Half Siblings 10YOBoy+14YO Girl sharing a bedroom???

[HKnight]

Hi, my husband and I are concerned about his 10YO son (my SS) who shares a bedroom with his 14YO half sister at his ex-wife's. Its a 3 bed house with eldest half brother in his own room. He is 17YO with autism and tourettes and SS does not want to share with his brother. My husband doesn't think eldest is capable of living alone at 18 due to his special needs, and probably not fair to make him? We have a 2 bed home but our baby is due in July, and SS can't move in with us unless we got bigger house. My husband's ex-wife doesn't think there is a problem but SS hates it, I doubt his sister enjoys it either.

Are we over-reacting? Are we right to be worried? Our SS only sees us every other weekend (his mother's decision) and we live other side of London to him. We are concerned for when SS reaches puberty.

Thanks.

My two are OK sharing on holidays (DD nearly 13, DS 11) - they leave the room when the other is changing, but would hate to share full-time.

Mind you, they'd probably hate to share even if they were the same sex

I think that this is an even more complicated situation, though. Maybe just about OK ATM, but as you say, when your SDS hits puberty..... But maybe the D will have moved out by then?

whilst it is not ideal, there does not seem to be another way around it really.

Suppose that you have to think of the times when plenty of people had to share rooms, and they were all ages. It was not a problem then, everyone just got on with it.

I don't really understand what it is you're worried about. But yes, I can see in terms of privacy and personal space etc it can't be much fun for either of them.

But what's the solution? The Ex-W gets a bigger house? Is that likely/doable?

My husband worried about when SS starts puberty, and sharing a room with a teenage sister. Or having to share with his adult brother with autism. My SS is not happy. My husband thinks we might have to consider looking after SS full-time, we could move to bigger home at a stretch. I just forsee a massive custody battle... I just wonder if hubbie is over-reacting?

sorry forgot to add ex-W not likely to be able to get bigger home.

Could you all (or your DH and his ex and the 3 children) sit down and have a chat about it - so that all the children can say how they feel and then work out a way of solving the problem as best possible? Or is the ex-relationship still too acrimonious?

Hi bigTillyMint, I like your suggestion. Their relationship is a acrimonious, unfortunately. Maybe they should try that approach first?

It's not ideal but frankly what can SS's mum do about it? Bringing SS to live with you (after what you said would be a massive custody battle) would not be in anyone's interest unless SS wants to live with you. Has he ever said so?

I'd have thought the disruption of changing homes, schools, main carers and friends after your parents have waged a court battle and spent thousands on legal costs would far outweigh the damage done by sharing a bedroom with a sister.

Yes SS has said he wanted to live with us, but at 10 is that old enough to know for sure? I agree massive upheaval to the family and cost, and with a baby in the mix, nightmare. But if SS really wanted to when he got older I guess it's something we'll have to think about. Would rather sort it out amicably, with DH's ex-wife.

I think it's time for them to try to put aside their personal differences and talk with their DC about what is best for them. Though I know that may be easier said than done. Would there be anyone who could "manage" the meeting so that it didn't degenerate into a bickering (or worse!) fest?