My stepson is really unassertive

[WaitingForMe]

My eldest stepson is 7 and stays with us once in the week and on alternate weekends. He is the sweetest kid and is one of the most empathetic people I know. He's currently being assessed for dyspraxia but despite his challenges loves school and tries really hard.

My concern is how little he asserts himself. Fortunately at school he's very popular (possibly because he just goes with the crowd) but his little brother (4) is definitely the one in charge. That would be fair enough but if one of the cats jumps on the sofa he moves to accommodate it. Last night DH held him on his knee during story time as he was moving to let the cat take his place. We tried explaining he is more important than the cat and asked whether he was scared of it but he said not.

I don't care whether he wants to be a heart surgeon or a gardener. I just want him to find his path in life and be happy but worry how he'll do that if he always puts himself at the bottom of the pile. It's even a challenge to get him to ask for what he wants even silly stuff like a particular drink when to my knowledge neither us nor his mother have ever refused a reasonable request.

Am I worrying over nothing?

It's not uncommon for a relatively quiet child to be bossed around by a more ebullient younger sibling. Older children often feel that they have to 'look after' younger ones and take responsibility for others ... might even have been told to do that, in fact... ' be kind', 'keep an eye on the baby' and so on. Moving over for the cat could just be that he likes to sit next to the cat.

If he struggles to express himself and ask for things you just have to give him time and opportunity. He may still find the yo-yo-ing from one house to another unsettling

Thanks. His younger brother had a heart condition that he needed surgery for so it makes sense he may have felt the need to be gentle around him (though he never got told it from me or his dad).

With the cat he gets off the sofa to give it to the cat! It's only in the last few months we've got him saying no to his brother taking his toys instead of just letting him.

Maybe it is the two household thing. Unfortunately that doesn't have a solution

I'm the older sibling and, even though my DB didn't have a heart condition, I was always told I had to be kind and nice to him.... even though he ticked me right off a lot of the time! It's the fate of the older child in many ways. If he's basically a nice enthusiastic child that works hard and has plenty of friends, I don't think there's too much to worry about. Just make a special effort to praise him and boost his confidence when he's done something particularly well. Quiet ones that 'just get on with it' often don't get the attention they deserve