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[justhayley]

Hiya my DS is 19 days and Im getting really upset as I dont think my DP has bonded with him yet he's in the army & wasn't around much during the pregnancy, but every time he came home he would talk to my bump kiss it etc, & seemed quite excited to meet our little man.
He was at the birth and for the first week was happy spending time holding kissing & looking at him.
However the last week has been pretty rough. Baby has been suffering with Colic so there's been lots of tears and not much sleep. DS has been really clingy he crys if he's not with me & won't settle on DP at all.
Last night DP tried to settle DS and after a few minutes lost his patients and swore at DS. I was so upset & of course took DS off him. He apologised this morning & said that he's just struggling.
He's due to go back to the Army & won't be around for 2/3 weeks from Sunday. I don't feel DP & DS have bonded & it's really upsetting.
I'm not sure if DS won't settle with DP because he doesn't recognise his voice because he wasn't there everyday in pregnancy.

Has anyone got any tips on helping DS and DP bond?

X

Congratulations.

These things will take time, so try and live in the moment and enjoy your baby.

Get your DH to take his to off, have baby just in a nappy, skin to skin cuddles just after DS is fed and all happy and contented. Encourage DH to sing to the baby. Make CD recordings of him singing, reading simple stories that you can play when he is away.

For a colicy baby have you got a good sling? I really rate the MOBY wrap sling.

Don't worry about it, there is plenty of time for them to bond - you'll find that it gets a lot easier as ds gets older and more responsive. My dd was like this and it was hard for me and dp in different ways - me because I just longed for a break sometimes, and dp because he felt rejected and useless. If ds only settles for you, then keep doing it yourself just now and let dp know other ways he can help - making you drinks, looking after you etc., perhaps taking ds out in the pram if you need a break, and let him enjoy ds in those rare windows when ds is relatively happy... Is your dp feeling stressed about going away and leaving you to cope on your own? Tell your dp (and yourself) that the bond will come, that before he knows it ds will be playing and giggling and enjoying his dad's company. He's a tiny baby and programmed to think that his survival depends on you and you alone right now, it's completely normal and has nothing to do with how much dp has been around during pregnancy.

Hope you have someone else for company/to help while dp's away, the early weeks with a baby are soooo hard. In only a few weeks your ds will be smiling and interacting that much more and believe me that makes such a difference.