Ok, need a strategy here...

[littlemisspiggy]

to cope with a newborn and an active 31/2 year old. DS2 is due in May. With DS1 I found the first few weeks (ok 2 months)v. difficult- no sleep,cabin fever etc etc the usual. The thing is I'm fully aware it will be no easier the second time around and DS1 will be taken out of nursery so will be around as well. Also I got really frustrated with getting behind domestically (cleaning, laundry, washing up etc). Our house isn't sparkling at the best of times but I know my DH and I will both get depressed if it all descends into even further chaos.
So I would be grateful for advice on coping strategies by anyone who's been in that situation. i know lots of people say sod the the housework but I think that will just make us feel worse.

do you have to take ds1 out of nursery? Might it not be better for him and you if he keeps his routine?

I'm in that situation now - albeit with a younger older child (DS1 is 22mo). DS2 is 4 weeks old today.

I've found a lot of it a lot easier this time round, largely because it's not such a huge life change having a second child. With DS1, I not only had to cope with looking after a new baby, learning to breastfeed, healing (had a bad, bad tear) and having no sleep, I also had to get DH to do things.

This time round, DH has been brilliant - he knows what needs doing, I don't have to make all the decisions about every little thing.

As for keeping up to date with jobs, etc - do the bare minimum to keep it presentable and don't fret too much about it. You'll have taken DS1 out of nursery, so could you afford to pay a cleaner a couple of hours a week? Will DS1 get a free nursery place?

Can you get a cleaner in for the first month?.. that will give you one less thing to worry about.
The weather will be nice(?) do you have a garden that DS! can play in...
I presume he is being taken out of nursery because you will be at home, will be be going to a lea run nursery for 2 1/2 hours a day?? this is free for his age...
could you cook lots of food for the freezer now.. that you could just heat up later...

enjoy that time..... they grow up fast believe me...(mine are 7 and 9 and they were easier that age!!!)

Surely at 3.6 DS would be eligible for nursery funding for 2.5 hours a day? I know that the summer hols will also fall into this period but even so you would have a couple of months first. Also I would make the best use of outdoors. I assume that your DS1 was a winter baby. It's much easier to get out with them in the summer months. DD was born in May when DS was 3.6 and going for walks etc was much easier. (Also house cannot get worse while you are out).

Thanks for your replies.
We won't have the funds for nursery (or a cleaner) as I am the breadwinner but in Sept he will start reception from 9-3 5 days a week.

Bozza he is eligible for funding at the current nursery but they require upfront payment of fees every month then give you a refund cheque. Judging by this terms effort it's not a v. efficient process so we could be left in a tricky situation.

i agree that the summer months will make it easier. DS1 was born in the autumn and it was quite depressing not to be able to go out. I am also looking forward to spending time with DS1.

I just wondered how people managed on a daily basis with 2. E.g who gets fed first? What do I do if baby is screaming its little head off and DS1 has a sudden urgent need for the loo? etc etc.

I think I could probably cope if I'd had a good night's sleep first but what if I'm a complete zombie myself?

Maybe I'm worrying about it too much.

DS1 usually comes first because if he thinks that DS2's getting all the attention, I'm worried he'll start biting him. He's been very sweet with the baby so far though!

DS2 gets put down in a hurry and looks startled at times (like today when DS1 fell and banged his chin while climbing on his garage).

The younger child gets more of your time in the evenings (and at night...!) - also DS1 has a nap still, so DS2 gets that time (although he's been asleep for the same time today).

You will find ways to make things work for you, I promise.

Just had dd2 (now six months) and dd1 is 2.4
I think they both got used to waiting while the other was seen to, so dd2 particularly has learned to be really patient, also dd1 can see when dd2 is upset and needs seeing to, so as long as I tell her what I'm doing clearly she is usually OK with it. I involved her loads (e.g. encouraged her to fetch a little chair so she could see up to the changing table when the baby was up there, or choose a book to read together when feeding the baby). Everything takes longer with her peering over but its worth it for keeping her involved and happy. I used a baby sling/papousse loads in the first few months, as newborns love the snuggly feeling, and although its physically hard work carrying them, it means two free hands to deal with the toddler (I know your ds1 is a bit older though). We tried to get out most days - would your ds1 run a round a soft play/wacky warehouse while you sit with the baby? Again the baby was happy to sleep in the pram or sling if we went to the park and its easy to keep them warm and snuggly at that age.
The housework can be a nightmare, if only because I sometimes feel I've spent all day tidying/cooking etc and not really playing with the kids, although not often really true. We do our big house clean on a Saturday while dd2 has her longest nap of the day. I do upstairs while dd1 'helps' or snuggles up in our bed and talks to me, while dh does downstairs, then we wash the floors and retreat to the lounge with a coffee and snack. Otherwise I do a quick tidy through every evening once they are in bed, and clean the kitchen a bit every time I wash up or fill the dishwasher. The washing machine is going all weekend and most of the week as well, but luckily dh is great at doing that. I don't mostly bother to do ironing, so can't help you with that bit, sorry.
Sometimes I set my dd1 up with play-do and cutters etc while I do something. Or a dvd but she mostly likes me to watch those with her.
Will you freeze loads of meals in advance so that you won't have to cook the first few weeks?

i think the freezing food in advance is a good idea. I will try and do that when I'm off work waiting for baby to arrive.
Jiminy, I will also try and get to Clown Town, a soft play centre. You seem mighty busy night and day. How do you cope with tiredness?

I think it was just adrenaline in the early days. Also its sooo tiring in the late stages of pregnancy (sorry to remind you...) that its something of a relief to have got through that. Luckily dd2 still has a pm nap, so I would try to get them down at the same time and then have a rest myself (don't need the sleep anymore but its still nice to have an uninterrupted coffee!)

My DS was 2.9 when I had DD. Getting out and about in the mornign was not too bad, I just made sure I got the baby ready when she woke up first thing and that worked out OK. I found if I went out or had something planned in the morning that was good as DS was occupied at his most active part of the day. After lunch he would watch a video or CBeebies or something and I would try to feed baby and get her to sleep and start cooking the tea (do the prep) and any other chores I could then because if I left it til tea time all hell would break loose (DS would be waiting for his tea, DD would start cluster feeding for the night and I would put stuff on to cook, go off to feed DD and then wonder what that burning smell was!).

Oh yes that is a really good tip - write a list of meals that you can largely prepare in advance (I love my oven timer and slow cooker, or stack things ahead of time in my steamer) so that it doesn't matter whether you get it ready at 9am or 3pm, its ready for tea time and you don't have to prepare it during that hectic 5 o'clock time.
I forgot to say before, having two has also been the best fun

You will be surprised how quickly you get used to juggling the two and will look back when you had DS1 as a baby and think 'why could I never get out the house before 1 pm??!!" As DS2 gets a little older you won't have to give him the full on attention that you probably gave DS1 because he will be watching DS1 racing around - and while he is doing that you can quickly catch up on stuff.

Oh and the makes loads of food up and freeze it is a brill idea. I bought a huge 7 drawer freezer when I was preg with no 3 and it saved my life.

I think jiminycricket is right. It was such a relief to not be heavily pregnant with a 3 yo that I seemed to cope. I think you have to be prepared to be a bit less there immediately with the baby. As far as the toilet is concerned, does DS need you there. At that age my DS could manage it all apart from bottom wiping (not required every time!) and flushing. So basically he could go for a wee and wash his hands on his own and then I could come along after at some point and flush the toilet.

I tended to feed DS first and then sit at the table with him and feed DD (breastfed) while he was eating. You can read stories while feeding the baby.

Also I started doing both kids together as soon as possible - so chivvying DS along to get dressed while I was dressing DD, baths together asap etc.

Thanks everyone.
Bozza, he can go to the loo on his own but if I'm around he pretends he can't 'mummy you come too' and wants me there. I do it because I'd prefer that than him getting all agitated and then having an accident on the floor. Also I think its part of wanting my attention all to himself as I work full time.

I have 23 months between mine and thought the same. My Big thing would be to try and keep things the same for your DS1. Same as u can anyway.
My worry was baby screaming and it turned out i had the child from hell so in the end i figured that if he was goinna scream then 2 more mins while i finished DS1s story wasn't going to hurt.

I tried to do things for DS1 first as obv he wasn't used to waiting. Funny how quickly u learn to feed at the same time as read a story, cuddle them both and have a quick bite to eat

If u can't/don't want to go out then just sit in teh garden, ur littlest will sleep whereever and your biggest will enjoy the freedom.