Ds terrified of burglars

[GooseyLoosey]

Ds(8) cannot get to sleep at night because he is terrified that burglars are going to break into the house and kill us in our beds.

I think the fear stems from several things. A few people we know have been burgled whilst out at work. Some broke into my grandmother's house at night and stole her pension book while she was asleep. He has been bullied at school and school's behavioural policy towards the bully at the moment is to reward the good behaviour and not heavily sanction the bad - as a result, ds believes that authority cannot effectively control bad people and there are no deterents to bad behaviour that actually work.

I am at my wits end and ds is pemanently tired. I have tried getting him to think about other things, rationalising how unlikely it is, telling him we are there to protect him, letting him listen to stories to distract him. He spent the whole Easter hols sleeping in his sister's room as he felt less afraid like that. He spent the weekend making alarmed pressure pads to put by the front door at night!

Does anyone have any other ideas how I can address the fear?

Bump

Aw. Poor little guy.
I am 44yo & never been burgled.

And even when burglars break in they take stuff to sell for money, they don't anything to do with real live human beings. But I guess hard to explain that to an 8yo.

What he's playing out is his own insecurity & fears prompted, it sounds like, by the bullying. I'd therefore approach in two ways.

First.... give the school HELL about their bullying policy because it absolutely stinks. Your son is unable to sleep and is displaying disturbed fear-driven behaviour.... he is physically and mentally suffering. Do they know how bad it is? If they're not taking it seriously you have to sit on their tails, threaten to report them to the LEA, threaten to take your DS to a different school (carry through if necessary) and generally make yourself VERY unpopular until they start punishing the bad behaviour. I've been the parent in the same situation and discovered that it does no good to be tolerant and even-handed. They have to call the bullies to account, get the bullies' parents involved and so forth. DEMAND action. Don't take no for answer. FIGHT for your child's right to be happy and safe. Once DS sees you're being properly combative on his behalf he'll feel less insecure.

Secondly boost his confidence and security by exposing him to new experiences that challenge him to stretch himself and be a little brave without actually scaring him. Could be learning a new skill, joining a group of some kind, engaging in a sporting activity (martial arts might be appropriate).... doesn't really matter what it is as long as he gets a sense of achievement and starts to believe in himself.

Good luck

What cogito said.
To tackle the lack of sleep: can you take measures to "protect" the house and make it safe? Cricket bat under the bed, show him how to phone the police, think of a quick escape route or the safest hiding place in case burglars do come in? Do you have a neighbourhood watch in your area?
I think the key is to be prepared and feel that you are taking action.

Thanks all.

I agree Cogito - the fear is driven by the bullying. I have in fact just removed ds from the school. It was his first day at a new school yesterday. On the one hand this means (hopefully) that there is no more bullying. On the other hand, it has occured to me that it means that he will never achieve closure with regard to the other situation as it was never actually resolved, he was just removed from it.

You are right about exposing him to other groups and people. He was so confident before this and outwardly still appears so until it is time to go to sleep.

ContinentalKat, I have actually bought him pepper spray to put beside his bed and now switch the burglar alarm on downstairs at night. Thing is, this is not a rational fear so I am not sure that rational solutions are helping. But agree they are definitely worth trying.

Yes, you will have to keep a particular eye on the new school (being the new kid can be awkward if others have already formed friendships) and yes it would have been better if the bullies at the old school could have been made to leave rather than their victim. However, you've protected him, taken him seriously, taken his side and done something concrete and he will now have confidence that if there are problems he can come to you and you'll fix it. That's something good that you can take away from a bad experience.

Age 8 he's ideal for joining Cubs. Emphasis is on fun and teamwork. Could be the boost he needs. Good luck

Thanks Cogito - not thought about Cobs. He does however do cricket, football and a martial art. I am dreading the whole "established friendships" thing. I can see ds finding it hard to break in to them. Damned if you do and damned if you don't really.

Speaking as a soon-to-be-ex cub leader I really recommend joining a group that has plenty of people in it from his new school. Many really blossom faced with new challenges like going on camps etc