Help, dh seems to be becoming Mummy as well

[arabella2]

Sorry to sound churlish. Ds is now two and for a little while he has started to go to dh (whom he loves a lot) even when he is unwell (as he is tonight, hence the time we are up) and I have to admit I don't like it!
He sees a lot of dh and me as I look after him full time and dh works from home. He absolutely loves playing with dh who has a "whacky" side and he adores him. So he should. Up until now however it's always been me if he has been feeling unwell. I know he is changing, understanding a lot more, so it stands to reason that he is starting to realise that Daddy can look after him as well as Mummy in the caring respect, and his Dad does give him wonderful cuddles.
What I don't like is that dh will often ask him if he wants to come to him when I am giving him cuddles so then ds switches from me to him. I never or rarely butt into dh's cuddles but dh feels the need to do this with me, often seeming jealous.
Tonight when ds went to dh I felt bereft. As if my role as mother is over, I may as well go out to work. Sorry if I sound ridiculous. I'm just exposing how I actually felt rather than how I know I "should" feel as a "loving and generous" person. Also, I am expecting another baby at the end of March, and I am worried this is definitely going to be the end of our special bond as I will have to spend so much time with the little thing.
Anybody relate to any of this?

He only has one mum and that is you, nothing can ever take that away. Little boys do tend to adore their dads, mine does. But they go through phases of preferring one parent or the other. With ds it is usually dh he prefers. I love watching them together, they do have a great relationship and I look forward to seeing it develop as ds grows.

He still wants me sometimes, that's good enough for me, it gets me out of changing lots of pooey nappies evenings and weekends!

Dr Phil says that any child's primary relationship will be with the same-sex parent. So this is normal behaviour. But he will always, always love and adore and need his mum. And you will always have someone else to help you when you are busy with the new baby. Perfect.

I just noticed what you said about dh butting into your cuddles. How much of the time is dh at home? If he is out at work during the day, he probably misses ds and wants to make the most of his time with him. Can you explain to him how much these cuddles mean to you and ask him to let them end naturally?

Sometimes my ds tells me that he wishes I was Daddy, and that he had 2 daddies instead of a daddy and a mummy. At first I was a bit upset by this, despite its cleverness, but then I realised that ds is working out all the different relationships that he is in, and how he feels about them. Yesterday I upset my mum by phoning up in tears and asking to speak to my dad - not her. I still love her and need her, but sometimes I need my dad.

You are still the centre of your son's universe.

If you're pg then there is also a positive side to your ds feeling good about getting affection from his dad, in that he may feel less 'pushed-out' when your d? is born.

Nonetheless, I would second Janstar's post about talking to your dh. When ds was born I suddenly never got a kiss from dh when he came home, he was too busy fussing over ds. I got very upset but didn't say anything at first, but then I realised that he just didn't understand what bothered me and he certainly wasn't going to work it out for himself, so I told him how I felt and reminded him to kiss me when he came home. And blow me but it happened again when dd was born!

arabella,

I do think its bang out of order and insensitive of your dh to ask ds if he wants to go to him, whilst you are cuddling ds.

Stern words with dh are called for I think!