really grumpy 4 year old

[laughingnancy]

Can anyone help. My DS is very grumpy all the time. He is cross when anyone speaks to him at the moment, and if he gets even mildly reprimanded he shouts and screams and says it is all my fault. He argues and argues and then gets extremely upset that he feels he is being told off all the time. I am stuck as to how to come up with consequences when he is rude to other adults / children. We have a naughty toy shelf but we haven't needed to use it since he was 3. I am really not sure what to do as its got to the point where I am on such a short fuse with him as he insults me all the time. Help....

I'd first check if anything has changed in his life that is upsetting him. Anxious about starting school? That kind of thing. Second I'd have a look at his sleeping patterns. Tiredness IME turns nice normal children into horrible monsters and if they don't get their full 10 hours or whatever, they're miserable. Diet is another thing you can check... poor nutrition can result in flagging energy which, in turn, means behavioural issues. Is he bored? Does he lack things to do? If none of the above apply and he's just trying the boundaries, set the boundaries. Reward the behaviour you want and have consequences for the rest. Insults and tantrums are not acceptable, of course... tell him so, remove him immediately from any attention or fun (another room for example), and don't let him back until he apologises. Good luck

Thanks so much for your help. I'll check if its anything else. What do you do when he does it with other people? Same thing? He gets massively embarrassed when he is reprimanded in public, even gently, or maybe that's a good thing.

Boys get a big surge of testosterone at age 4 (ish)
Mine both went through a horrible patch. They do come out of the other side... just grin & bear it if you can. It's got to be like small boy PMT!

(We are going through another hormone surge with DS1 who is 8... you'll have this to look forward to... heaven help me when he turns teenager!)

"What do you do when he does it with other people?"

I go for 'expectation setting'. Before the visit/party/playdate I used to lay it on the line that I expect good behaviour, know he's capable of good behaviour and, if he acts up, we will be leaving immediately or some other dire consequence. It's good if he gets embarrassed in front of others because you can convert that expectation to a well-aimed 'look' and it should keep him in check. Or you carry through your threat, of course.

My husbands been at dad's day at school today and confirmed he is extremely shy and reserved at school (the teacher said this too) - maybe its frustration at not being able to be himself during the day? What can I do about shyness? Anything, or is that just who my little fella is?

Keep the two issues separate rather than trying to make the one excuse the other. On the shyness issue... IMHO it's the teacher's responsibility to include all the children in classroom activities and bring out the shyer ones, encouraging them to contribute.