What would you do, shy ds 9 being teased at school

[sonotmumsie]

Ds age 9 is unhappy at school as a few children are teasing him, his words are 'annoying' him, by singing teasing rhymes to hi
. They've been taking his pens in class whilst he's writing, kicking his chair. He's now been moved to another table but he says they're still annoying him at playtime. He tells them to stop, but it keeps happening. He's becoming more of a loner at school. As far as i'm aware its only been happening over the last month, he told me last week and i said i'd speak to the teacher to move him onto a different table. This had now happened without me talking to the teacher. Ds is shy and an only child so is unsure of how to handle being teased. I've advised him to ignore it but its still continuing. We're due to move next year and he wants to now move schools asap. What would you advise to help him deal with them, would you speak to the school/class teacher?

I'm so sorry your DS is having trouble at school... I was bullied horribly at school and dread the same thing happening to my DDs (not at school yet). It seems the teachers are already aware of the problem because they have moved him onto another table. Could you arrange a meeting with his teachers to discuss the problem? If he is unhappy enough to want to move schools then you definitely need to take action... I think the sooner the better things are resolved as it is such a horrible thing to be picked on.

also, it is great he can tell you what is happening to him at school..

Thanks tristessed, I could weep for him, he's such a sweet boy. I don't think the kids are intentionally being mean (although they will know he's annoyed as he will tell them) - they were friends last year - but kids can be nasty when they gang up. Its obviously making him unhappy so I feel I need to do something.

There is a fabulous book called Bullies, Bigmouths and So-called Friends. It gives really good strategies for children who are being bullied. My DD has used it, and it really seems to have helped.

Thanks HandMadeTail, I'll have a look at that. I want to help him to deal with it himself (as well as steam in and sort them out myself!)

My daughter is 4 and every day she comes home from nursery telling me who is her best friend and who is no longer her best friend - it seems so changeable!! I think I worry about her friendships more than she does and I certainly try to make light of her social-life developments even though I am terrified she will have the same awful experiences I did (though she is much cooler and more gregarious than I ever was so I really shouldn't worry). What I am trying to say is that a lot of it is just innocent and to be expected BUT I don't have a 9 year old so I can't really qualify to give you advice. All I know is that kids can be very nasty because they have immature social skills - they haven't learnt them yet. I do think that if your lovely little boy is unhappy you should talk to his teacher and also keep talking to him and make sure he knows you care... HTH

Can you do some play sessions at home ie invite a child over to play? They are normally a lot better when on one to one.

Does he do any outside school activities to help make friends outside of his school circle or can he playout with children in his road?

It sounds like the teacher is aware if he has been moved but if you feel a chat woould help it really wouldn't hurt.

sorry, didn't mean to imply that your DS might not know you care - that was more about me than you :(

Tackle it with the school,
Be proactive.
Don't let it go on and on ......
It can really dent self esteem,
And that can be hard to bounce back from,
Go For it !!!

Thanks all for your support and advice. I've ordered the book, decided to have a chat with his teacher and invite one of his friends for tea

I agree with Bumdrop. Take a hard line with the teachers because, if you go for a 'chat', they'll think you're not all that bothered. My DS had similar experiences in Y5 and I made the mistake of 'chats' that got precisely nowhere. Talking to a good friend who was quite involved with school like she outlined a plan of action that, to me, sounded totally OTT but which she assured me was necessary.

• tough talk to the teacher and give them a deadline for improvement. One week, say. Have a follow-up meeting where they tell you what they've actually done.
• if that doesn't work or you're not satisfied with the action, write to the head teacher demanding the bullies are dealt with formally, parents are called in and so forth
• if that doesn't work contact the LEA and copy the head-teacher.
• if all the above doesn't work remove your child to a different school rather than blight their experience

At the same time, assure your DS that you, the teachers and the head-teacher are on his side. You have to go in fighting

Sorry to hear about this worry, bullying is truly awful. My DS went through it on starting high school and DD (10) has had plenty of experience of catty girls who gang up and are friends one min and not the next. You are doing the best thing by talking to the school. You've already had some great advice, let them know you are serious and that you want it to STOP. They should want the best for your child as you do. Let you DS know you are listening to him and taking it seriously whilst at the same time being careful not to turn it into a big issue (tricky one this, it's a fine art of acting).

Good luck, let us all know how you are getting on if you get chance.