How honest is your kid?

[WinkyWinkola]

My ds1 is not honest at all. He is 7. He will always lie about incidents where he has been rough or upset one of his siblings. He will lie about his homework being completed or having had however many mouthfuls of his meal.

His dad tells me what happens and why ds1 has been removed from the play situation but ds1 will continue to lie about it and say he didn't do anything wrong.

He is also hurting our puppy. I now watch him like a hawk once I realised this was happening. He will twist the dog's paw or pull his jaw and I tell him at once to stop it and he say, "I was only stroking him." I've demonstrated how to be gentle and kind to the dog but he doesn't seem to follow.

Ds1 has been seeing a counsellor since January because of his extremely defiant and hysterical behaviour at home. Not much progress there. He's doing amazingly well at school and is perfectly behaved there.

I guess I feel sick at heart that I feel I cannot trust him and then think he must feel terrible nobody believes him. But then I feel so sorry for my dd and ds2 and the dog - all of whom avoid him whenever possible.

I really hope that in a couple of years this kind of behaviour will improve and that he will be more honest and less rough. Beyond sending him to therapy, I'm at a loss as to what I can do to make things better.

Crikey, I thought this was going to be light hearted. You poor woman.
My DD 11, is a proper fibber, she lies about anything but when challenged will own up. Fortunately for us she has her lieing face so we know.
I've no advice for you I'm afraid but well done for acting.

I was going to come on with a flippant response, too - my dd (6) is a very talented fibber and can spin a great yarn. But this is a whole different kettle, isn't it? Well done for getting him to a counsellor - that sounds like a very positive step. I'm struck that he is perfectly behaved at school though not at home. Does this give you hope that at least he can pull good behaviour out of the bag SOMEWHERE, even though he chooses not to at home?

i always say "let have a look at your tongue, to see the black spots of lying"....when they dont open up their mouth or shirk away i know they are fibbing.....when they willingly open up their mouth...i know they are telling the truth...have caught all my children over the year looking in the mirror at their tongue to see the black spots...i tell them they are only visible to mums and dads....ok not a perfect situation but it has worked for us....

I think I may have to change counsellor though.

She's a lovely woman and she thinks ds1 is brilliant which is a nice change for him. I mean, he gets loads of praise at home (we are so delighted when he behaves well occasionally) but is also told off a lot for his defiance, rages and lying. She doesn't really seem to get the full story from him about his behaviour. I mean, why would he tell her how bad it is?

I give her weekly updates but even so, I do feel she's not really getting to the hub of his issues. She just says he's deeply intelligent and sensitive and rattled by the birth of his sister when he was 2.

The puppy thing and the barefaced lying even though there were two adult witnesses and child 'victim' of his behaviour is really upsetting me. It's weird - someone continuing to lie and deny in the face of being totally caught out.

I've also noticed at birthday parties, he is never part of the crowd. Now, that's fine but he is always alone when groups of boys gather together. I've asked his teacher to observe him more closely at school break times to see what's happening there. He is such a golden boy at school - she can't believe he is any trouble at home.