having school friends over, how does this work??

[kickingking]

My Year R son has said he wants a school friend to come and play at our house. I don't know this boy at all - just by sight from the playground.

We've never done this before - all other 'playdates' have been with children whose mothers I have been friendly with, and I stayed at the house with DS, or the other kids' mum stayed with them at our house, for lunch or whatever.

I'm happy to have this friend over, but what do I do? Approach his mum at pick up time and say 'DS would like to have x over? And you're welcome too, of course' ???

And what about when DS is invited to a friend's house who I don't know? Don't feel at all comfortable leaving him there for two hours at age 5 when I don't know the family. Should I say that DS is a little unsure and could I stay at the house with him? Will that look really strange?

Help, I have no idea how this works these days - used to go to friends houses that my parents didn't know from Adam, and vice versa in 1985 but that approach does not sit well with me.

i would ask mum in the playground if x can come over for a couple of hours etc (does he live local) and you can drop him off....

i think when it is turn for your ds to go (and when he feels ready) you should make the same arrangements etc...

dont go with him...remember this other mum probably feels the same way as you...you could start the converstion off in a friendy, laughing way to ease the pressure....i am sure you will both come up with a compromise re picking up arrangements etc ..good luck xxx

He'll be fine - what do you think might happen at someone else's hosue?! Yes you will look strange and paranoid if you insist on turning up!

Yes - just go up to mum in the playground and see what she says.

I understand how you feel about this, i felt the same.

We asked the boys mum in the playground at picking up time but gave a weeks notice, never did it for the same day.
We then collected the child, they played (lovely) and had tea, the boys mum picked them up at 5ish, so just a short time.
Boys had a lovely time.

When it came time for ds to go, i just bit the bullet and did it...it was fine and it fostered such good friendships for my son. Worth just doing.

Defo DO NOT go with your son, defo do not do that. Not a good idea at all.

Agree you do need to bite the bullet and ask DS's friend's mum if he can come play, and not expect to accompany DS when he goes on his own playdates at 5 - he needs to learn to separate from you and tagging along on playdates prolongs this process unnecessarily.

Having said that, playdates can be a good opportunity for parents to get to know each other as well. Make sure when the mum comes to get DS's friend you build in enough time for a cup of tea, or maybe even a glass of wine, and a chat while the kids "find their shoes" (it always takes longer than you think it will!). That chat will help you determine whether you feel ok about your DS going to play at their house (though I agree it should be fine anyway...).