Help - what do I do all day now the nap has gone?!

[nonapandknackered]

I've namechanged for this as I worry it's going to make me sound like a really rubbish parent. I'm not, but I am struggling a bit.

DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is 7mo. DS1 is at nursery three days a week. He's been getting less inclined to nap recently, though he still needs to as he's shattered by the end of the day when he doesn't. But, last week he moved into a big bed and I fear that was the death knell for the nap! But the thing is, I really don't know how to fill the day now.

We always do something in the morning, come home and have lunch, and then he'd nap, sometimes for up to three hours (was wonderful!). Then when he woke we'd play for a bit, watch some tv, then dinner and bed.

He's become more and more of a tv addict recently, which I feel really guilty about but because of the baby it's been unavoidable. He's really really active, and is not good at just sitting and playing with his toys (and I'll play with him, but he won't stay in one place for more than a few mins). This means he's either badgering me to put the TV on and then if I do just sits staring at it, or he's climbing and jumping off everything. The place is as toddlerproofed as much as it can be but he climbs on everything.

He's going through s phase atm where he doesn't listen to a word I say, and gets really bolshy, chucking stuff around etc. We don't have a garden, and I can't go out every afternoon to the park etc because of DS2, the weather etc. Getting anything done is pretty much impossible ie preparing dinner etc.

So, is there something I'm missing? I've got friends who don't go out that much, so survive pretty well at home all day with their DC's, even when they don't nap much. Why can't I?! DH is at home today but they are both sitting infront of a Fireman Sam DVD atm whilst his brother naps.

Any tips on what I can do (or how to reinstate the nap?) would be gratefully received!

Would he be up for spending some quiet time in his room with some books? He's old enough to understand rewards so you could do the marbles-in-the-jar approach (you could also put a babygate across his door...) and you might find that left to himself he snoozed anyway.

i have the same problem and i find getting out the the park out in the garden as much as possible is a real help. plus he us usually so tired when returning home he will nap anyway.

Ah bless you namechanging- we've all been there, don't feel bad.

I would keep putting him down for a nap if I were you- even if he doesn't sleep, it means you both get a bit of a break.

DD1 has also just dropped her nap, she's 3.2 though so a bit older. We use the time when DD2 is asleep (she's 16mo) to either watch TV together, or do a craft-y activity, today we painted. If we're stuck at home all afternoon we will always go out for a walk, if it's raining it's a jumping in puddles walk.

However I must say it is much easier now DD2 is that much older because they are starting to play together, so am no longer needed as a constant playmate ``

We can't fit a gate on because of the stupidly shaped door frame, grrrr! He'll stay in his room for a little bit alone. But, as happened today, after a while he starts to empty out his draws, and climb in the wardrobe. I went in and found him balancing on top of his bedside lamp . I swear he's going to join the circus when he's older!

Thanks for being so kind debka. I remember a recent thread where the OP was worried how she was going to fill an unexpected whole day with her toddler and some people flamed her!

to be honest having gone through the toddler years with a small boy and a baby girl, bad weather would never stop me getting out every day. Never forget boys ARE like dogs and I think they need to get out and get fresh air every day. If you can afford it get some all in one waterproofs, a decent coat for yourself and get out even if it's raining. DD hasn't napped in her bed since she was teeeny as I've always taken her out with ds so she's got very used to taking her naps in the pram.

I feel your pain - my dd stopped napping regularly at 13 months!!! Never happened unless we were on a car journey - and I didn't drive at the time!!!
Could you get him to snuggle with you on the sofa and watch a disney film a couple of afternoons a week? That's what I resorted to!!!

I'm with headfairy. Treat a small boy like a large dog - lots of exercise, lots of plain food, clear rules and punishments / rewards - and you can't go far wrong! DS didn't nap from pretty much exactly the day DD was born (they are 2 years apart) so I feel your pain.

I survived with some sort of 'group' activity in the morning - playgroup, big bouncy thing at local leisure centre, music group etc. Home, lunch. Quiet time - have a big box of books, jigsaws, Orchard Toys games etc that you only do for quiet time. We always did quiet time together - no hope of DS staying in his room. Then walk, come rain, hail, wind or shine. Up to the playground, round the village, down to the stream to throw stones in, visit to another playground, across the fields to see lambs - whatever, just a need to be out for over an hour every afternoon to run around and scream seems to be in every boy's DNA. Everyone happy to potter at home after that - play, read, paint, whatever.

We rationed TV - 30 minutes after breakfast, 30 minutes in the lead up to supper so that I could cook it, then the remains of bedtime hour after supper. Helkped to keep a structure to the day - and a good balance between exercise and 'veg in front of the tv' time.

Hmm, so the use of the TV seems to be pretty much approved of, then? It's frustrating as I've been struggling to get DS2 to nap in his cot, he'll nap in the pram but that's not always practical either. Today is the second time in a couple of weeks that's he's gone to sleep in his cot, but now DH has had to take DS1 out for a run around.

teacher that sounds good, but he really struggles with "quiet time" unless it's in-front of the TV . There's no activity, books, jigsaw etc that will keep him in one place for more than a few mins. He just flits from one thing to another and then starts to climb the walls, literally!!!

:o teacherwithkids ds dropped his nap when dd was 5 weeks old

I have dreadful fond memories of sitting in the playground in February in the middle of the coldest winter on record (2010) getting shocking wind chill on a wet nipple as I bf'd dd while ds went mental on the slide. We were the only fools people in the park.

But, it did make for a happy ds so I put up with it.

nonapandknackered,

Could you perhaps split 'quiet time' - a bit of tv, then a book or jigsaw or game (DS has always been competitive, so games were a big hit!), or even just pushing cars to and fro between you with a small reward or snack at the end if he sits with you? Or the non-tv activity followed by tv? Or a quiet activity while he finishes off the last of his lunch (we always finish a meal with fruit and dried fruit instead of pudding - so DS eating his raisins while I read a book would have been a possibility for us).

It's worth putting in some effort to create a 'quiet time' activity, as there is always a moment when such a thing comes in handy - waiting at the doctor, travelling by train, when you are ill, when he is ill. Approaching it as something that's worth 'training' might be worth it, in terms of very short periods followed by praise and reward, gradually building up, rather than expecting an 'instant fix'.

I suppose what I mean is that quiet time was something DS had to do. It wasn't optional. There were clear rules about it, and sanctions if he broke those rules - as I say, large dog. It was necessary for his sanity, and my sanity, so I put effort into creating it rather than it just 'happening' IYSWIM.

I also have a 2.5 DS and a 7 month old DS2 and yep - the long lunchtime nap has just gone too (sobs). Tbh I am struggling more now than the whole newborn nightmare phase. Live in NZ so winter is here and I have just bought a warm sleeping bag for DS2's pram so we can all go out no matter what the weather.

I completely agree with the toddler/puppy comparisons - it is what I base my parenting on. I just hate the 15 mins of shouting (me) it takes to get out of the house. Also the mind numbing 30 mins of chucking stones into the lake, oh and the 20 mins feet dragging walk back which takes ten times as long as the walk there.

I am using sticker books, toy library toys (brilliant place) and playdoh to get us through the afternoons. Then I have a big old moan to DH about how hard my life is when he gets home :)

Any activity that requires sitting down will help him not to get so overtired if he isn't napping. I suggest wearing him out by lunchtime with physical play then immediately after lunch or after the mid-afternoon snack/drink, that you do something at the table (immediately afterwards) so he does not get up from the table and begin doing something else as then he is less likely to want to sit down again. Painting, colouring, play-dough and dough machines (like making pasta!) ink stamping, making cards, other crafts, counting, sorting and word games/activities are all good, doesn't have to be reading books. Does your local libaray have a toy library? Toy libraries are really useful for ideas and activites. I can reccommend yellowmoon.com for craft ideas and supplies - they are not too expensuive and they have loads and loads to choose from on whatever theme is he interested in.

Also, would he like baking or maybe making pizzas (for your tea) etc? That is also a reasonably "quiet" activity - not running about at least and fairly involving. Could you manage this with the 7MO as well though - Maybe when 7MO naps you could do your special quiet time activity with him?