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Original poster

How old is too old to bath together?

29 replies

mommybunny · 09/05/2012 12:49

DS is 7, DD is 5. It's much easier to bath them together at the same time, but I'm starting to wonder if it's time to stop it. There is a boy in DS's year who has been accused of behaving inappropriately with the year-younger brother of a classmate, and it's polarised the parents of almost the whole year group. For my part, I believe that probably the conduct happened but was blown out of all proportion - 6 year-old kids exploring themselves with nothing at all sinister attached to it.

I won't go into any more specifics, but it has made me realise DS is growing up, and maybe it's time to start explaining to him that certain parts of our bodies are private. For his part, he has no discomfort whatsoever, no need to keep anything private, and I don't want to engender any unnecessarily by making an issue of this. To my knowledge he is blissfully unaware of the controversy at school, though I know some of the kids are aware and have discussed it with their parents. DS and DD know there are differences between them (of course) and sometimes point them out in the bath (the obvious place), but don't make an issue of it. I want them both to have a healthy relationship with their own bodies.

At what age did you stop bathing DCs together?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Seona1973 · 09/05/2012 12:54

mine havent bathed together for a while but mainly because they were fighting over the bath space (they are 5 and 8)! They now use the shower one after another

ornellaia · 09/05/2012 13:03

Mine are 6 and 5 and still share a bath, although they have (separate) showers more often. My main objection to them sharing is that it almost always ends in a fight. I figured they'd tell me when they don't want to share any more.

TheCunningStunt · 09/05/2012 13:06

I guess when they want to stop? Mine are 3&5 and still bath together. Tough my five year old is starting to want "privacy" to get dried and dressed after the bath. So I'll let him call the shots on this one...or dd if she decides!

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TheRhubarb · 09/05/2012 13:08

My dd aged 11 will have a shower at the same time as my ds who is 8 has a bath. They have no qualms or hangups yet about being naked in front of either each other or us.

I was still having a bath with my younger brother when I was 12.

Don't let one episode put you off. We adults tend to overthink these things. If they are happy still to be bathed together then let them. You're probably supervising anyway I should imagine.

GladbagsAndYourHandrags · 09/05/2012 13:12

Mine are 7 and 5 and share about 50% of the time these days. Normally because they like more space, or one is doing something else, rather than a privacy thing.

They are quite random in going from being private one day ('get out of my roooooom don't look at my BOTTOM!') to stripping off and streaking through the house/garden the next.

They know that their penis/vagina/etc are private but nothing to be embarrassed of.

GobblersKnob · 09/05/2012 13:13

Ds is nearly 8 and still baths with his 4yo sister, they play together in the bath and like it. I will stop when one of them no longer wants to share. When we visit friends wth kids of a similar age they all bath together, we are starting to have to shoe horn them in though I'll be sad when they are too big to do that anymore.

seeker · 09/05/2012 13:13

When they want to stop.

seeker · 09/05/2012 13:15

Interested to know how you all know about the accusation of "inappropriate behaviour", though.

GooseyLoosey · 09/05/2012 13:16

just 9 and nearly 8 and they have not objected, although ds prefers showers so they don't jump in the bath that often any more.

As soon as they object, I will ensure that they get as much privacy as they want.

Original poster

mommybunny · 09/05/2012 13:17

OK, from replies so far, thanks for not making me feel I was being somehow deviant! I was a little afraid I would get some "ewww..." replies.

I can't remember when I stopped bathing with my brothers.

The point about the kids fighting in the bath is a good one - mine do fight a bit for space, so maybe on that ground alone it could be worth considering doing them separately. And yes, of course, they are always supervised.

OP posts:

TheRhubarb · 09/05/2012 13:18

Seeker, without knowing the details it's hard to know isn't it?

I worked in a primary school and those kids who displayed overt sexual behaviour were the ones that were usually (and I do say USUALLY) from abused backgrounds themselves. We were told to look out for it.

However if this is just an exploration game between 2 kids, then I certainly wouldn't make a big deal out of it but seize it as the ideal time to teach them about privacy, i.e. anything that is covered by your swimming trunks/bikini is private and you shouldn't let anyone touch that.

Original poster

mommybunny · 09/05/2012 13:22

Seeker, I heard about the accusation third-or-fourthhand - I have no idea where in the knowledge chain I was. I work FT so I don't see a lot of the mums on a daily basis. I really shouldn't say any more about it - it's not really relevant.

OP posts:

TheRhubarb · 09/05/2012 13:23

Oops, read that seeker wanting to know how we defined "inappropriate behaviour", so dismiss that last post - sorry!

TheRhubarb · 09/05/2012 13:23

grammar also gone to pot today. Typing fingers won't keep up with my thoughts.

rhibutterfly · 09/05/2012 13:24

When my nephew stayed over recently i put him in bath with my DD (both 6) they see nothing wrong in it as far as they're concerned if they're in each others homes at bathtime they go in together, i'll only stop if they ask or in couple years when no room for 2 x

SardineQueen · 09/05/2012 13:26

When either of them says they want to stop I think.

DB and I bathed together until, um, I was about 8 and him 7?

seeker · 09/05/2012 13:32

Mommy bunny- then it's almost certainly not true, so I wouldn't give it another thought.

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake · 09/05/2012 13:33

My 13 year old son has been on his own for about 3 years, My ten year old daughter has just started to bath on her own too, but if we are running late I can put her in with her sisters.

My little ones (girls) still go in together.

Its a shame something nice and innocent like them having a bath together and being covered in bubbles and using all my posh bubble bath grrrrr and making a mess of the bathroom would be ruined.

Original poster

mommybunny · 09/05/2012 13:42

Seeker, whether or not the accusation was true was never my point - my point was that, rightly or wrongly, people I know have started seeing 6 and 7 year-old boys as potential sexual beings, and that perhaps it was time for me to start doing so regarding my DS myself, in the hope that I can help manage his transition as healthfully as possible.

Someone suggested I may be overthinking this based on one episode, and that may be right, but the truth or not of the original accusation has nothing to do with it.

(This all feels like something out of a Richard and Judy Book Club novel...)

OP posts:

seeker · 09/05/2012 13:59

I'm sorry. You seemed to be considering changing the way your family operates based on a third or fourth hand account of something that may or may not have happened. Which there is no need to do.

BloooCowWonders · 09/05/2012 14:18

Just wondering how you'd fit a 7 and 5 yr old in the bath together!

FWIW, mine started feeling the need for privacy at about 8 although ds still is prone to running from bathroom to bedroom shouting at us not to look

And my 5 yr old still needs reminding to shut the loo door.

Beanbagz · 09/05/2012 15:21

Sometimes my DD (10), DS (7) and I (early 40s) all share a shower. Are we too old???

DD & DS don't tend to share as DD generally has a shower and DS has a bath. They probably only stopped sharing a bath last year though.

Pinkiemum · 09/05/2012 15:24

OneHandFlapping · 09/05/2012 15:27

Mine got all coy when they started growing body hair, and I just went along with it. So about 10/11 I think.

imnotmymum · 09/05/2012 15:31

I have often wandered about this what is normal. Mine two youngest still share a bath sometimes DS8/DD 10.
I still share a bath sometimes with them both too[not at same time, I do not have a giant bath]
Older two 12/13 have triple locks and barracades however all wander in and out when I am in bath/shower looking mardy as I dare to take up mirror space.

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