Baby Whispering...

[Oakmaiden]

As an aside to the Whisperer thread on the sleep forum, I was wondering - does anyone else find it nigh on impossible to differentiate between their baby's cries? My daughter is only 6 weeks, and try as I might I can't work out any difference. I know in her book Tracey Hogg says that if you don't respond appropriately to the differing cries, then they stop being different and just become crying. Is this likely to have happened so early, or am I just not very perceptive?

I think I know what Harvey is crying for by where we are on EASY as opposed to what the cry sounds like - also body language, when he is crying with hunger I know its hunger as opposed to tiredness as he has just woken from a sleep is sucking his hands and mouth gaping wide - he is then awake and alert and when he starts crying again I know that its tiredness because its after activity and not long enough to warrant a feed IYSWIM he has also started rubbing his eyes when he is tired.

When he was 6 weeks, like you I often struggled but it has got easier as he has got older.

I hated people (& books) who baldly stated that a mother should just "know" what her baby's cries meant; or that you can learn if you just pay attention. 2 babies behind me and I never learnt. Does this make me inattentive, unperceptive, insensitive? Ie., inferior mother? Well, that's how I heard it. Always found "you can tell what your baby needs by listening carefully to your baby's cries" to be some of the most unhelpful, demoralising advice dished out by so-called parenting gurus.

(Z, time to climb off her soapbox, but it's one that really winds me up!).

in answer to your question oakmaiden - YES
ds is 2 now but I couldn't differentiate between his cries at all when newborn.

agree wholeheartedly with zebra

I know zebra - you are of course correct. In fairness to TH she does do her best to explain the difference between these crys for most babes, and the body language that tends to go with the need. But it just doesn't seem to fit my baby. Ah well.

Oh, that reminds me - anyone seen this? I am torn between horror at the concept of having a machine for this, and a desire to buy one....

Zebra - agree , it is so infuriating. Why do so called experts, HV's included, all say "SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD"!!! As if all babies conform to text book types. Read them all for the first few weeks , became obsessed by them (Didnt help my PND let me tell u)and now havent once looked at them in the last 3 weeks. I have garnered what I feel is appropriate and helpful and left the rest other wise I think I will go CRAZEEEEEEEE!!!!
Oakmaiden I feel that u eventually just know from doing the EASY routine what the cry MIGHT be for ; dirty nappy, bored ,tired etc. Its all trial and error.

I too couldn't, in the early weeks/months tell the difference - I just used to work through the list (hungry, nappy, cold, hot...) and sometimes come to the conclusion that he was just crying...! I can't say I've got it down pat now even (ds is 6 months...), but am a lot better at knowing partly by the other actions that go along with the crying. Also as they get older they change (mine does a kind of 'come and get me cry' at about 5.00 in the morning....! - he's not hungry, just wants a cuddle). I also read all the books and thought I was lacking because I didn't automatically know what was wrong - my ds seems to have and be surviving his 'insensitive' mother!

I don't think I ever managed to distinguish between cries for my dd when she was a baby. I would run through the list though, nappy, hungry, tired etc until I figured out what was wrong. As she got a litte older it was easier to know what she wanted/needed due to body movements as well as the crying.

when my dd was 1 we met a woman through a mutual friend who had a dd who was 9 months. I was playing with the baby and she started to cry and I said, oh you're hungry better give you back to mum, and she was hungry! I was amazed at myself and I don't know how I recognised the cry of someone elses child but that was the only time I ever managed it.

I'm the same Linnet, never could tell my own child's crys apart, but once heard a baby in M&S who was textbook straight out of babywhisperer hungry cry. I just suppose some babies have clearer cries than others?!

Well, that's what I told myself, anyway

Oakmaiden, I actually think that's total rubbish and a guilt trip waiting to happen. When ds was a newborn I couldnt distinguish any different cries at all - I actually don't think there was any at that early stage. Later I could tell them apart more, and I think this was as much him as me - ie he was developing a language. Having said that, even then it was pretty hit and miss. There is a high pitched scream that means pain which I think is by far the most easily distinguished.

I could never tell from ds's cries what the problem was, but once he settled into some sort or routine I knew because of the time of day (ie, Oh it's 3 hours since his last feed he must be hungry!) If I wasn't sure, I just checked nappy, food etc until we worked it out.
He is now 11.5 months and I always know what the problem is, but mainly because of common sense- ie, lunchtime, naptime, strange smell around the trouser area....