40% of families have only children - so where are they all?

[bobbybobbobbingalong]

Well that's the NZ figure - but where are all these only children? I know 2 (and Bob).

Blu - the origianl thread asked where the 40% of only children are - and I said there are 2 in my street. I then went onto tell you what they are like as people, and the things they have said about my having 2 children. They are the only people I know who have 1 child.

Now, elnighten me, but what is wrong with that? Yes, they are snotty people, not because they 'only' have one child, but because of their attitudes to children, and to people who have more than one. I think you might have misunderstood my post, or chosen to hear the bit you want.

Grandmother an only child , mum an only child, I am and so is DS. No plans fo anymore. DH has big family, kids everywhere.

Message withdrawn

Nobody's mentioned this yet, but i've heard people say that having 1 is much harder work than having 2, or 3, because the parents have to do more entertaining, either directly, or by having lots of friends round etc. I can see the argument in that. If you have 2 or 3 they do things together, and ok, they might be fighting together half the time but at least they are together & the adults can have some time to themselves (unless medical intervention required ).
Also, age gap matters. I was one of SIX kids, but they were all much older than me, i was stuck with my mum all the time, bored & lonely. If I'd been an actual only child she probably would have made more effort with me, but she just pushed me off to trail round after the others, who wanted nothing to do with me because I was 'a baby'.

My eldest was an only for 8 years. Apparently a gap of more than 7 years means treat both as onlies - so I'm doubly playing at motherhood to 2 oddballs.

I have one ds, nearly 6 (hoping for a second but it might not happen).

He is in Y1 and there are 4 other only boys in his class, 2 only girls.

His second cousin is also aged 6 and an only.

My friend has an only boy, also 6.

Hmmm, a pattern there???

To confirm - the 40% figure was from the last census (5 years ago - we have another one in a couple of weeks). And it is actual only children at that point in time - the women could have given birth to a second child the next day!

A further 32% were 2 children families, and the rest more. They did not count people without children as a family.

So when people criticise, it is good to know that at any point in time, actually more families are in my position than in any other position. Whether you want more or not is irrelevant, if it's only birth order that people reckon will make my ds selfish and unable to share - well 40% of families are in the same boat.

Just did quick maths and only about 16% (3/19) of DS1's Yr1 class are onlys(of the kids I know about). I bet house-prices have a big influence on this in the UK; if you can't afford enough living space, you may well stop at just 1.

There's an only child in my family tree (great-grandfather, b. ~1850) and I always think he's so weird because "nobody" in those days was an only child. I assume that he was miracle baby born late in life to my seemingly infertile GG-grandmother.

Ds is an only. I've got 5 friends with just one as well.

moretolife - I'd agree to that, I find it a lot harder when it's just me and DD in terms of getting things done. When the DSs come home they take her off my hands

I missed that definition of a family as one having 2 or more kids......now that is weird.

In my ante-natal group of 7, 4 have gone on to have 2nd children, 3 of us have onlies. That's 42% of us! Two of the three have onlies by choice, and I do because that's what life has dealt me.

don't forget it probably includes those who are going to have 2 (or more children) but at the present time only have the one.

Both my sisters have only children. Sis1 can't have any more- ds1 nearly killed her, however she hadn't planned any more: she likes her pop off to Suth Africa pay mortgage off lifestyle.

Sis2 is planning to have no2 next year, but Dh has suddenly screeched the brakes: just says he's not sure. Can see it becoming a serious issue as sis very maternal and broody. DH wants to get out of a dead end job and study, but kids are expensive.

I have only the one dd aged 2.4 - would have loved more but age and hormones against me - tried again but no luck so far - will give up when I get to 38 (7 months).

I'm an only child and I only have one child. I want another but DP won't let me.

Not a lot of people seem to want just the one, but can only have 1 for various reasons.

I am thinking that because dh and I are eldest children we have no empathy with being a younger sibling and thus can't imagine producing one.
It does seem quite unusual to have one and not want to repeat the experience!

mszebra - think you have a point about house prices being a factor of only children.
We are currently renting with HA a 2 bed house, we cant afford to buy a house in the area we live, so that is one of the reasons we are probably going to stay with one child.

We have a tiny 2 bed house with no garden, and I really do not want to be struggling for space and fighting to be moved into another property.
Would love to buy a house with a garden, but its just not going to happen!

I've just got the one. And only planning the one. I don't think it's fair to DH and DS to risk becoming suicidally depressed as happened when I was PG with DS. Not that I am at all suggesting that people with AND/PND shouldn't have more children, but that is my take on my situation.

People may have all sorts of personal reasons why they are only sticking to one, that they may not wish to share in RL.

I have only one child. He is 2 and we are unlikely to have any more. I am constantly being asked by people when number 2 is going to come which is starting to bug me a little.

Is it my duty on this planet to have 2 children??

I have only one child and dh is not sure about another one and my parents only want me to have one

2.1 per woman is the level of birth needed to replace NZs existing population without immigration. But since I emigrated here anyway they are now 2 in credit and I brought back dh, so that's 3. So I feel I have done my bit.

I have just one and this was our choice both while I was pg and since - my DS now nearly four. I LOVE LOVE being mum to one, not because it's less work and I am lazy, just because I really value and enjoy being able to concentrate on him. I don't know many other mums, but I'm the only one with a singleton in my little group of five mums. The others all have two.

I'll be interested to see how many are singletons in my DS's class at school when he starts this year.

jessicaandrebeccasmummuy - i think i know your SIL and what you said aint true at all, in fact far from it. As a child she wasn't spoilt and her and your bro now fend for themselves. She does get help from her parents i believe but that is with doing jobs she cannot manage with her illness. she would be so upset to think thats what you think of her