DS unsettled with very good reasons - need coping strategies!

[openerofjars]

DS is 3.6 and DC2 is due any day (EDD 28 May). We have also just sold our house and clearly he is picking up on the idea that there is going to be a hell of a lot of change in the next few weeks and months.

His behaviour is fine, no changes there. He is a lovely, sunny little boy and very articulate for his age. He has his moments of being a wee sod but nothing drastic.

What he isn't so good at is bedtime, staying asleep and staying in bed, all of a sudden. He was great until about a week ago (when we sold the house) and now takes an hour to settle, wakes up twice the night and last night howled by our bedside until DH gave in and let him into our bed for the night. I am not keen on starting to co sleep with him now as there really isn't much room in the bed and he is a bit of a kicker!

We have tried massive amounts of physical activity to tire him out, cuddles, more attention and being grumpy (not proud of that but it was 4am). He has a blackout blind in his room, a set bedtime routine of bath, teeth, story, song, cuddle and night night.

We are now all knackered, not least DS.

Any ideas, or do we just suck it up?

Oh poor you, it's a hard one. TBH I would lean towards just sucking it up. The best thing you can do is the positive reassurance - plenty of attention and cuddles, also maybe a sticker chart with promise of a special toy when it is full, or get him involved in choosing things for his new room in the new house, drawing a welcome card for new baby etc so that he feels involved and more in control of the changes. But at the times when he just won't be consoled, I think you have to go with the flow and allow a few nights in mummy and daddy's bed. It won't kill any of you and it doesn't necessarily mean forming a bad habit that you can't break. If there isn't much room, one of you could go into his bed (you and dh could take turns). Main thing: MN mantra - this too shall pass - it will all even out in the long run!

I think fluffy is right. They're so perceptive when change is round the corner and it can upset their routines very easily. I would try and encourage him back into bed, even if this means sitting with him while he goes back to sleep (probably just as knackering as him being in your bed if he kicks all night). You can do gradual withdrawal so he gets slowly used to you not being there.

I'm sure it is just a phase caused by changes to his little world and with time and patience, you'll all come out the other side.

Have you talked to him about the move? We moved when DS1 was a little younger and he was concerned that all of his stuff was going to be left behind. He didn't understand that we would take everything with us.

He will just need a lot of reassurance for now.

It is a lot to take on board. We have never co-slept. That said, ds2 did co-sleep with me in the last 2/3 months of my pg with ds3 (he was 4.5 at the time) and then again when he knew we were about to move house (and therefore country and school). He was 8.5 at that stage. His last night of co-sleeping (spontaneously) was the night before I had ds3 and then the last night in our old house. He hasn't done it since but I think it's when sleeping that their deepest anxieties can be at the forefront of their brain and if that's what it takes ...

Thank you everyone. I think my instinct is just to ride it out and to cuddle him a lot. I'm going to bed at 9 tonight, I tell you.

We have been talking about the move and the baby loads with DS. I asked him want he wanted in the next house and he said "A corridor and a garden so I can run up and down and up and down all the time!" (currently in a terrace with a small concretey yard). He is very very gorgeous and funny.

That's really interesting, hanasaunt - DS has been a really good independent sleeper for a couple of years now and we've never co slept (nothing ideological, just not for us) but just gave up last night after 4 horrible nights. And gosh, we need a bigger bed for this gig.

It's all good preparation for DC2, I suppose!

DS has also been, well, sniffing me a lot this week. Honestly, it is like having a puppy at times. Very cute and fuzzy, bit messy, occasionally leaves puddles around the floor and licks my face, needs walking twice a day...

Poor little boy is shattered today, just cried and cried when we had to take him to house viewings tonight. . And then the bloody vendor wasn't in for the second viewing.

Very embarrassed update: he slept beautifully last night apart from one episode where his duvet had fallen off and he was cold. We hadn't put his heater on for a week or so before last night, and last night he had it on, along with his special blanket, which all worked fine until the duvet fell off.

He wasn't warm enough, was he?

FFS.

Don't be so hard on yourself, parenting fail? Come on, don't be daft, if you are going to beat yourself up over every little detail you are going to make life very hard for yourself.

But he was cold. And when we were grumpy with him for interrupting our sleep, he was just cold, poor little monkey. No wonder he cried.

He's only 3.

He's getting such a big fat cuddle when I pick him up from nursery, guilt guilt.

But you must learn you are not going to get it right everytime, if you don't learn that now , parenting is going to be so much harder. You can't get it right everytime no one can, it is impossible. Learn from it and move on, guilt is bullshit and people choose to feel it, you don't have too, life is too short!

Good advice! Right now, I am doing my best and DS has been sleeping nicely for a few days. Thanks for the words of wisdom: it is easy to get into the rap of thinking that everything has to be perfect all the time and actually, good-enough parenting with love and the odd cock-up from time to time is less stressful than being a perfectionist.