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How long did it take for your 1st born to accept the 2nd?

4 replies

No2arrived · 08/05/2012 20:11

Basically thats it! My 18 month old dd has gone from being a happy little girl to being incredibly whingy and in constant need of my attention.
She is lovely with the baby, though I'm terrified she will hit him, not out of spite but because she hits everything and if I'm feeding him or cuddling him she has to be on my knee too and has tried to pull him off me a few times.
I expected her to react in some way and I know she just needs reassurance but the constant whining and crying is really wearing me down and I feel as if I'm letting her and my week old ds down.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that it'll get better and an idea of how long it'll take.

Thanks

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
hideschocolateinthesofa · 08/05/2012 21:34

Hi No2, congratulations on the birth of your DS.

I have an 18 month age gap between my two boys, DS1 was fairly chilled out from the beginning, more fascinated by him and too young to now remember a time without him. DS2 is 4 months old now and DS1 will run and get a dummy when he cries (though DS2 is a thumb sucker now), comes and tells me if he's crying and bundles him on the floor when DS2 is laying down and asks for cuddles with him and loves being a helper - when I've finished changing a nappy DS1 runs off with it and throws it in the bin!

However, he will hit DS2 if he is cross with me in any way, telling him no for something, has never had a problem with me bfing, but will do naughty things whilst I'm feeding cos he knows I can't get up and stop him! DS1 does get jealous, its all for my attention, today he hit out because I was holding DS2 and he wanted to read a story!

Your DD will get used to her brother quickly, one week isn't long. Do you have a box of special toys you can get out when it's feed time? I found I could devote time to DS1 once DS2s sleep was better and feeds didn't take so long, but our experiences sound very different, it depends on the nature and personality of the older child!

Just take things as they come, CBeebies is your friend and tbh your DD will go through developmental leaps of her own, at 22 months DS1s vocab has just exploded, so with time she will be able to express herself better and tell you what she wants.

What I'm saying in a very waffly way is it totally depends on the child but your DD soon won't remember a time without him, maybe involve her in bathtime (we wash baby's hair together).

You are not letting them down, it is one week in to a big adjustment for you all, my HV just said to me they both have to learn to cope without your instant attention, and babies and toddlers have to be the most self-centred beings around!

Hope things get easier for you, they will, it may take a few weeks but then you'll see the two of them together and it will make you smile

ReallyTired · 09/05/2012 10:33

Congratulations!

I suppose its hard to advise as I have a seven year age gap.

However a lot of 18 month old children become difficult whether they have a sibling or not. Some of what you describe may well be the terrible twos although I am sure that it must be tough to adjusting to having a sibling.

Even with my son it took him several weeks to get used to having a baby sister. Its tough in the early weeks because the baby has no concept of day or night. My seven year old at one point wanted to swap his siser for a friends's guinea pig. I think the first six weeks are the hardest and it does get better.

WowOoo · 09/05/2012 10:38

A couple of weeks.
This is what a midwife told me at hospital and I'd say she was pretty much spot on.

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No2arrived · 11/05/2012 12:39

Sorry to post and run, things have been hectic round here.
Thanks for the replies, its good to here that things get better within weeks rather than months!
I know a week isn't long and I need to give us all more time, just needed to hear it would get better!

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