Preventing my kids from having a father?

[any11]

Hi, not really sure if I should post this in relationships but it is more of a parenting issue I think.

Right so I feel like my life is a complete mess.

I left my dh 6 years ago as he was an alcoholic and quite verbally abusive, and used to vent his anger by smashing up our house ie kicking doors in, throwing household objects, kicking our car in and breaking kitchen cabinets, he was physically abusive on about 5-6 times but in comparison to what a lot of women have to endure quite mild as in he would pull my hair, push me etc not punch and kick. There was one incident where he was very violent though. Anyway I had a baby at that time and left after which we tried to make it work several times but no joy and I managed to get pregnant again and now have 2 young children. The problem I'm faced with he loves the children to bits and they love him too but I am in the way of them forming a strong proper father- child relationship because in 6 years I have never left him alone with the children and am still struggling to do that. I want to be able to drop the kids off with their dad so they can form a bond and not miss out on having a father but I am so scared of what might happen when they are alone with him that I back out every time. I come across as a cow I am fully aware of that but my fear is justified. But what am I supposed to do the kids need a dad and I'm in the way. He won't agree to coming to my house to see the children or contact centres, or even mediation to help resolve all our issues. We live over 100 miles away from each other.

In 6 years nothing has changed except that he wants to see is children without me hanging around and I definitely want my children to have a father. But how do I do it.

I know in the long run my children will ask me why I prevented them spending time with their dad. He has also said that if I can't agree to weekend/overnight contact with the kids he will have to let them go as it has been too long already. He currently sees them a few times a year.

My family and friends naturally can't stand him and say we are best shot of him but I'm not so sure.

Any one in the same situation willing to offer some advice.

You are not stopping him creating the bond he is you sound even after 6 years as though you are still scared off him (hugs)

HE has refused mediation, you offered it
HE has refuserd to come to your home, you offered (very brave btw)
HE has refused contact centres, you offered it

All I can say is keep all your correspondance that proves this and never lie to your kids they will know you do what you do to protect them

xxx

Your children have a father but he is one that can't be trusted. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his behaviour. Having spent a huge amount of time with a grown-up family who had an alcoholic father, he was the cause of terrible anxiety, guilt, arguments and psychological harm right up to the day he died. He literally ruined his children's lives for decades with his selfish, thoughtless behaviour... setting one against the other rather as he's doing with you by threatening to 'let them go' if you don't give in.

Children deserve to be sheltered from dads like that at all costs. It isn't 'standing in his way' it's 'protecting your children'. When one day they understand his true nature they'll be very glad you made the decision you did.

And when your children ask you should tell them the truth imo.

You don't leave them with him because he is violent! That's a very good reason and justified. You back out for your childrens safety. I don't know why you are doubting this.

I imagine you have been desensitized to his abuse. Were you also exposed to this as a child?

You don't want you children being hurt by him and you don't want them growing up thinking it is normal either so you are doing to right thing.