot/playpen is a good tip. Plenty of places she you can leave/strap in DC2 safely whilst dealing with DC1 who has just stubbed her toe for the twenty-billionth time today.

If you can, hide away some of DC1's outgrown toys and books now, ready to produce them in a few months' time as DC2's "new" toys. Luckily I did this, but everything that has stayed in the playroom is considered by DC1 to be hers, and she complains whenever DC2 tries to play with it.

In fact she has just declared the whole playroom to be "hers". DC2 has had to be removed for his own protection.

They're bathed and in their pyjamas but DH is on his way home and I'm not even going to contemplate attempting bedtime until he's back.

I need .

hello can i join in the fun too, 4.5 yr old DS and 6 week old DD here. im finding the school run the hardest, few weeks back i was trying to get DD dressed changed and fed before we left the house but DS was constantly late so now she just gets bundled in the pram in her jammies with a dummy until i get home again! kids have been dumped with DH now its time for half hour of MN and ...before a long sleepless night...

Got ten week old just stick her in slibg, bf as an when and just carry on with dd1. They settle much better in slings imo mine os on up to 12 hours a day sometimes when your busy I almost forget shes there!

MzPixie I had to sit down and write myself a brand new morning routine to get that sussed.

DC2 still stays in his pjs on the nursery run though.

poppy im sure there is a way i could get it all done but DD currently has a 5.30am feed and after that i try and stay in bed for as long as i possibly can before i HAVE to go do the school run. (i just cover her in a blanket in the pram no one has to know about my lazyness- mwhaha)

Haha, my DS2 is always in his jammies...he stays in the same babygro until there is visible poo/sick on it then I chage it [lazy cow]

The sling-wearing worked a dream until recently but now I just get a stone of angry baby headbutting my breastbone repeatedly.

averagemum - how is the new routine going? Are you worshipping at the feet of GF?

House full of snot and puke here today. And raining. It's going to be a long one...

Er, nope! It went brilliantly day 1, but days 2 and 3 (today), ds2 has been falling asleep when he's sposed to be awake, and feeding when he's sposed to be playing! BUT he did finally go back to doing his great stretch from 7pm - 1am last night, so I am feeling good! It had nothing to do with GF, I think, more that he finally got over the stuffy nose brought on by his first jabs last week. Not sure whether to persist in structuring the day - he does have some structure anyway due to big brother shouting MORNING at 6.45am every day... Is anyone else getting routine-y?

So sorry to hear about the snot puke and rain - poor you, what a combination! Sending you extra resources to get through it. Tomorrow will be different!