How much 'slack' should I give my poorly toddler...

[Maccapaccawacca]

DS is 16 months. Has ongoing ear problems - glue ear, fluctuating degrees of hearing loss and recurrent ear infections. Currently awaiting 2nd ENT review prior to surgery (appointment is a fortnight away)

This week he's had ear infections both sides and has burst his ear dum, affecting his balance. Been quite unwell.

Anyway, he's much perkier over the past few days, eating & sleeping better etc. The question is this......his behaviour over the past few months is getting worse and worse. Mainly tantrums (throwing self onto floor, trembling with the rage, screaming, hitting) over things he wants that he can't have....normally biscuits, things he could kill himself with (boiling water, knives etc etc)

I am wondering how much slack I should give him because of his ear problems? I feel so sorry for him, and wonder all the time if he's in constant pain, but, in the same breath don't want him to have everything his own way and eat 50 biscuits a day

I really appreciate that it must be an awful thing not to hear properly, when life is already frustrating enough but i'm just not sure what to do for the best? There are some days when i think his ears have been fine, and he plays up so I don't know if i'm being too leniant.

AGH

shameless bump

No advice, sorry, but thought I would bump in the hope someone with some experience of similar will come along.

well i wouldnt be letting him eat 50 biscuits a day! lol, mine would love to as well, my dd is also 16mths and at this age i think the tantrums and frustration are normal regardless of being ill tbh. they are learning about the world but if your ds is anything like my dd he cant talk all that much? so a tantrum is their communication!

basically at this age its distraction distraction, distraction and keep things as toddler friendly as you can, so anything dangerous etc out the way.

its hard work, but its a phase that passes!

i would be offering lots of cuddles tbh, he sounds like he needs them and when tantruming i pick dd up and go somehwere else, find something else to look at and talk to her calmly etc, they are too little for time out or to just ignore, so you need to reassure them, they are not in control of their emotions and it may well frighten him as well, you arent giving in to him by comforting hima nd distracting him :)

save NO for when you really need it and encourage his good behaviour with lots of positive praise :)

I agree with 5madthings. My DS is also 16 months, throws trantrums on the floor because he can't have another biscuit, hits out when he doesn't get his own way etc. he doesn't have any medical issues. That's what toddlers do.
I wouldn't be anymore accepting of this behaviour if he was ill. I don't have much to add to what has been suggested for dealing with the tantrums etc. distraction is my first weapon of choice. Though, I do sometimes let him just tantrum for a bit if he's very worked up and in a safe place as i think It's emotion that he just needs to express.

TBH, while I try extra hard to be Lovely Nice Mummy when DD is poorly, I still don't give in to screaming, rage etc. if I wouldn't when she's well. There's a lot going on with them at this sort of age - trying to assert independence and learn to make their own decisions, big new emotions that they don't really know what to do with, and also a lot of testing to find out where the boundaries really are. It must be worse for them when they feel rubbish, but that doesn't mean they can tantrum their way to things they normally wouldn't be allowed. We'll have lots of snuggles and I'll probably offer special treats, extra TV time etc., but it's still my call IYSWIM.

On occasions when I have finally given in after much screeching from DD, she's often not terribly interested in what she was shouting for. She was just testing me to see what I'd do, and I think she feels safer and happier overall if the boundaries stay pretty much in the same place.

Your poor DS, and poor you, it must be so hard, I hope surgery will help. I agree with the others, while he needs lots of understanding and patience, it wouldn't be in his best interest to get away with anything because of his health problems. He needs to learn to deal with frustration and how to cope with his feelings, I don't think you giving in and leeting him eat biscuits all day would help. You sound like a very caring mother, I think the most important thing is for him to know you are there for him (i.e he is not punished for feeling frustrated), but he cannot have everything he wants.

Thank you all, thank you, thank you

5mad - No he can't talk at all, but he also can't hear much so it's difficult to pick it up. I think his frustration is magnified because of that.

He's been much improved with his behaviour over the past 2 days so I think his ears must have still been troubling him. He's back to a normal level of tantrums now rather than every 10 mins.

Counting down days until this hopefully gets fixed...