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Scared of my own feelings - help.

4 replies

numb19 · 24/04/2012 11:13

Ok, please bear with me, this may be a bit rambling...

When DS was born (2yrs ago) it was love at first sight for me. He was my world, a complete precious first born. When I fell pg with dd (ds was 1yr when we found out) I couldn't imagine how I could love the 'new' baby as much as i loved ds.

As the preg progressed i began to bond with the bump, but still felt that ds was the centre of my world and would always remain my pfb.

On the night i went into labour i sobbed when i had to go into hospital - i didn't want to leave my baby boy.

Then it all changed.

DD was born and she looked exactly like her brother and once again i bonded immediately. However, since then I've felt like my emotions, especially towards ds, have numbed. I do love them, but feel less... passionate (for want of a better word)

I keep making myself look at baby photos of ds to try to spark the emotions i felt but its like a switch has turned off in my head.

I've tried to talk to dh, but hold back a bit as i don't want him to think i'm a terrible mother - i feel so guilty.

Why do i feel like this. It's not that i love dd more than ds, i just feel a bit numb towards both of them.

What can i do, please help. I'm terrified I'm never going to get those intense love feelings back - I'd give anything to look at ds and feel what i felt when i left him that night to go and give birth to dd. Sad

OP posts:
HeartsJandJ · 24/04/2012 11:44

You don't say how old your DD is now but I'm guessing she's still very young, so possibly you are still post-birth hormonal maybe PND-ish and generally completely up and down.

It doesn't make you a bad parent to be like this and it won't last forever.

I can understand not wanting to talk to your DH, it can be hard to admit these things and not know if someone else will completely understand the nuances of your emotions. So would it be worth speaking with your HV or one of the helplines for parents?

Klinda · 24/04/2012 12:05

I think what you describe is totally natural and those feelings will return in time but not in such an intense newborn way. I found each new baby (I have 3 dcs) produced intense love in me that for a little while put their siblings in the shade, but as time goes on things straighten out. I think it is just natures way of making sure you bond with the new baby.
Also I think some ages are a little more challenging than others, e.g. sometimes my 2yo drives me crazy and so it is then lovely to have a little cuddle with my 3mo who seems so simple in comparision!
Don't be too hard on yourself, hormones do strange things to mothers!

numb19 · 24/04/2012 12:15

Thank you both. Its reasssuring to hear it wont last forever. dd is 4mo and very cuddly and chilled out in comparison with her brother.

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HeartsJandJ · 24/04/2012 12:39

Ahh, 4 months old, lovely age!

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