Needing to return to work cause of money and can't stop crying!!!

[Flowerydems]

Sorry this is more of a vent cause poor DH has had more than his share. Basically I didn't think I'd be returning to work so handed my notice in at my old job and now it turns out we're too skint to do otherwise.

I had an interview today but it's going to be more full time than part time (2 half days a week) and I feel like utter crap. We really REALLY need the money and I just can't handle leaving the baby.

Don't get me wrong I know he'll be fine, my SIL will be taking him the first 4 weeks then DH on holidays for 7 so it's really after that I'm going to have to put him to the childminder. He's such a good baby and is on his solids now at 6 months and is generally really good with people but I can't bear to leave him.... And I feel like such a failure cause we can't afford me to turn this job down, the pay's really good.

Thanks if you took the time to read this but I don't know how to make the guilt go away.... But it's not even like I'm being selfish cause we can't afford anything and live in private rented accomodation so I think that us being so broke that's maybe making me feel worse.

I really hope someone can relate to this cause I feel so lost.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it must be so desperately hard for you. Although I didn't return to work in the end, I thought I would have to and felt the utter panic at having to leave DD. Hopefully some lovely m'netters will come along and give you some gems of wisdom, but I just wanted you to know I identify with your feeling of desperately not wanting to be away from your baby.

I felt exactly the same both yes when I went back to work. it really hurts. but, a wise friend told me, my job as mother wasn't.just to be with my babies, but to show them it was.safe for them to explore the world and that I would always be there at the end of the day to share their discoveries. i think leaving your baby is horrible whenever you first do it. don't feel bad for feeling bad, ifswim. but try and instill your baby with the confidence that you know he'll be ok too.

flowery, I just wanted to sympathise. I've just decided to return to work in the autumn when DD (DC1) is 9 months old and it was a horrible, horrible decision. I hated making it and was in such a panic beforehand because DP works shifts and I will have to commute into London and so childcare seemed an absolute nightmare. Luckily we have found a wonderful childminder who is happy to be flexible around the shifts and who can hang on to DD if the trains are buggered and she has to wait an hour for one of the DG's to turn up.

Like you, financially we had no choice but for me to return to fulltime work and I work in a sector that has been royally fucked by the recession, so there is nothing else for me to do but return to my job in London.

You have nothing to feel guilty about at all. At this moment in time returning to work is the best thing for your family, and you won't be the only mum who has to make this decision. But it is a terribly hard decision to make and no wonder you are feeling awful about it. But hopefully there will be some good to come out of it? For example, your DS will get experiences socialising and becoming an independent little boy, and you may gain something from being back at work.

I know it is hard but try and think about some of the little positives that will come out of this situation. Don't beat yourself up about it because you aren't the first mum who has had to do this. And just think, this might not be forever. Anything may happen around the corner that will make it easier and could mean you being able to cut down on your work.

Hi! I returned to work full time when my ds1 was 5 months. My dh was made redundant whilst I was on mat leave so not much choice there. I found that the anticipation of return was worse than the actual thing. I missed him, of course, but focused on the positives (and silly things like having a coffee in peace, reading the paper during the commute etc) and made the most of the time I was home. Knowing that he was well taken care of (by MIL and DH) whilst I was at work helped. Good luck! It will be ok.

"I don't know how to make the guilt go away"

Does your DH feel guilty about working?... Doubt it. Most parents who work do so out of necessity. I'd feel far more guilty staying home and choosing to bring my child up in poverty than I do working hard and providing for him.

This thread makes me feel guilty because I'm looking forward to returning to work.

Don't feel bad about going back to work, it will all be fine. Childminders are wonderful and your baby will have a whale of a time playing with all the new toys and other children. You can also get some Independance back and provide for your family. Don't look at this as a negative - if it's got to be done, it's got to be done - embrace it.

Hi, I can understand your sadness and emotion at the thought of going back to work but try not to feel so guilty about it.
I never really thought about not going back to work, it wasn't really discussed but as the time drew nearer i did start panicking and remember sitting up all night crying at the thought of it once the time came. I went back to work full time at 6 months and my DS went to nursery. He settled in very well and now he is at shcool he is very outgoing, confident, well balanced, adjusted little boy. My DD who is 4 also went to nursery full time when she was 6 months.
I always made sure i picked them up at 5, have several quality hours in the evening, (and still do), games, reading, cuddling, talking about the day etc which is more than many children with SAHM (sorry not criticising anyone on here!) I genuinely believe its not about time, but about quality time you spend with them.
I agree with other posts. Its not all bad. You might actually realise you like the independence and I'm sure you will see its not so terrible once your child is settled into their new routine.
Good luck x

I feel your pain, I had to go back full time due to money issues too. My DS took very long to settle at the childminder (4 months!), we started very gradually which probably (with hindsight) didn't help but once he did settle he fell in love with the other kids there (even has a crush on one of the girls now) so I see it as an opportunity for him to learn to build new relationships, expand his horizon beyond mummy and daddy. I co-sleep with him so get him all night, every night, which helps a bit (still miss him). It's not all that bad going back to work, you get a bit of me time again which is a nice surprise at first. Hang in there, remember that babies are incredibly adaptable, as long as you leave them in an environment where they can build loving relationships with others (childminder, grand parents etc...) your child will benefit from it. (IMHO)....

Please don't feel guilty for providing for your child!

I live in a country with 16 week's maternity leave, the UK is really quite unusual. Putting a roof over my children's heads and feeding them doesn't make me a bad mother - quite the opposite!

OP, I am sorry you are struggling. I went back to work when DS was 11 months (he is 15 months now) and I hated the first few weeks. We don't have family in the UK, so he is looked after exclusively by a CM. It was very hard for DS, as he had been only with me and DH for most of his first year, so the first couple of weeks were horrible. However, I can now honestly say it was worth it. He settled in very well, he loves his CM, his little eyes light up when I mention the other children, and he is getting a lot out of it. Of course I wish I could stay home with him, but we didn't have a choice. But I think the most important thing is that he knows I'm always there at the end of the day and we still have a great bond.

Your DS will change very much in the next few months and he will need more and more entertainment, a good CM/nursery will help with that. Also, as he grows he will benefit from the company of the other children. If the childcare provider is right for your child, he will be happy and IME not affected by being left for a few hours while you need to go to work, he will quickly learn that you are always coming back.

As for the guilt, I don't think it ever goes away, no matter what. One of my friends decided to become a SAHM and said she feels guilty for not going to work and the financial implications this has. Good luck and I hope you find a good CM/nursery for your DS.

I can understand where your coming from, I was dreading going back to work once DS turned 7 months, and what made it even worse was that I had got made redundant from my job so had to start from scratch and get a new job, which is a lot longer hours than I had planned to work! But I knew we needed the money so had to go to work. I too felt really guilty, but once I'd got into a routine I started to feel fine, and knew that my little boy was probably having a whale of a time with my MIL. Just think of it this way, the money you are earning is going towards him, and means you can treat him whenever you want. It also makes you cherish the days you do get to spend with him too.