How can I help my DD (5) get less stressed when she needs to make a decision?

[EustaciaVye]

We are having huge upsets when she needs to decide, for example,

• what cereal to have in the morning?
• whether to eat half her easter egg or the tube of smarties that came with it?
• whether to wear a nightdress or pyjamas

She knows she wants to choose (ie, mummy not to decide) but she agonises over which is right and gets very upset at her own inability to be decisive. This leads to stress for her and stress for me as I get cross when she procrastinates so much, but wont let me help.

Any tips?

give her a choice of two. Make one of those things something she definitely likes, and one of those things something she definitely won't want to choose.

Ds2 (6) is like this, he will stand for ten minutes getting more and more cross with himself because he doesn't know whether to have honey nut cornflakes or cheerios. Now I offer him eg Cheerios or raw broccili

Just dont give her the choice,make it for her....I think at about 5 they start to think of consequences etc etc if she says oh but mummy id rather have had weetabix worn the blue socks etc etc say to her,thats for tomorrow.

If her making a decision is important to you perhaps let her think things over for example 'on friday you can choose dinner shall we have pizza or spaghetti'....once shes confident in her own ability to choose succesfully there will be no stopping her.

I would give her 1-3 minute(s) to choose or you will choose for her. I know it sounds harsh but she will eventually not like Your choice so will make decisions quicker in the future. I have 4 dcs the eldest being 15 and I will always ask them what they want for breakfast/whatever but they also know I will not stand about while they faff on so if they dont decide quick they get what they are given.

Colditz - good plan. broccoli would be a definite no for breakfast :)

nickseasterchick - if she would accept me making the decision without a strop then i would do so. she is pushing all sorts of boundaries at the moment but this whole decision thing seems to be important to 'her' and so i want to make it easier for her.

AngelWreakinHavoc - I've tried giving a time limit or I'll decide and she just has a complete paddy, which then leads to me putting her somewhere to calm down, loads of tears then me defusing the situation with a cuddle and then we decide together. It is becoming a bit of a cycle and I want to stop it asap before I lose my sanity

Oh dear sorry ....still things will get easier ......then she will become a teen and it will all start again .

@ nickseasterchick. I have that behaviour already with my 8 year old!!

Is she worried about making the wrong decision? Perhaps there's a way you could show that either result will be great, just different? And could suggest that she could do one today and the other tomorrow if she really can't decide?

She'll get the hang of it. I was awful with decisions right up until I left home - wrong decision would result in physical abuse. Now I'm renowned for instant snap decision-making. Up sticks and move to another country? Decided yes in less than 5 minutes.

Agree with colditz - offer closed choices. Ham or cheese on your sandwich? Blue shirt or red shirt? Teachers do this all the time - it's a good way for them to exercise choice within a safe environment.

Work a treat when my DH is faffing, as well

Thanks Janoschi
Yes, she does worry that she is making the wrong choice. Although we have tried saying wear a nightdress tonight and the pyjamas tomorrow, for example. It just seems to make it all worse...

HeyMicky - we do offer closed choices but the problem is that she likes both and struggles with the process.

We will try colditz suggestion of a good / bad choice.