DDs friend is driving me potty!

[Slinky]

My DD1 (8) has a "friend" who lives nearby - don't go to the same school - they met through Brownies.

Anyway, girl herself is OK - bit loud/screamy/bossy.

Their friendship is quite strange - she will ring on and off all day at weekends/holidays - DD1 sometimes comes off the phone crying but doesn't tell me why When she visits here, she does nothing but bully and fight with my 2 younger children (age 4 and 6).

This friend will ring up and say to DD1 "my mum says I'm not allowed to ring you anymore because you don't invite me to play" etc etc.

On Sunday, I went shopping with DD1 and my mum. Dh took other 2 to a soft play area, then went visiting family. Friend left 2 messages on answermachine - saying "ring me back now otherwise my mum says I can't ring you again". Message No 2 was "I mean it, my mum says you must ring me back otherwise she really means that I can't play with you anymore".

By the time we got back, it was time for homework/dinner/bath so wasn't time for phone calls.

A while back, the phone calls/door knocking stopped because she said her mum said she wasn't allowed - I must admit it was lovely and now it's all started up again. DD1 didn't miss her when she stopped calling, saying she was bossy etc.

Another thing - 3 times friends mum has told my DD1 that she could go with them to do X, Y and Z and all 3 times she has been let down, so DD1 gets upset.

The whole thing is driving me potty to the point of changing our phone number LOL!

Oh Dear! This sounds horrible for you, and I suspect that your DD will be better if she is supported to let this friendship go, and concentrate on others. Sad, because it sounds as if this girl has some kind of problem, desperate for attention, trying to force / blackmail your DD into calling her, bullying the younger ones etc. Have you met this girls mother? But it does sound as if she is using some very strong manipulation over your DD...does DD really like her, or is she drawn in by these somewhat hysterical tactics? Perhaps she would really appreciate some support to let it go...like inventing other activities so that she can't see this girl, or you saying you need to take her shopping etc, or jutys heping her to say 'I don't want to be frinds with you any more'.
Good luck!

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Thanks for your replies!

Funnily enough, DD1 does go to clubs after school and she has some lovely school friends who I "insist" must come for tea Recently, she had a schoolfriend round for tea and the other "friend" rang DD1 and didn't believe her when DD told her she had another friend round. She told my DD to put her schoolfriend on the phone to "prove" she was there - I was furious and made her put the phone down.

I do know her mum although not particularly well - again one day she speaks to me, then another day she'll completely blank me!

I spoke to Dh tonight about it and he agreed with your postings. With Christmas coming up we're going to be busy with family/friends etc so we'll be out a lot.

I had a "friend" like this from Primary School thru' to end of Secondary. She would play one friend off against another in so far as if three of you agreed to meet at the station at 8 pm she would meet one of you earlier and then both of them would turn up late to meet the third. In the end we "dropped" her as she was jealous of other friends, boyfiends, etc. She had problems at home admittedly but she was manipulative. I suppose what I am saying is encourage your daughter to make other friends and leave this girl behind.