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Original poster

So upset with the MIL

14 replies

Mothership1 · 21/04/2012 08:49

Deep breath and the rant begins .....
I have a 18mo DS and me and my PD decided before Xmas to start trying for another baby, we dropped hints about this to MIL and as expected she wasn't happy, we fell pregnant in January and we were over the moon, unfortunately we miscarried in march :-( I told my mum and she was very upset for us, when I told the MIL she basically said she is glad it's happened and that we should wait for a few years before considering having another baby!!!! Grrrrrr!
She has no reason for this other than she waited 4 years between hers!
Me and my DP own a business that has been running for 11 years, doing quite well, my DS works very hard and I work 2/3 days a week, my DS is very good, sleeps, eats, ect so I can't see her reasoning behind it! My DP would like to start trying again soon and i just feel like the MIL has totally pi**ed on my fire and i don't feel like I can be excited about trying again as I know how she feels about it all!!!
I know it's our life, our family, and our decision Ect
Rant over!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mothership1 · 21/04/2012 09:05

..... Some mistakes with the DS / DP's ...... My DS does not go to work!!!! Blush

OP posts:
lola88 · 21/04/2012 11:35

what a bitch! she'll change her tune once she has a beautiful new grandchild and you can remind her she didn't want him/her x

mrswoodentop · 21/04/2012 11:39

Sorry, but I don't understand why it has anything to do with your MIL ,her opinion is completely irrelevant as far as I can see,unless you are asking her to do childcare .She sounds rather jealous to me,I would ignore her; she clearly has her own agenda ,your concern is your own family unit and what is right for you,if you feel it is the right time then go for it.

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CiderwithBuda · 21/04/2012 11:41

Don't tell her you are trying.
When you do conceive get DP to tell her and if she criticizes tell him to tell her that it is none of her business!

Hebiegebies · 21/04/2012 11:41

Feel for you
Take time to mourn for your baby. Harsh as this may sound I think it's possible you are transferring your anger that your baby died onto your MIL.
Have you done something to mark the life you lost? We bought a Russian wedding ring, with it's 3 bands representing the baby, dh and me, always connected.
Once you have got through thesis of the mc, ignore your mil, accept the love your mum has ans then see if you and your dh are ready to make a decision about your family, it's got nothing to do with mil

Coconutty · 21/04/2012 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hebiegebies · 21/04/2012 11:43

Sorry, didn't say mil was out of line to say what she did :(

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/04/2012 11:44

I don't understand why you told her in the first place that you were trying?

You cannot expect to share every intimate detail about your life with someone and then moan when they have an opinion.

I am very sorry about your baby Sad

Shriekable · 21/04/2012 11:46

What a horrible way to react. Even if she had been somewhat 'relieved', she should never have said what she did to you. My MIL was very ambivalent when DH and I told her we were expecting DC1, I have no idea why. DH was so upset by her reaction (she just said something like 'oh, nice' - didn't even kiss or hug him, just sat there). So when we were expecting DC2 we didn't tell her until we were ready to tell everyone.

I don't understand your MIL's attitude at all - there's nearly 3 years between my 2 and I wish the gap was closer. If you and DP are happy to have another baby now, then that's all that matters. Don't let this thoughtless woman spoil your family plans. Don't include her in any of it.

picnicbasketcase · 21/04/2012 11:48

Sorry for your loss Sad

It has absolutely nothing to do with her when you have another child. Don't tell her anything about ttc, and when you do get pg again, say nothing to her until you feel you want to. Her decisions and the size of age gap between her children are not necessarily the right ones not matter what she thinks and she sounds like a heartless cow.

Original poster
Mothership1 · 21/04/2012 13:55

Thank so much for all your advise, I think your right we won't tell her until we have actually conceived, were waiting a few months before trying again just to let things settle down and obviously get over our miscarriage Sad
She was like this when my DP's brother and his girlfriend pregnant (they had only been together for 9 months) but decided to try for a baba, MIL offered to pay for an abortion!!! Needless to say MIL and SIL do not get on now!
Think I just need to be a bit stronger with her and not let her walk over me, this is my family and my life! ...... Ohhh feeling a little more empowered now Grin

OP posts:
popsypie · 21/04/2012 14:03

Oh dear - she sounds awful. I would never tell her anything else about your plans. It has NOTHING to do with her and she seems very unpleasant anyway.

PooPooInMyToes · 21/04/2012 18:01

Yes i agree that you've been including her too much considering you had an idea of what reaction to expect. You don't need her approval. Dont expect her to react well and then you can't be disappointed.

posypoo · 22/04/2012 13:35

So sorry for your loss. Is it possible that your MIL is reacting to a loss of power or status within her family?

Try for a baby again whenever YOU feel ready to. And if it were me I'd be tempted not to bother telling her I was pregnant again at all. See how long it takes her to notice!

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