away on a work trip and ds missing me

[Notoutorabout]

First post, I hope someone out there has some advice...please be kind.

I have a job which means I work from home most of the time. But sometimes (once every few weeks) I have to travel. Trips range from 1 day to a week away.

We have DS aged 4.5, DD aged 6. DH, grandparents and relatives care for them while I am away (DH also works from home). Very stable environment for them. But I am always absolutely wracked with guilt.

I've just skyped home from the first trip in a while. DS sobbing, saying he was missing me, and begging me to come home. But I have to be away for 6 more days. I am now a sobbing mess in a hotel room in the middle east, desperately trying to get it together before a business dinner.

I cannot give up work, mine is the only stable income for the family. Plus I trained for literally years. Does anyone else have this? How do you cope? thankyou.

So sorry for you. It is just hard. You have to remember all the good things your job provides for the family, and if you work from home you see your DCs more than most working mums. I feel like a little piece of me dies every time I step on a plane without my family, but then, well, I just get on with it. Usually have a good time with the colleagues I'm visiting.

Worst one ever was when my DS (then about 3) refused to have anything to do with me when I got back.

Don't know whether this might help, but we always left a small gift together with a note for the children, to open either at night or first thing in the morning if we were away. Just a notebook, crayon - nothing extravagent!

I wonder if Skype is helpful - maybe your DS wouldn't be quite so aware of your absence, if he couldn't see you?

I've had to travel for business since DS was a baby. Longest time away was 2 weeks but it's usually just a few days every other month. He stays with grandparents or they stay at our house if it's a school week. No partner or husband in the picture. The way that's always worked for us is to have a big calendar with the days marked on it so that it's really clear exactly when I'm going and when I'm coming back. I call while I'm away and we have a chat about his day. Now he's older we even e-mail and text. We never say 'I miss you' because I think that could trigger the flood-gates but we always sign off with 'I love you'.

He understands that I have to work and, whilst he'd rather I stayed home, he's always been OK about it and knows he comes first if push comes to shove. I've just declined a meeting invitation that clashed with his birthday this month and he was made up.

thankyou ladies for such kind and quick responses. Yes the 'do I call' is always a dilemma, sometimes it seems to make things worse. And my job definitely provides a lot for the family and the dcs, I just need to get over the crushing guilt somehow. And stop weeping.
I'll try the gift idea next timem thanks for that, it's a lovely idea. Am in the bathroom desperately trying to cover up ravages of guilt / grief before trying to appear a normal person at client dinner...

I hope you have a good evening - just think how your work benefits your DC.

Re. the presents - we really didn't go overboard, and it was more the note that was important - 'hope swimming was good today', 'don't forget to do your spellings' etc., so that they knew we were still thinking about them. My DC are now 19 and 20, and were only talking last weekend about how much they loved us going away, so that they got presents each day!!!

Of course he misses you. Of course he is feeling sad you are not there. But it won't actually hurt him, or do him any harm. Honestly - you are feeling much worse about it than him - he has probably recovered and is on to playing with something else already.

You do what you need to do.

I don't know if this is any help at all but my DP works away every week from Sunday/Monday to Friday if he has had some time off or holidays etc my son always starts crying when DP is leaving making DP feel terrible but he's always absolutely fine 5 minutes later, I think they just like to make us feel bad

thanks so much for the reassurance ladies, it got me through dinner without crying. So helpful to know I'm not the only one...and will try all those suggestions next time to see if it makes things easier. I am stuck with it, pretty much, so as you say, I just have get on with it. Appreciate all your thoughts.