Anyone still stay with their older DC at bedtiem till they sleep? Want to break habit

[tiredmumma]

my DS is now just turned 7 and although it's nice that we have a lilttle chat and he doesnt take that long I want to break the habit of lying with him till he goes to sleep

any ideas how when I tell him he needs to do this he gets very upset and says he doesnt like being upstairs on his own (only child) and want me to stay till he goes to sleep

Do gradual withdrawal with him. Start sitting by the door instead of by his bed and over the next few weeks graduate to the top of the stairs, bottom of the stairs, within shouting distance. It wouldn't hurt for him to have a radio or story tape on so he doesn't feel lonely.

thank you ML

I thought at 7 I could just go straight downstairs and miss out the gradual withdrawal - anyone else advise what they did or do for an older child

Mine are 4 and 2 and I lie with them until they fall asleep still. I should imagine at 7 that you could bribe him to stay in his room? Does he have a nightlight? Have you asked him what he is scared of?

Trying this with DS 4.5, first 2 nights were fine, last night he came downstairs and then resisted a bit, asking me to stay.
Tonight just had the biggest screaming fit ever, kicking his feet, crying, screaming.
Im sat in next bedroom.
Told him im not coming in until he's stopped crying.
Gone quiet
I thought just talking about him being a big boy and going to sleep all by himself would be ok, obviously not.
I would think a 7 year old would understand though?

I have a nite time routine that includes telling each other about the day, reading a book and a cuddle
I tell dc that I'll check on them when adverts are on
Leave them with a cd playing
I check on them after 10 mins
90 percent of time they are a sleep
10 percent of time another cuddle is required
Dc are 7,5and 3

Just lie with him to read a story, switch off light and tell him to roll over and go to sleep and that you'll check on him in 5 minutes. If he knows you'll come back he might relax enough to go to sleep. If he knows you are going to leave any minute he might try his hardest to stay awake.

I do this with my 4 yr old and she sometimes says "check me in 3 minutes". I leave and in a couple of minutes all is quiet.

mine is only child, and I stay in the room with him till he goes to bed. Hubs lies with him when he does this. I sit with him. However it only takes a minute so I don't see it as a problem for us. Our bedtime routine is to have a little chat, read from his book (at the moment it is two pages of a rather large encyclopedia of bugs) then lights out, and sleep.

At that age I would read him a story and then say he can read for half an hour on his own and then turn the light off. Make sure he has a clock. I would point out that he is now older and goes to bed later and you want free time to do your own thing.

I agree with Gilberte's idea of 'checking in five minutes'. Being a cub-leader I often get one or two that 'can't sleep' on camping trips and get upset. I've found that telling them to lie quietly, shut their eyes and, if they're not OK in 10 minutes when I come back, we'll call Mum and Dad usually ends up in them being fast asleep well before the 10 mins is up.

thankyou all for your advice.

Gate Gipsy - mine also is an only so the thought of him being upstairs on his own I think scares him - he does nothing on his own always with one of us.

Im going to tackle this in the school hols I think...am mentioning it to him now to set the seed

also break the cycle now if you can with your 4yr olds thats how it all started with me - now 3 years on :)

I have an only who is nearly 9 and although we never had to lie withhim to get him to school he is a boy who worries about EVERYTHING!

We have a complex mix of familiar routine, night light and regular checks so its now 15 minutes...

I used to have to stay up stairs - so could you perhaps have a bath so he knows you are upstairs and he can hear you - my ds always likes it if i do this as he says he doesnt feel so aloooooone.....