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Original poster

My five year old still wears nappies to poo in

23 replies

JoeZena · 10/02/2006 20:10

Just wondering if anyone has any advice for me. I have a five year old son who is clean day and night other than number twos he does and always has pooed in a nappy (he has never pooed on a toilet or potty). Feel like i have tried every trick in the book star charts, bribery etc. Tried to leave the nappy off but he ended up constipated after 8 days we gave in and let him have a nappy. GP says nothing wrong physically its a matter of training. At the end of my tether PLEASE HELP !!

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skerriesmum · 10/02/2006 20:13

Do you let him walk around the house naked? That's how ds finally pooed in the potty... but then again he has a high metabolism and poos a lot. That sounds tough, good luck!

bunny3 · 10/02/2006 20:20

my ds is the same, he's 6 in may. we have asked for a referral but havent had one yet.

WigWamBam · 10/02/2006 20:21

Will he sit on the toilet with his nappy on for a poo? Even if you could get him to stand in the room with his nappy on would be a start, then move him closer to the toilet with a view to him eventually sitting on the toilet with his nappy on. Then work towards him sitting on the toilet with the nappy off ... or even with the nappy on but with a hole cut out of the back, and keep increasing the size of the hole until he isn't wearing the nappy anymore. I have heard people who've said their child sits on the toilet with just the waistband of the nappy around their waist.

If he won't then maybe it's just a matter of time until he feels emotionally ready. My dd was just the same, although she wasn't quite as old as your ds (she was almost 4 when she cracked pooing). She would only ever stand in one place (not the toilet, unfortunately!) and at one time of day - for almost 18 months. The suggestion about sitting her on the toilet in the nappy didn't work for her, but several people have found it helped them. In the end it was a tummy bug (and uncontrollable poo!) that did it for my dd - she pooed inadvertently whilst she was weeing one day, and we used that to build on. We had tried bribes, stickers, star charts - nothing worked because her desire not to use the toilet was greater than her desire not to use a nappy.

I would be inclined to say relax and let him do it in his own time, but obviously you are concerned about this because of his age. I wonder whether giving him something like lactulose for a while would help - it might keep the poo too soft for him to be able to hang onto, and give you the chance to try him without nappies again.

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bunny3 · 10/02/2006 20:30

my ds will sit on the toilet (sometimes) but cant seem to let go enough to actually do anything. He has had constipation befiore and it has hurt him to go, therefore he is scared and tenses up. He hasnt been since sunday and is crying right now that he hurts . I wish I could help but feel we have tried everrything and now need some professional help. I dont want my son to suffer like he is right now.

bunny3 · 10/02/2006 20:31

JZ, I think your gp is oversimplifying the matter as did ours, tyhat's why I have asked for a referral to whoever might be able to help more

Cam · 10/02/2006 20:32

I would be inclined to take away the nappies completely (and for ever) and give lots of things to eat like dried figs, water to drink etc.

soapbox · 10/02/2006 20:33

I think the way to go on this one is to give a large dose of syrup of figs, take all nanppies and pants off, supply a nappy and stand back and watch

soapbox · 10/02/2006 20:33

Cam

Spidermama · 10/02/2006 20:34

I've no experience of this but here's a thought which you can feel free to ignore ...

As he's used to pooing in a standing or squatting position rather than a sitting position, perhaps if he had a step either side of the lavatory pan so he could straddle it then still poo in a standing position over the loo. When he has mastered that gradually work on getting him to sit down.

soapbox · 10/02/2006 20:34

Oops mine should say supply a POTTY, not nappy[duh]

WigWamBam · 10/02/2006 20:47

The problem with just withdrawing the nappies is that a refusal to use the toilet is often because there is quite a deep seated anxiety about the toilet (there certainly was in my dd's case) and going cold turkey can make matters worse. My dd certainly found it very stressful when we tried to get her to use the toilet, and in the end it became clear that she had real issues about the loo. Hence the rather more gentle approach to losing the nappies!

bunny3 · 10/02/2006 22:06

im back, ds asleep. In response to the 'fig' suggestions, with ds, he is incredibly stubborn and will not eat many of the things that are naturally laxative ie wont eat fruit, no dried fruit, eats few veg etc. To an extent I can control his diet and offer certain foods but as far as figs/prunes go, no chance! Same with fluid intake, I cajol endlessly to encourqge him to drink more but it is almost impossible to get a large amount of fluid in him and this exacerbates the problem. As WWB says, the anxiety issues are paramount here and needto be dealt with, we have tried cold turley many times and it doesnt work at at. I wish someone had a friggin answer.

bunny3 · 10/02/2006 22:06

last comment aimed at noone here btw, just immensly frustrated watching ds in so much pain.

3mum · 10/02/2006 22:49

FWIW Holland & Barrett sell bottles of prune juice. We have found that as little as a tablespoonful works on a constipated toddler and you can stick it in other things eg choc milkshake to hide it.

soapbox · 10/02/2006 22:56

I guess you will have to try magic dust then!

Magic dust is...well...magic

It has to be used really sparingly as adults only get a tiny, tiddly amount of it, and it has to last all their lives through!

So a tiny amount of it can be spared to sprinkle over your DS to take away anything in the whole world he is frightened of. It is good stuff - really!

If you sprinkle it over the potty amazing things happen. He will feel calm and not in the slightest bit afraid or bothered. A little, tiny bit of glitter will enhance this effect.

Mogic dust has erased nightmares, night terrors, monsters and lots of other baddies from our house - I'm sure it can cope with a few poos

chipmonkey · 11/02/2006 22:30

Oh the memories! ds1 is 9 now but was nearly ( or maybe actually) 4 by the time he stopped pooing in his pants! What worked:
1/ Mum and Dad calming down. And really calming down! Act like you've smoked a few joints and really don't care where the poo goes. ( You don't actually have to smoke the joints, just act that way!)
2/ Mil-par. Available in pharmacies in Ireland so I assume available in the UK. Tasteless stuff but it makes you GO!! No constipation.
3/ No pants. Nakedy bum!
After a few days of this we had cracked it.

Cam · 12/02/2006 11:01

bunny3, I think the general consensus is that you will have to go cold turkey over this one! I suppose that at 5 your ds is too old to be "trained" - he can have too much say in it, IYKWIM.

It will be hard for a few days but it will be worth it, for you and him.

I wish you the best, let us know how it goes.

misdee · 12/02/2006 11:08

bunny3, my dd1 was almost 4 when we cracked pooing in the toilet. she held on and on and refused to go in the toilet. she was in terrible pain, and igave in and let her have a nappy. but i thought, i have to deal with this. she would do wees on the toilet, so she wasnt scared of the toilet. so we gave her califig. held her down and forced it down her throat (had to fight back tears to do it, it wasnt easy) one hour later she was screaming for a nappy, i refused, dd2 was in cloth at this point as well, and isaid i didnt have enough nappies for her to poo in to. i sat her on the toilet, sat and chatted with her whilst she sat there, and just reassured her lots that it will ok. eventually she pooed on the toilet. she looked surprised that it didnt hurt and wasnt scary. it wasdnt over in one poo tho, it did take a little whilse to get over her fear totally, but she is fine now (almost 6yrs old).

kpnut · 15/02/2006 16:16

To Soapbox

What is magic dust?!!!

Where can i get hold of some?!!!

Philly · 15/02/2006 16:46

we had this problem and we tried everything,at the time I thought i must be the only person in the world like this.

Bribery didn,t work he never wanted anything enough for it to outweigh teh nappies!!Then when he was about 5 he decided he wanted a batman cape,he asked several times about this.I took him to the shop and we looked at the capes then I expalined very calmely that when he had done 5 poos in loo he could have the cape,really didn't think this was likely to work,also because he was regular and we had no constipation problems etc I decided to go cold turkey when we got home we ceremoniously threw ALL the nappies away ( this was partly for my benefit as we had tried this before and I always ended up finding one and giving in!)

To be honest I really didn't think it would work but....he didn't go for 2.5 days anad I was just about to give up but then he did and yes he got to the target and got the cape.He is 12 now and driving me mad with his bass guitar and still just as stubborn!.

To be honest I think he actually decided, you just have to grap the moment when it comes,after all he can't control many things in his life but this is one that he can have complete control over.

Good luck anyway and keep calm!!!I think he also reallised thatI was less bothered nad much much calmer than before and this definately played a large part.

giffsmiff · 22/02/2006 20:41

Sorry, no advice for you, but we are going through the same problem, our son is nearly 7 and still refuses to poo on the toilet, he will sit on with a nappy, but thats it,we've tried everything but still no joy. Tried the laxatives during the summer holidays, but he was still able to hold on until a huge tantrum and until we gave in! Done the 'cut the hole' in the nappy and then because 'I had tricked him', would only go to the toilet with his Mum and before I got home from work. He's tells us that he is upset by doing it this way, and it's his secret from his friends because they might think that he is babyish. He has a serious phobia of his poo going down the toilet though. It's good to hear of other things to try, thanks

muma3 · 22/02/2006 20:46

i have seen this on some parenting program and they left the nappy off . gave him laxative (up his bum) and then just gentle kept trying until one day he called his mum and she came in the room to find him sat on the toilet . not sure how long it took but hth

redwinelover · 16/03/2006 14:49

It makes me feel so good that there are other children out there as stubborn as mine!! dd has been on lactulose and the occasional laxative since before christmas to try and make hr go without screaming the house down. It started after she had a nasty virus and didn't eat for about five das, her poo then turned to brick and she has never been right since (DR. wonders if she experienced a tear and is now scared). We tried on a number of occasions to put her on the potty to make 'going' easier. We are now trying to potty train but she has turned potty phobic!! She is 3 in June and likewise refuses all fruit, veg etc. VERY STUBBORN!!

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