Explaining death

[lentilbake]

DD2 (7) jut wouldnt go to sleep last night and evebtually I found out why, when she suddenly said "Mummy what age do you normally die?" and started cryingm bless her. She is terified of dying and of people she loves dying what do I say ? we had a good chat but she is still worried

Tell her the truth. Everyone dies at some point & some people are unlucky and die young but that, if she looks after her health and avoids obviously dangerous situations, she could live until she's very old. The life expectancy of a British girl born today is about 82... she might find that reassuring.

its quite normal lentil for children to question death at this age..bless her...there are some good childrens stories that explain death that you may want to buy..but i also agree with cogito to tell her the truth xxx

I've been going through this with DD, 5.5. I've told her people die when they're old and ill and very very rarely when they're young but that it hardly ever happens. Someone on here suggested saying that you die when you've had enough of living which I found helpful. You just have to keep answering the questions they ask in a straight forward matter of fact way however hard it is I think. Another way to explain it is to try and emphasize how long life is i.e. think how long it is til your next birthday, til next year etc etc. There's no easy way around this one unless you're religious and can play the heaven card I don't think!

Pets can be good dry-runs for explaining and coping with death. When we came home one afternoon to find our dear old cat had pegged it on the kitchen floor, DS (then 6) was upset but also fascinated to note that she looked very 'normal', rather as if she was taking a nap. We had a solemn burial in the back garden and, whilst there wasn't a dry eye in the house, I think the whole experience took away a lot of the fear.

One of those great books is called 'Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in Between'. About long and short lives of all living things.

thanks everyone, i did tell her that it usually happens when you are much uch older and looking after herself will help her to live a very long time. i ike the idea of reminding how long i is to wait just for your birthday!

I would second the book Homebird8 recommended. We have used it when DD1 was 2, and have used it many more times since with DD2. It's appropriate for any age and is a beautiful way to explain death in a non-terror way. Still makes me cry when I read it, though hopefully won't need it again for a while yet. We bought it when my grandma died and an elderly aunt gave DD1 some money, it's proved to be a fantastic investment.
Mind you, hasn't helped much recently when we told DD2 (6) we were going to visit my Dads grave and she asked 'If RG came out of his grave while we are there will he take me for ice cream like he used to?'

Yes Lentilbake, I SO clearly remember my mum explaining it to me in terms of time and finding it very comforting. I still do at the age of 40! She of course can't remember explaining it to me like that! That book sounds good too.