8 year old driving me insane with "I don't know"!

[irishkitkat]

My 8 year old DSS (resident with DH and I has good contact with his DM) is slowly but surely driving me insane with his constant refrain of "I don't know". No matter how simple or complex the question is, his first and automatic reply is "I don't know". Example - me:"how did you get on a school today?" him "I don't know". Normally I just let it go but if he's being bold i.e. fighting with his little brothers or not doing as he's told and I try and find out what's gone on he will literally stand for the whole time I'm trying to speak to him saying "I don't know", he doesn't know what has happened or what he did or why he did it! Please tell me this is normal and passing phase and that (hopefully) sooner rather than later we may be able to have a normal conversation again!!!!

My dd is 6 and "i don't know" is her default answer for everything.

I will pick her up today and say "what did you do today" and she will say "i don't know"

I always follow up with "well if you don't know what you did today i don't know if i will buy you a sweet/let you watch t.v/let you build a tent ect ect"

She knows exactly what she did then and tells me all.

Are you very strong willed yourself?
I was like that as a kid and mostly it is because no matter what I would say or think it will be different that what my mum (or stepdad or dad) think and there will be no way to win an argument or even no way to have an open conversation.

He might also been treated like a very small kid and actually is thinking age can be much greater and can't really express himself accordingly.

Or he might just be bored. I also used it a lot just to get peace i.e "leave me be" and generally I really didn't mind (like what is for diner?) or didn't think before acting just reacting to my brother or got distracted.

And lastly, I didn't want to answer and if I had said "FO" even politely I would have been punished....

Most children say "nothing, I don't know or I don't remember" when you ask them "what did you do at school today?", IME.

Ask less questions and try to keep him engaged and interested instead. Punish any bad behaviour without asking any question either. You don't have to know why he hits his siblings (example) just take action.

Thanks for the replies!

Definitely some food for thought, i have to say with regards to not asking why he has done something, that has stemmed from a real desire on my part not to be the "wicked stepmother". My DS will automatically tell me his version of events and i would rather get both his and my DSS versions before I make a decision on what action to take so that it is fair to both boys.

About the school, I do normally just let it pass but there was a period where DSS was bringing his homework out and swearing that he didn't know how to do it and that he couldn't remember ever learning anything about it. It got to the point that DH went to speak to his teacher, who was able to show him pages of very well completed work that DSS had done in class. DSS got a very stern talking to at that time because we (DH and I) felt that he had crossed over to just telling outright lies!

Also I know what you're saying regarding asking less questions but I am genuinely interested in his life, I would like to know what's going on in it and how he's getting on but maybe my expectations are to high for conversation from an 8 year old?

Thanks again!

You have to let him come to you, though.
My 7 yo DD is not really answering directly but will come and talk. You can try to talk about your day and see if he wants to join. Or tell him you have seen/heard something that you think he will be interested in...
Punish both for the fighting my mum used to say I don't care who started it you were both fighting.

DSD is 10 and this is still her default rofl