My SO is currently being assessed for a number of mental health conditions including aspergers syndrome (and other autism spectrum problems), Bi-Polar disorder, personality disorder and pretty much anything else you can think of. He's convinced that its Bi Polar. The process of assessment is taking ages, and his symptoms are getting worse in the interim. We live with my parents, and nothing they do is good enough for him. He is very possessive of DD, as he has another dd by former partner who he hardly gets to see and missed a lot of her upbringing. He wants final say in all clothing, toys, food products, decorations, routine etc etc. My Mum cares for dd as i work part time and tbh i dont want to leave her with him full time.
Before i go on i have to point out that he IS a loving Daddy, there's nothing he wouldn't do for his kids, but when the depression takes over he can barely get out of bed, not great for dealing with a 10 month old.
My main problem is this control freak attitude. If i (or god forgive my parents) give dd anything not "pre approved" he hits the roof. I have had to "lose" various pieces of clothing that he does not like, vet all toys and generally walk on eggshells.
My parents are not exactly supportive of his condition... There are frequent clashes between him and my mum especially, she has suffered from depression for years and has a very "just get on with it" attitude, so sees him as lazy. He has been seeing a psychotherapist as part of his assessment who has assured me that it is not laziness but part of his mh problems.
We keep arguing over what dd is eating/wearing/where she's going when with parents etc.
I honestly believe that if we could get a place of our own where we weren't all stuck together things would improve, but theres no chance on my wage, and he's currently appealing an esa decision so is on minimum income. Our chances of a council property are slim to none and we have no savings.
Sometimes i just want him to leave, i feel like a full time mum, carer, worker, cook, cleaner and i'm shattered. I never get a break as dd still not going through the night, and wont go to anyone else. I also feel like i cant keep everyone happy, parents want me to kick SO out, but he has nowhere to go, and SO wants me to "keep parents in line" as we are dd's parents so should have final say on food etc. (what he means is he wants final word)
I love him to bits, and understand that most of this behaviour is due to mh problems, but my parents have been so good to me re looking after dd, letting me live there etc. Its a Case of him saying "my child my rules" and parents saying "my house my rules"
Has anyone got any advice? Sorry i've written an essay, but feel like i'm losing my grip!!