How do I De-Princessify???

[Pepa]

After being very vocal about the crazy social/cultural expectations girls are supposed to conform to I have realised with utter dismay I have totally let my two girls down :( Pink and sparkly princess tat has invaded my house. Barbies litter every room and kids make-up and princess dresses are the 'toy' of choice.....At Christmas/Birthdays I have totally taken the easier path and bought the toy they were begging for (pink/sparkly shit) rather than try to expqand their horizons a little....I know mnay folks will say there's nothing wrong with sparkly pink tat but my 4yr old is already obsessed with her looks and with looking like a princess.... So oh wise Mumsnetters how do I fix this? I'm concerned that if I take all the pink/princess stuff to charity I am going to make it worse, because then it will be the desire for the thing you can't have.....if I do get rid of the SPT what do I replace it with??? :(

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs - on my blackberry and having challenges

First, don't worry too much. My DD was very much into princesses at that age, and HATES pink now (she will be 10 this week)

Then start gradually bringing new stuff in that is not pink. Don't throw out the toys that they already have, just diversify a bit.

Agree with Mme Lindor- it's a phase. My DD was like this aged 3-5 ish and then gradually discovered painting ( messy so pin dresses didn't get put on), horses ( messy so need trousers), books etc. Don't get rid of the princessy stuff, but introduce other things, get outdoors etc My DD now nearly 17, occaisional make up wearer, looks after her apperance but in a "neat grooming/hygiene way" rather than an "obsesssed princess way".

Some of the Barbie clothes could disappear, take them shopping for some Lego and some modelling clay. You could buy them some magazines that are (frankly) more targeted at boys but IME girls find them just as interesting. Dinosaurs, robots, building toys, ballgames, creative toys, there's all sorts of stuff you can divert them to - I would divert before you start divesting them of stuff. And you can reinforce this by pointing out that how they look doesn't matter, the person they become is what's important. My dd is currently obsessed with pirates and loves dressing up as one.

I agree with the others, they grow out of it. My pink and sparkly 4 year old just turned 9 and wanted to go caving for her party, her favourite presents were lego and an electronics kit. If you had banned/avoid pink you might have made it the forbidden fruit so don't worry.

I also agree - it's a phase lots of them just go through. But you could give the dresses away once they are outgrown and not replace them for a start.

Is your 4yo your eldest or your youngest? I have a 4yo DD and a 6yo DS so it is a bit easier for me as we have other toys around.

How much of the pink tat/barbies do they "remember" that they own - you coudl try bagging some of it up, keep in bag for 6 weeks and if they don't ask for it, eBay it or charity shop it.

Perhpas you could expand their horizons with craft - paint your own teaset, hama beads (not suitable if 4yo is the elder one).

This might help www.pinkstinks.org.uk/

I wanted pink desperately from ages 5-8. Then I went off it.

I got my bedroom decorated by my parents as a surprise for my 13th. I went away on a school trip, and came back to a newly painted and carpeted bedroom. In pink. Which I hated.

You grow out of it usually!

As you'll see from my name, I'm with you on this and trying very hard with my ds 4 and dd 18months to treat them the same, same toys, similar clothes and treatment etc.

If ever I despair about presents bought for them or friends or other parents saying stupid things, I remember I had Barbies and dolls and stuff like that. I also had loads of other stuff and two older brothers teaching me to catch cricket balls etc. So, agree with the others, don't encourage or eradicate the pink things but get loads of alternatives in there too...

Good luck

I think the more of an issue you make about pink, the more little girls will want it. However as said earlier, you can help to curb the amount of it. Dressing up princess/fairy clothes in pink are fine because this is imaginary play, but encourage other colours to be worn in ordinary life. Same with variety of toys and games, and wider interests/hobbies. Their interests do change in time.

My pet hate is slogans on clothing, I think 'Daddy's little princess' and 'I'm a cutie' are far more revolting.

I would encourage little girls to have an interest in their appearance to the point of being clean and smart, but while a pretty dress and hair ornaments would be acceptable, makeup wouldn't. I think we would need to examine our own attitudes to fashion, hairstyles and cosmetics; because if we think we look terrible without any makeup on, or can't go out without it on, what message is that giving to our girls?

See if they have an interest in a sport (or dance/ ballet) which will take their horizons away from princesses and towards hard work and focus?

Hi pepa, I sympathise, I am also a strident anti-pink feminist with a pink fairy princess-y DD (nearly 4 yo)

I am just riding it out tbh, letting the waves of pink plastic tat wash over me. I definitely don't want to make it forbidden fruit as then my stepmum would buy it all for her just to annoy me

However, depending on her mood she does also like pirates, lego and digging the mud in the garden, is fascinated by animals and nature, and her current favourite toy is a little toy Bosch power drill so I feel there may be light at the end of the (pink) tunnel

There's some great advice on here which I'm going to take for myself as DD (3.5) is also prone to a bit of pink madness.

My only thing to add would be not to negate the fun side of princess-ing. It's imaginary play and there is nothing wrong with it per se. Certainly no more than if a boy wanted to dress up as a pirate which I think might be culturally easier to accept for mothers, like me, who were tomboy-ish themselves.

I despised all girly things so I find I have to make a conscious effort not to push DD towards toys I think are more acceptable but to let her explore and make her own choices. And having relaxed about it I now find we can get a lot of pleasure out of playing with her fairies and chasing each other with wands - so long as we are active and are engaged in play.

They will grow out of it..

Don't know ANY 7 year old girl or older who'd be seen dead in a princessy pink glitter dress.

I would not worry.

They grow out of it and that's when the trouble starts. I have older DDs who want turquoise, blue and purple.

OK for 14 year old, but DD2 still wears children's sizes and there's still a lot of pink! And if it's blue it has footballs or skulls on it.

Basically it's just very lazy design.

They grow up and out of it.

Honestly they do.

And it does not rot their brain.

And when they do grow out of it, turn the pink stuff into cash by boxing it up and car-booting it.

Dd was as bad as they get, & grew out of it by 6 or so.
She is 10 now & would be mortified if anything remotely princessy entered her personal space.

(DS however had a pink party when he was 3 and at the age of 14 is still wearing it, so actually, it doesn't always change.....)

Oh, Carpe. You poor soul. I would have been devastated.

I think as much as anything, girls learn by watching their parents. If you and your partner try not to gender-ify everything (ie. mummy does housework, daddy takes care of the car etc) then they learn more than if you buy lots of lego and stop them playing princesses.

I make comments occasionally about girl toys all being pink, and my daughter is definitely picking up on it. She came home from ToysRUs yesterday, where Granny had been taking her to look for a birthday present, "Mum, it was so silly. They had boys roller skates and girls roller skates. And the girl ones were PINK!"

Thanks everyone for replying - been a bit distracted with RL

I'm very reassured that this has been a phase for lots of you DD's - gives me hope :)

I'm going to read all your replies properly now I have 30 mins!!

My DD is 8. Believe me, you'll want the pink princesses back when all you are getting Moshi Monsters, One Direction and A WHOLE LOAD OF ATTITUDE!

Have you seen the Princess Smartypants books? They give a pleasingly feminist twist on a princess.

It passes, as everyone else has said - mine are now 9 and 11. The 11yo wants to be a Goth or an Emo, the 9yo wants to run around in leggings and make endless drawings of animals. Neither will accept anything but the most tasteful dusky rose, any other shade of pink is out. (it has to be said the dusky rose looks fab with their brown hair and green eyes).

They are heavily into Percy Jackson (which is fine) and love One Direction, Moshi Monsters and a lot of other pre-teen crap stuff.

cinderella ate my daughter by peggy orenstein is worth a read if you are still fretting.

mine are 8 and 12 now. not a princess or pinkery in sight.

and yy to percy jackson, and ffs to freaking twilight. pissant vampires are the next worst thing, believe me.