Intro a dummy at 9 months? Wwyd?

[Tertius]

Have a breastfeeding 9 month old who I try to not quite feed to sleep but who doesn't self soothe, basically u feed her or rock her and I just can't bear the crying at all. So tired after 9 months of it and have a 3 year old so v little rest.

I know I could do cc and night weaning but I also know she will get ill and I will slide back into old habits of comforting her to sleep. Experience tells me this! Then I will have to sleep train again....

She will take a dummy (she borrowed another baby's and loved it) and has a soft rabbit and I just wonder if I should let her have the dummy for sleep? I have not been down this route as I did this with my son and really regretted it - he started to wake all night for it so I took it away. However, it didn't solve his sleep. And I find myself in the same position with her - comforting her all night as I comfort her to sleep. I am also wondering about how I will comfort her when I stop breastfeeding at 12 months as she doesn't love a bottle or milk, unlike her older brother. And i know how helpful a comforting bottle of milk is for a toddler.....

Would I be v unwise to give her a dummy now? Or could it help her need me to comfort less? Surely she could find it in the night at this age?

Wwyd????

It's certainly not unusual for 9mos to still be feeding at night at this point - while she still needs the food night-weaning might be a lot of pain for practically no gain.

If you go the dummy route you could scatter several into the cot with her, or tie them to a muslin with a big knot in it so it's easier to find at night. I must admit, though, I personally wouldn't introduce a dummy at this point while you're still feeding (another three months is a long time, after all, and your DD will probably be very different from your DS) - as you say they don't solve sleep. However you have to do what works for you both. My inclination would be to carry on as you have been for a month or two and see where you are then.

The no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth pantly might be up your street. Might find some tips in there to get past this stage if you want to try to do with as litle crying as you can manage, without dummies? I don't think from memory she's pro dummies...

Thank you both. Think it probably not worth starting with them but I am so tempted - the easy naps and bedtime.... And sending someone else in with the dummy at night... I am a bit too tired now because I never get to catch up. Last night I was woken up 8 times and had to get up 8 times ( between my son and daughter).

I must commit to the no cry sleep solution and do something about it all.

I am really caught between a rock and a hard place - want to do attachment style parenting (comfort and not have any crying) but can't co sleep as my DH smokes and our bed is too small..... Our room too small for her cot too. It is all getting to me now as it's been so long since I had enough rest.

Hugs to you, it sounds knackering. Listen I am not anti dummy in any way, but I did always try to limit our use of it to sleep as opposed to the shove in gob every waking or sleeping moment approach. I used to settle off DS with it, then gently remove when fully asleep... Then use in night in same way if waking up
You do know best, it might be that a dummy with a book or approach in tune with your parenting style is just the ticket.
We did lose the dummy thanks to the dummy fairy (complete with tiny note in tiny envelope in the morning with a little wrapped car to say thank you for the dummy ) before DS was two - by that time he only had it for bedtime settling, I removed it from sleeping gob around 1/2 hour after he nod off.
I only mention this as a possible reassurance....

Why not try co-sleeping on the bad nights and DH sleeps in the spare room (and goes in to your DS when he wakes)?

Although we have just got rid of the dummy (9 month old) as it was the reason he was waking, it maybe the step you need/want...we only used it in the cot rather than daytime, but a reliance to go to sleep with it was there, but if you would rather that then feed, that may be a good step for you...or you could get to 12 months and then night wean or night wean gently now....if it's the night feeds that are getting you down, cut them back, if it's sleep in general but feeding is getting you all more sleep then I'd carry on night feeding, but if you want the whole picture to change then; You could try no feeds between say midnight and 5 and see how that goes...have a look at other things, like does she need to suck cause she has tummy ache? Is she waking looking genuinely hungry or is it just your first reaction (nothing wrong with that just asking) is she taking solids well? Does she wake for her morning feed hungry? If not this is a sign to cut back at night...

Tiredness is awful, having been up since 5 with my number 2 as not to wake the toddler I completely understand, but a solution anyone offers is really personal, (which is not much help) but try and decide a route for you, co-sleeping, feeding, dummy that gets you all more sleep, it takes 3 days/nights for something to change so give it a fair shot and if you go back to feeding or whatever after an hour or day, it does nt matter, you can try again in a weeks...

And don't worry about your dd having no attachment to the bottle or cuddly, that's fine, you are her attachment, not all children need a cot association....

Why are you dealing with both DCs at night?

9 months is pants for poor sleep. We had a foam fold out bed in DS's room so we could stay in with him. Easier to deal with wake ups. Can you do that?

Thanks so much for your kind replies. Was v tired.. And still but better night and although I rocked her back to sleep at ten, she only fed at one and four, but rocked again at six. And my son didn't wake.

Think it's a good option for me to sleep on her floor. Unfortunately we don't haves spares room. Which would help. And my DH does deal with my son if he hears him! But I sleep lightly now.

I was so tempted by the dummy but I think I should just hang in there and when the baby is over her cold teach her some self settling... My heart sinks at that thought!

My DH did try to settle her at ten but she just cried for me and a swift cuddle and rock and she was off.......

She didn't want a morning feed today so I think the 4am one wasn't necessary.