What would you do if your 4 year old stole something?

[jenrose29]

I have been out with various friends recently whose children aged around 4 have helped themselves to things from shops. One took something on the way out of a soft play area, another took a drink from a shop when we were at a theme park. On both occasions both parents told the child it was wrong to take it, but still let them have it. If it had been my daughter, I would have made her take it back, apologise and then said I was taking her to the police station. Harsh perhaps but the idea of the police would mean she would never consider doing it again - which she wouldn't anyway but... what would you do?

It happened to me when dd was 5 and I took her back to the shop to reyurn it- it was a ribbon bow, 50p. I then asked a local policeman to have a word. Everything is cool and she has been great since.

I don't think I'd be mentioning policemen but I'd certainly take the item back and apologise. 4 is old enough to understand that they can't just take things without permission.

My eldest once did this at the same age a few times!
I got her to hand it over to the shop keeper and apologise, she stole a ragu sauce whilst in her buggy, some toothpicks & kinder egg all on separate occasions!
With the last one i pretended to be on the phone to the police-she didnt do it again after that

not the same age-i meant 3

I think with a small child I would take the item back to the shop. There is no way I would let them have the item as they would have gained from stealing. However I think invovling the police is a bit heavy handed. I want my children to see the police as their friends.

When I was that age, my sister (1 year older) and me stole some sweets from a shop. My mother discovered this when we got home. Not only did we get a serious telling off, but she made us take them back to the shop and apologise to the manager. It worked. I never stole again and I don't believe my sister did either. It's the perfect age to nip it in the bud.

I would take it back to the shop and make them apologise. If it wasn't possible to take it back then it would go straight in the bin - there's no way on earth that they'd get to keep it.

I wouldn't talk about police at 4 yrs old though - lots about "how would you feel if someone took something of yours without asking?" though.

I agree that young children should be encouraged to see Police as people that are there to help rather than be feared. I would make my DC take the item back to the shop and apologise and explain why it's important not to take things that aren't theirs.

I made DS take the thing back to the shop and say sorry.

NO WAY would he be allowed to keep it.

I'd make them take it back and apologise, definitely definitely not keep it. Some parents defy belief.

I'd definitely make her take it back and say sorry. Well, she's 2 now and clams up in front of strangers, so I'd say sorry on her behalf at this point, but in the future she'll be doing it herself. There's no way on earth she'd be allowed to keep the item!

I nicked a couple of things at school in my first year of infants - lifted one girl's My Little Pony that I reeeeally wanted, and then fraudulently claimed a cuddly toy from lost property. I knew it was wrong enough to fabricate (totally unconvincing) cover stories for my parents, who sussed me immediately and took me in to see the Head and return the toys. But I just hadn't got my head round the idea that the toys' owners would be affected. Once I understood that properly, I never did it again. So I'd go heavy on the how-would-you-feel stuff rather than talking about the police. I remember taking all sorts of odd notions into my head at that age, and I don't want her thinking she's some kind of notorious criminal and not approaching a policeman if she needs help!

I have a 4 year old. I'd make clear we can't just take things from shops without paying money for them, as that's called stealing and is wrong.
Then I'd take him back to the shop, apologising profusely and make him hand it back!

What everyone else said.

OP, sorry, but your friends sounds ineffectual and the rewards they are giving their DCs for anti-social behaviour will come back and bite them on the bum.

My eldest 'lifted' a rubber thing that fits onto pencils when she was 4. I took her back to the shop to hand it over and apologise. She's almost 27 now and has never 'lifted' anything since then!

An alternative perspective for gafhyb. I'd do the same as everyone else here - stern telling off and off to the shop to take it back and apologise. But when I was about 6, I stole a pound off my dad. He found out and though he told me that it was wrong to steal, he did let me keep the pound. I felt so guilty that I never did anything of the sort again. I'm not sure I'd be as confident in using that kind of reverse psychology on my kids, but it did work!

Interesting ....... libelulle. He must have been very confident of the existence of your conscience

I guess he was! And interesting that he was right. Who knows what proportion of kids it would work with!