I am so embarassed - 18 month old still having milk during the night

[emmyloo2]

Well the title of the post says it all. My 18 month still wakes between 3am and 6am asking for a bottle of milk. It's not every night but probably 3-4 times a week. He goes straight back to sleep afterwards. I am embarassed because clearly we have encouraged this by giving it to him in the first place but I don't know what else to do. I have tried controlled crying and had a sleep consultant in to fix his bedtimes. We did controlled crying for his bedtimes and now he is perfect and goes down without a peep. However, we can't seem to stop him waking in the early hours of the morning. It's usually between 4am and 5am. He then will often go back to sleep until 7.30am.

I feel like I am failing and I know people would be tut tutting about giving him milk. He just seems to really want it. I know it's obviously a crutch he is using to help him back to sleep.

He has one sleep during the day around 12.30pm for betwene 2-3 hours. He doesn't eat a big breakfast but eats lunch and dinner really well.

TBH, the waking doesn't bother me too much because he just snuggles in our bed, drinks his milk and then we put him back in his sleeping bag and he generally goes back to sleep. However, it's just the knowledge that we shouldn't be doing this that makes it hard for me. My SIL (oh wise one and perfect mother of 5 who is perfect in every respect) tells us we should just ignore him and her 2.5 year old never wakes at night.

Any advice would be welcome!

Thanks

Aw, don't be embarassed! I co-slept with my DS until he was 3 and was breastfed until then too - so he would feed sometimes in the night, especially at 18 months.

Your DS is still a BABY! he is not going to be waking for a bottle of milk when he is 18 years old

If you don't mind getting up for him, and if he goes back to sleep until 7 ish, then I would say you are not failing, you are succeeding! Have you seen the number of messages on MN about early waking babies?

THe only thing maybe you should be starting to think about is his teeth. You could try gradually reducing the amount of milk, or offering water first (he may just be thirsty)

once again, you really have nothing to be embarassed about - ignore anyone who tells you otherwise.

Don't be embarassed! Decide what you want and what is right for yourself and your son. There is no perfect solution to parenthood.

Stopping the feed during the night took us about 3 days - DD would wake up, expect to be fed but we (my DH; it broke my heart - she was BF at that point) would give water instead. It was tough but, for us, we felt she was old enough to do without the night time feed (and we neeede dthe sleep!).

Thanks. I worry about his teeth because he is hopeless at brushing them anyway. He goes into lockdown and won't open his mouth. I might try and offer a bottle of water tonight if he wakes up. Last night I tried a cup of water but that didn't quite cut it.

I should add that this is a relatively recent thing. He stopped feeding in the middle of the night from about 10 weeks and started waking again a few months ago. I have no idea why. I think it's now habit but I can't seem to break it. I have tried to let him cry but it doesn't work and we just lose more sleep.

I shall try the bottle of water tonight. I am trying to do my best and do this right thing but also trying to cope at the same time. I work FT as does my DH and this is really getting me down and I am getting quite depressed about it. It all feels a bit too much at the moment, which is probably not helping the situation.

Thanks

Oh darling! There are plenty of things to be embarrassed about in life but giving milk to a baby at night is not really one of them. You are massively overthinking this and my best advice to you would be to relax and stop worrying.

Does he need the milk? Perhaps not. But perhaps he's genuinely hungry and thirsty? Plenty of adults drink lots through the night - my DH included. You wouldn't dream of telling an adult they couldn't have a drink if they wanted one - why on earth would you do that to a baby.

My DD who's 20 months drinks through the night and I wouldn't dream of being worried about it. She just helps herself to a drink that I keep by her bed.

If you are genuinely feeling depressed about this, would you benefit from a course of anti-depressants? I really think you need to relinquish the control a little bit. Whether your DS has a drink or not at night really does not matter.

My dc had milk throuh the night till they were about 2!
If its between 5 and 6 its breakfast anyway, can you work on pushing it more consistently to that end?
Other than that, don't stress. He will soon be of an age where you can reason with him, if he wants milk at 3, fine, but then he has to get up and brush teeth again.

Seriously! Babies have bad sleep at about 18 months (well apart from mine, where 'bad' sleep cannotbe distinguisheed from good sleep anyway!) It's no reflection kn your parenting!

emmy, don't be embarrassed! It sounds like your DS sleeps really well otherwise (). I think if it works for you, then carry on, and don't feel obliged to justify yourself to anyone else. If you'd like to stop, then decide on a plan and stick to it. We night weaned DS by cutting down minutes of milk (BF) at night - it took a few days but really worked. I can provide more info if you'd like.

The teeth thing is difficult. We've had some success by letting DS clean our teeth while we clean his. Recently, I've put him on his back on the sofa and cleaned his teeth, while distracting him with a toy. At his most refusing, we wrapped him in a towel - he cried, we cleaned. Good luck.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.... if you're happy to wake up and give him milk than so be it!

However, if you wanted to try and reduce his need for it then I'd suggest waking him a bit earlier after his long nap in the daytime - it's a long time ago for me but I think dd was sleeping about an hour 10.30am ish then she'd have more energy in the afternoon and was shattered by bed time!! This led to her sleeping through quite early on I believe - unless perhaps I was just lucky!! Who knows.. 2-3 hour nap at midday does sound like quite a long time to me though, just an observation. :)

Agree with everyone, and particularly with loony. Waking in the night can start because of too much/too little sleep in the day, and the most obvious solution to settle them back to sleep is a bottle of milk/breast feed. This is often how the habit starts. The fact he's not fussed about breakfast means he's not feeding in the night from hunger.

I would cut down the nap a bit (at 18 months my DD was on 1.5 hours max) and see if this helps. You may find he starts sleeping through by himself and you don't have to go through any horrid sleep training.

But most importantly, do not feel bad! I know it's easy for us to say that, but it's true! You are doing a great job and 18 months is not the easiest of ages!! x