Feeling like a rubbish mum

[choceyes]

I have a 3.5yr old DS and a 21 month old DD. They have both been ill the past week, so I haven't gone to work last week at all (I work 3 days a week). Looking after two whiney ill children was doing my head in, and earlier on last week I was ill with flu too, so it has been a bad week for all of us. BY Friday I have had enough of being around 2 small children as all they seem to do is clash with each other and they never play together, especially when they are ill. Both were very demanding of my attention and I felt all touched out and frustrated not to have my own space for even a few minutes.

I feel like a rubbish mother because, why can't I find it more pleasurable to be around them? I actually do love spending time with them on a one to one basis, but I just can't handle both of them at the same time, and I feel like I haven't got what it takes to be a parent to more than one child. I really need those 3 days at work to have my own space, and the fact that I didn't have that last week, and with me being ill too, left me frustrated and a bit down.
I just don't know how SAHP does it and it is making me feel very inadequate. Why am I so incapable of this?

I'm back at work today. DCs are fine, although DD is still a bit unsettled as she is now teething. I would have loved to have been home with her, and I feel so guilty about leaving her at nursery, but I'd lose my job if I stayed at home with her every time she is teething (and she suffers from teething badly, but DS never suffered). I called nursery to ask how she was and they said she is not crying, but a bit sniffly, but they are cuddling her and she is playing on her carers lap. She will be OK won't she? I feel terrible for leaving her. She usually does enjoy nursery but she had a lot of time off nursery recently so she is bit unsettled.

I don't know what the point is to the thread really. Just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this or am I just not cut out to be a full time mum?

Whoa! Go easy on yourself! You sound like a fabulous mum. You have all had a week of it with your being ill, kids being ill and the routine all out of whack.Your little one will be fine- teething is sore, but she will get over it and nursery is actually probably a good distraction for her.

I would have been lucky if I could have got my two to "play together" for more than about 5 minutes when they were that age even when they weren't ill. There can be lovely times when you have two littlies watching them interact but it won't always be like that ( and it will be the same when they get older)- my two were great at 3 and 5 and then at 7 & 9 but went through a phase where being on the same planet was more than each of them could cope with. This weekend at 16 &14 they snuggled up on the sofa and watched a film together.

Please don't feel guilty for leaving her so you can work- even when they are at school there will be days when they have a bit of a cold ( not serious enough to keep them at home) and you wont be able to keep taking time off for every ailment . You will be a better mum for feeling satisfied and challenged by your job than resenting being at home and bored all day.

Chin up and hope you have a better week this time!

Thank you so much for your reply! I don't feel like a fabulous mum at all. By the end of last week I was snapping at them as I was at the end of my tether, and I felt so bad because they need the attention more when they are ill. I felt bad for DS particularly as DD has been so demanding of me, BFing all the time, wanting to be held, that I've had to put Cbeebies on for DS all the time so I can tend to DD. Then I turn off Cbeebies and full blown trantrums are the result and I felt so helpless and stressed out.

Luckily DH is really supportive and willing to take them both out to give me a break, but DD is so clingy to me and needs me when she is ill that I feel guilty doing that too often.

Just hoping that everything will be back to normal this week! Although it is never for long before the next illness strikes when you have 2 littles is it?!

I would have felt exactly the same as you! Go easy on yourself, it's hard when children are ill and it's hard when you are ill (blimey it's hard when you're not ill this parenting lark!).

Also if your DCs are winding each other up it's 50 times worse than when they are getting on. I have no patience with mine (now 10 and 13) when they argue, which they do a lot of. I bet you are a fab mum and just need time to yourself, which is perfectly normal. I work half the week and even if I didn't need the money would do it for my sanity. Sometimes I dread the school holidays if I'm honest.

Hope things are better now for you.

Mine still drive me insane bickering and they are 13&14 now.

Of course you are not a rubbish mum, if you was you wouldn't care if your DCs were upset, but every single parent will have been in the same place, feeling ill yourself, 2 children arguing over nothing constantly, plus leaving your dd when she is teething makes you feel guilty, sometimes it all gets on top of us.

FWIW I don't know how SAHP do it either, but i know I'm not a terrible parent cos I sent ds2 to school with a cough and went to work.

Just wait til they hit their teens........

I'm a SAHM and have been for 5.5 years. Ds is 5, dd is 19m.

Sometimes I feel like I just need space godamnit! You definitely aren't alone in that respect, at all.

Also, my daughter is a horrendous teether, its hell, its like having a permanently ill kid, sometimes I feel like - don't know the real dd because she's always under par with teething. Its hard going.

You aren't a bad mum, don't assume SAHMs are all loving it 100% of the time. I do love it but I find it very very hard going and often when dh gets in I go out for an hour just to get away from the incessant chants of 'mama' 'mummy'.

Just to add, I think all of us have had days, or even weeks, when we felt like the worst parents in the world. Our ds's and dd's are mostly lovely, but there are going to be times when they are clingy, whiney, and frankly a PITA, these are very often when they are ill, and the trouble with children being ill is they tend to share the germs so everyone is ill at the same time... don't beat yourself up, just keep saying in your head 'this will pass', when I look back on when ddtwins were both full of v and d bug and had passed it on to DP I think I get the good mummy prize simply for not strangling all three of them.