40% of families have only children - so where are they all?

[bobbybobbobbingalong]

Well that's the NZ figure - but where are all these only children? I know 2 (and Bob).

Apart from people on MN, I only know one person with one child. That is due to circumstance rather than choice - it took several IVF attempts before the successful pregnancy and they don't want to go through it again at this stage.

Interesting merryberry as round here 3 and 4 is quite common.

Maybe some people only have two children because they thought three was too much like hard work - but you wouldn't find people making comments to that effect on threads about "average" families.

What with that and the comments on a thread a little while ago that only people with two or more children are entitled to call themselves a family, it's no wonder that parents of only children get a bit defensive sometimes.

Although if it's true that 40% of families have only children, maybe we're not so far from the average after all ... perhaps it'll soon be the two child family's turn to be classed as "weird" for a while (And before anyone jumps on me, that was a joke ...)

depends how old the only child is?if they're young they probably will have a sibling at some time so negates the statistic imo.

my dd was an only until she was 11!because of fertility problems

Or maybe, as in my case, we lost the third, and couldn't have any more?

Again, jumping to conclusions.

It's not just only child families that get the comments though. I get lots of comments about how I must be insane and 'oh poor you' because I've got 3 boys and they are all under 5. I feel like stamping 'I planned them, don't need sympathy' on my head

Just to be clear - the 'weird' comment came from a poster below who has 1 child herself and was questioning whether people found it weird - because of reactions she had had.

Having 1, more than 4 (possibly 3), twins or any other multiple do seem to attract all sorts of unasked for observations, so I think really, it must be weird. Very extremely absolutely weird

My neighbours have great delight in telling me how easy it is having 1 girl, and how clean their houses are, and how we should have thought about 'that' if I'm ever moaning about the 2 of them fighting etc. Works both ways, you know..

paolosgirl - my comment wasn't directed at you in particular, just in society in general.

I know a few strange parents myself. But they have varying numbers of children between them.

Paolosgirl - this is a thread about statistics and if it is borne out. Not at all sure how the details of your neighhbours - (snotty as they sound)- has to do with that. But you, like others, felt that it is relevant to report the snottiness of parents who do have one child. If there was a thread asking 'do more families have 2 children or 3?' it is highly unlikely that I would post 'I know a family with 2 kids they have a really untidy house and make suspect gender-based assumptions...get the picture?'.

ANYWAY....I am surprised if the figure of 40% I child families is accurate, given the families i mix with. Must include those with 'first' child expecting or hoping for more...

5 Parents of one child are neurotically over-protective and over-involved
6.Children without siblings are horribly precoscious and cling round adults being annoying

(these MUST be true - read them on MN)

My ds is an currently an only child, seems so final to say he always will be as the jury's kind of out on that.

I know at least 4 other only children on fo aged 4 and up.

Oh, I'm an only child to. And it's not such a bad fate you know

1. only children are spoilt.

8.only children cannot share. 9.poor old only children,they have to cope with elderly parents alone(yeah,like that issue has never caused ANY conflict amongst families/siblings) 10.only children are like strange liitle adults and cannot relate to other children.

The majority of both dd and ds's friends are only children. It must be at least 50:50 in their classes. I hadn't realised that it was thought to be unusual to be honest- I've had to wrack my brains trying to think who is an only child and who isn't. Interestingly though, fennel, when I think of my friends, most of whom are academics () they mostly have two children. Maybe that's because they're all geneticists and simply couldn't resist the urge to experiment though

Tamum, surely they need a large sample to analyse, though?

Yes, actually they could all do with several more- I'll go and tell them.

tamum, my colleagues tend to be feminist academics who don't want to trash their careers.

incidentally one notorious woman academic writes about how these career-minded women of one are just "playing" at motherhood.

friend with 3 small boys told me that mothers of only girls hadn't really experienced parenthood. tis true i have never washed a willy but apart from that, really....

Blimey fennel, what a lot of charmers Willy washing an over-rated pastime IMHO.

Well dd was an only child for a while - until ds came along. Figure skewed by first time parents who haven't got around to further children yet? 40% seems too high to be representative to me.

Fennel, I've often been told that as I have "only" got a girl, I haven't got a clue what motherhood is really like, and I apparently also don't know what it means to love a child because "It's different when you have a boy".

I only have 1 experience of an only child and thats my SIL. I love her dearly dont get me wrong, but she is spoilt. Mainly to do with her parents though - and she is the first to admit it. She had everything she ever wanted, and that has continued into adulthood.

I dont think its fair to make judgements, people make their own choices and live with the consequences!!! (I have 2 under 2 at the moment and intend to have at least one more before i give up!)

GDG, I bet there is regional variation in those stats I presented earlier. Only that is a yearly survey and i don't think it goes down to small areas. Must have a look sometime, if I can ignore the housework hard enough.

DS is an only, due to my ovaries packing up before I got around to having another. I think people would be surprised as to just how many only children are down to infertility - it's not like everyone wants to go around shouting that they can't have more kids, far easier to just not say anything. Indeed, several friends have only children thanks to IVF - but have decided not to let the world and his missus know about it or any subsequent failed attempts to have more.

I reckon that's a reason for many. Also I may not go onto number two due to feeling haggard and tired and past it at 38 - but then my thyroxine treatment is only just kicking in so don't quote me. Also, we would happily adopt but are both getting a bit ancient for those requirements it seems. So you may also see us fostering at some stage.

The ONS stats and commentary are quite interesting. Eg 'In 2004 nearly two thirds (64 per cent) of lone-father families had only one child living with them, the largest proportion of any family type. The proportion of married couple families with one child was the smallest at 37 per cent. Married couples were more likely than other family types to have three or more children.'

Also that lone-father households tend to be those with older kids.