6 yr old attitude!!

[peppajay]

My DD is almost 6 and her attitude and the way she speaks to me and her dad is shocking. She copies phrases her teacher uses like 'I need you to apologize now " and she says it with a real cross teacher tone. Everytime you ask her to do something the answer is no she constantly whinges and moans and is always in competition with her brother, she gets really angry because he is such a well behaved compliant boy he rarely gets told off and I am sure this is why she gets cross because she feels she isn't as liked as he is!!!

Rewind 30 yrs and this is exactly what it was like in my house I was the naughty troublemaker and my brother was a really good boy and I always felt unloved because my bro was so good he never got my parents wound up like I did. I always said I would treat my children fairly so that one didnt resent the other but you can you treat a child who is constantly shouting, whinging and generally being rude the same as a well behaved compliant child???

I try so hard with her giving her one to one time with me to choose what she wants to do but if we play a game she goes mad if she loses, when we do her reading together she wont let me correct her!! Star charts and taking away privileges don't really work as she has nothing she is attached to!!! She is always moody and always says we like her brother more than her and why does he always get a treat after tea, or allowed his tv prog and she isnt but it is because she misbehaves and he doesn't. Her behaviour is just wearing us down and I am now trying to ignore her whinging and snide remarks and giving her treats after tea but now she just thinks she has won.

Any advice from anyone in the same situation would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks x

You deal with it by telling her it's unacceptable. If she wants to interpret your annoyance at bad behaviour as favouritism, that's rather her problem not yours. If you tolerate the bad behaviour, however, she will still think you don't like her as much as her brother and will ramp it up until she gets you to confirm her beliefs. As it's a no-win situation, come down on her very hard indeed.

Make sure you notice and praise the positive behaviour - when she is behaving well. Give her positive attention and help her learn that this will get her her treats.

I get loads of attitude off my 6yo dd. I have to be on top of it all the time. I don't know if this is the best way, but I do a sticker chart to reward good behaviour, and have zero tolerance for actual rudeness. If she cheeks me then I will (USUALLY calmly and firmly) insist that she apologises.

Her behaviour isn't awful awful. She is very far from being out of control. it's more that she is constantly just testing out the boundaries, working out what authority means and how she can subvert it. it is very tedious and tiring.

My only consolation is that she behaves impeccably at school and in other people's houses. But I still find it all a bit bemusing: I'm sure I wasn't like that at her age.

Am watching this with interest as am having a tough time with my 7 yo DS. I've handled it really badly this morning by shouting at him but I've had enough of every single one of my "requests" being met with attitude or being ignored.

Asking him to have a bath, find his coat, put his shoes on, brush his teeth, go to bed etc is never met with a simple "yes mummy". Each individual event isn't terrible but the drip drip drip of his refusals / challenges to the simplest requests have worn me out. I have told him he'll be asked 3 times and that's it. If he doesn't do it that night he'll go straight to bed after supper.

My problem is I get really wound up by it - and don't always stay calm and can feel myself getting into battle mode which just makes it worse. How do you stay calm? I am finding it completely draining and start dreading the forthcoming battle. Maybe it's because I'm 10 weeks pg and feeling lousy....but knowing it seems to be a common thing at this age helps too....

Thanks for your replies.

Devora - like your DD my DD is brilliant at school and at other peoples houses, I always get compliments about how polite she is. Just seems to be at home and like you - Queen of macaroni cheese - I find it so hard to stay calm.

Was having a conversation with a couple of mums at school gates today and everyones child seems to be going thru this at the moment so maybe it is an age and stage thing and when I hear things about other children it makes me think she isn't that bad but when you are dealing with it day in and day out it just wears you down!!!!