undesirable friends

[pillowfight]

How can you get rid of constant requests for your child to go and play with a friend whose household you don't feel at ease with? I heavily suspect the mother is alcoholic, she cannot understand that I don't want to be her constant taxi driver (asks me for what good reason I can't take her shopping etc). She makes me feel guilty for saying no. Her child (age 6)wanders the streets alone. Her mother makes leud sexual jokes about her child and an older boy (12 year old), who always seems to be at her house. At the same time, I feel sorry for the mother (she doesn't seem to have any friends, she has had 2 other children removed from her care and is bringing up her daughter alone), but I just don't want my child to go to her house. She's already asked me, "I get the impression you don't want to talk to me", which is quite true, but she won't take tact, and I now spend my life diving into shops to hide everytime I see her. How do I get rid of her when she hasn't been overtly offensive and when my daughter and her daughter (who seems quite pleasant/happy) play together at school?

Make excuses about being busy and invite her DD to your house instead?

Sounds silly, but I think once she knows where I live, she'd turn up on the doorstep unexpectedly. Already, my daughter gave her child our phonenumber and we were being called three times a day (which at the end I ignored). I have been making "busy" excuses, but she doesn't get the hint. Hard to find excuses for every day of the summer holidays!

In the holidays, just say you want a break from school and just want to have family time. Unless your daughter is asking to play outside school with this girl, don't give in - just keep saying no. If she presses you for a date say you are very busy at the moment and it might be best to leave it until you have less on.

Sad to say though, if she won't take the hint and you don't want to be direct, you may be in for the long haul.

Have you tried being honest? 'I'm sorry but I think you drink too much to be in charge of my child'.... If she won't take hints you're going to have to be direct or spend your whole life trying to avoid her.

I had all this crap with a parent of my daughters classmate. She has never ever been in my house but other peoples houses she has been in she wouldn't leave. Just really outstaying her welcome and no intention of going home. And a really nasty piece of work.
You have to say 'NO' and keep saying no! She's not a good influence on anyone esspecially kids, she's trying to intimidate you. Don't give in!

I agree, I think you just have to stand your ground because once you give in you won't get rid of them. This happened to us once, years ago, when ds was about 6, he went to play with a classmate after many requests on their part, and the parents brought him home, sat themselves down and just talked and talked and talked.....dh and I were looking desperately at each other, and commenting about ds' bedtime and the fact we hadn't had dinner yet etc but they weren't having any of it. They even told us about the husbands "enlarged and inflamed testicles!!!!!!!" I bloody well kid you not.
In the end we had to just ask them politely to leave, and then avoided them like the plague......

' They even told us about the husbands "enlarged and inflamed testicles!!!!!!!' Oh dear lord that is both hilarious and horrific in equal measure I bet you didn't feel like dinner after that.

Ok, the child my dd was having trouble avoiding didn't have such matters to contend with, but nonetheless she was a controlling little madam who wouldn't let dd have any other friends and was spiteful to boot.

When the invitations wouldn't stop, I said she was going through a clingy phase and wasn't going out anywhere for the time being as it gave her nightmares.

The mum and I weren't especially friendly anyway. I think she got the message though because I'd already been onto the school about her dd's behaviour.

I think if it comes to it be curt rude and keep moving. Remember people like that are very persistant often have very thick skins. They rely on you being nice in order to steam roller you. You won't be the first person that'll have had to tell 'em to back off.

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice! It was beginning to get me down...

I think perhaps you should also call someone about the care of her daughter. Although they are probably already aware if they have taken two of her children into care.