First timer nerves...

[LateToTheAprilParty]

My little boy is 3 weeks tomorrow and so far we haven't really been out except when DH is around. Is it normal to feel this nervous aboutgoing out and meeting people? I don't really know any other mums in the area, and none of my friends have kids. the health visitor recommended going to a breastfeeding clinic and postnatal group to meet other mums. I can see that's a good idea but i'm just nervous. Today i was rushing to getto the breatfeeding clinic, baby wasscreaming and i was struggling to work out the car seat, and isuddenly thought, what on earth am i doing? The poor baby just wants to sleep, and we actually don't need anyhelp with breastfeeding. I'm sure there are loads of nice mums there but it just seems far too much hassle at the moment.
I know it'll get easier the more i do, and i have to push myself to get out and meet people, but i just don't know how to go about it. There'sa postnatal club tomorrow, but i have no idea what a postnatal club is, let alone whether i wnat to go to one. Are you really just meant to bounce into a room and say "i've got a baby and so have you! Let's be friends!", cos i'm just notsure i work that way. I know it sunds pathetic but if i'm beinghonest, i don't want to make any new mummy friends, i just want my husband to come home!
Am i expecting to be doing too much too soon, or do i just need to pull myself together and get on with it?

No need to rush. We started, I think, with more gentle outings like a trip down to the local shops with DS in the pram. Lets all the local old duck coo over the baby and you can bask in reflected adoration! I did go to a postnatal group and it was good to have something timetabled to get ready 'for' once a week rather than aimlessly slobbing about in PJs 24/7. In our case it was an HV-led session and we talked about things like vaccinations, bathing, ailments... it's all a bit of a blur tbh. Mind you, no matter how badly I thought my morning was going, I'd always arrive at the group sessions and someone else would turn up late looking far more stressed than me. That is also good to find out :)

"I know it sunds pathetic but if i'm beinghonest, i don't want to make any new mummy friends, i just want my husband to come home!"

I'd worry about being that clingy tbh. Your DH could get worried about you. Wouldn't it be better to spend an hour with other people and then be able to tell your DH, when he gets home, what a fun day out you had? You don't have to be bosom buddies but... a bit like MN... it's fun to find out how the babies compare, swap tips, have a laugh about things that have gone pear-shaped.

I never went to any mother-and-baby groups and deeply resented those who told me I should. I felt no need to make new friends and was quite happy in the house with DD - I've got plenty of interests and had a great first few months watching Lovefilm, pottering about with my hobbies and reading. I was always glad to see DH in the evenings but it wasn't out of clinginess. Met up with a friend once in a coffee shop and it was so massively stressful for us and the babies that we never did it again. Groups are great for those who like society, but those who don't shouldn't feel pressured to 'go out and meet people'.

Do get out of the house for a walk, or a potter to a shop once a day, but don't feel like you need to go to places where there are other babies for organised Meeting People sessions. And three weeks is still tiny - this time together with your baby is so important that the best thing to do is what you want - not what you feel you should do.

I go to a mother and toddlers group once a week i thought it would be wierd talkin to strangers but you've got something in common with everyone. It usually starts off with what age is your baby whats his/her name then on to how does he/she sleep then after a few weeks you start to know the woman so feel relaxed. I enjoy it i would go mad without people to talk to who have been there (recently) but if you don't want to go don't

It's still very early days - I didn't get to any group things until DD was past 12 weeks although I did go out of the house a lot for drives and coffee shop trips with my dad, ( I am a single mum at age 40). I didn't think I would like the mummy set but had eat humble pie - really nice group and it gives me sanity to talk to others with experience and I do look forward to it - horses for courses. Don't feel the need to rush off you can always join in later on if you fancy.

I'm with Octavia. 11 months on and still not attended a single Mother / Baby group. I'm all for socialising but really, for some of us it's just not comfortable being forced to socialise at set times. Sometimes I feel like a chat and some company and sometimes I don't. There's no specific time involved.

Also I don't see the need at that age for baby socialisation. They can barely see and hear you, let alone anyone else! I'm now reassessing a little because our family is bilingual and I'd like DD to have some exposure to German, but it's been a year and I'm still trying to find an option that isn't a bloody baby group. Something more ad-hoc would be ideal.

If you can breastfeed then I'm not sure why you'd want to sit in a room full of people talking about cracked nipples. I also found I felt much more 'normal' after the birth because I wasn't hanging around with sleep-deprived new mothers. I was sleep deprived too but actively sought out lively people to get my energy level up!

And my God the COMPARING. I was in John Lewis last week having a cuppa with DD and the next few tables were taken up with a new mother group, all with 0-2 week old babies. The disguised bitching was awful. One queen bee mother and a lot of flustered mothers crowding around her. 'Isn't yours noisy?' at one poor tiny baby who woke up with a grizzle. 'You're using wetwipes already?' at another knackered mother dabbing vomit off her baby's chin. One came in late and sat down with a giggle and a 'Oooh, still hurts underneath, eh?'. The queen bee mother looked at her and said 'Oh, I'm fine. Odd that you're still sore'. The first mother looked a bit deflated. Wanted to say to her 'Hey, I'm 11 months in and still bloody sore!'. Just didn't seem a very supportive atmosphere, to be honest.

DS is 17wks and we're not bothering with the social with baby thing until he's old enough to care. Although my HV prattles on about clubs everytime I see her.
I know people who go baby sensory(?), swimming etc with young babies, but I don't 'get' it.
I do find that meeting a childless friend for coffee every now and again is great because they're keen to hold/feed/fuss over DS & I get a little break.

Are there any decent shops local to you? We go out almost everyday (not when it's proper pissing down), and DS either sleeps or gurns, it's nice to speak to other real people other than DH during the day.

Although, I'm the same as you. I can't wait for DH to come home so I can tell/show him all the new things DS is doing. Plus I can palm DS off on him & have a chill moment.

Janoschi! What a bunch of witches!

Childless friends are the best to meet for coffee, definitely! DD gets unlimited fussing and I get cake.

Museums are brilliant if you have any nearby. There's always something glittery or tactile in a museum for a young baby. I took DD to the V&A when she was 3 months and she was saucer-eyed at the bling on display. Same effect in the IKEA lighting department!

Yes Horse, they really were witches. I felt sad for the more wobbly members of the group. They'd obviously joined for support.

Agree with Janoschi - childless friends are great because sometimes you really do want to talk about something other than babies and not hanging round with other sleep deprived people can definitely make you feel more normal!

Wow Janoschi! My nasty streak hopes that queen bee gets a mad-colicky baby next time and can't sit down for months.

I was paranoid about becoming a hermit if I didn't get out of the house and felt under pressure to make "mummy friends" straight away- in retrospect I should have chilled out and hung out at home in my pj's more for at least the first two months - i was constantly hauling a screaming baby off to some group/ class

As long as you're not feeling down about it OP, then do what makes you happy!