Help convince me to fly with my children. Uber-phobic!

[Propinquity]

No idea where to post this question..

I'm a phobic flyer, but I want to take my children (3 & 5) for their first ever holiday. Potentially, it will be with my mother and a few other family members sharing a villa in Fuerte Ventura.

I know I could avoid the flight thing with a staycation, but weather risk aside, having lived in Cornwall for instance, I know exactly how expensive it is to holiday there accommodation and daytrips-wise. It would cost me more to staycate than go abroad.

What I'd love to hear, is from people like me who are petrified of flying but now have children, and can tell me if that makes a difference to their fear. ie are you better able to control your fear because you worry you might scare your children and pass on that phobia, or are you too distracted with how your children are going to cope with flying to think about yourself?

Also, are there any recommendations on how I could cope with the flight? For example some medication to knock me out a little, should I have a drink before boarding, does hypnosis really work (not convinced on that one, so it probably won't!), and so on.

And ... is it correct that my children have to sit on laps, not have their own seat dependant on age?? Or that we might be seated a few chairs apart with strangers in between?

I have flown twice to Ibiza and Tunisia around 10 years ago. Average flights (night flights) not particularly turbulent. Awful landing in Ibiza though everyone jumped out of their seats, but that alone didn't bother me, thought it was normal!

However, I was in tears for most of the Ibiza flight (first time I'd flown), sat rigid in my chair and couldn't speak.

Next flight to Tunisia was slightly longer around 2 hours I think. I remember being temporarily beautifully distracted by the views of cities lit up at night, but again rest of the flight, petrified is a good description. Take off and landing are worst, I'm in tears and have to be held down not to get off the flight.

Lastly, it's bizarre, but I would actually no fear at all of climbing into a military plane like a Hercules, far more rickety, noisy and rackety, compared to a passenger airliner where the ride is probably smoother than a train :/

Views warmly appreciated!!

No help as I am also very phobic (and will come back to see what people write!) but my friend was even worse than me and did CBT. She has now flown to Canada twice, Denmark, Portugal and Spain since having her LO.

I hate flying. I am not phobic (can get on a plane ok) but spend the whole flight sitting rigid in my seat, crying, feeling sick and anticipating sudden death.

I flew to Greece (only a couple of hrs away) when DS was 16 months old. It was actually better than I anticipated - mainly because I went to the Drs and had a good cry and they prescribed me some very, very low dose tranquilisers! I took one about 30 mins before the flight and felt calm and in control - but not sleepy or druggy (which I always assumed would be the case). Then another before landing. It really, really helped.

I also found that keeping DS entertained/fed/watered was a good distraction - I had less time to sit rigid in my seat listening to all the strange noises and stressing over all the weird sensations. I didn't want DS to pick up on my anxiety so was forced to keep more of a lid on it. DH was well aware of my problem so was on hand with reassuring facts and figures and to take DS for a stroll when it all got a bit too much.

I do have slightly odd beliefs about flying though whcih accompany my fear (fairly common according to my Dr!) - such as the plane wont crash if there is a baby on board, or a nun/priest, because God would not let it (beyond irrational, and I am not even religious!!) So having my own baby on the plane I actually found quite reassuring.

Sorry for the ramble :)

Can't help on the flying front sorry - I haven't flown for over 20 years now and am quite happy doing that.

But - I don't end up just holidaying in the UK - I've done lots of cruising and taking the train through Europe. I've been as far afield as Greece, Turkey, Libya, Egypt and also closer to home - Italy, France, the Netherlands, Spain, Portugal...

How fixed is it that everybody else want to share a villa in Fuerte Ventura? Could you share a villa somewhere else - mainland Europe makes it much easier to get a train to (although you could probably go down to southern spain and get a ferry, but might be a hassle if you have young kids). or cruising is great - lots of things for everyone to do, then you all get to eat together at the end of the day...

Check out www.seat61.com/ - fantastic site which tells you how to best travel by train from the UK to get to different foreign locations.

hope you get a nice warm holiday somewhere and you feel happy getting there!

At 3 and 5, your DCs will have their own seats. It depends on the airline how likely you are to get seats together. Most take care to ensure families are all together - no one want to have a child upset because they are sat next to strangers and want to be with a parent.

There are specific courses on flting phobia you can do. eg this one

Have you considered a Flying with Confidence course? It is not the cheapest option, but it is a fairly permanent 'cure.' I work for BA on the aircraft, and it really is the best course out there.

Please don't have a drink to relax you, and especially don't mix it with some kind of medication. You'd be surprised at the number of people who pop a pil, have a drink (or 2 or 3!) and then start behaving really weird. Alcohol accounts for nearly half of all air rage cases.

At 3 and 5 your children will have their own seats. You will all be seated together, or in the very worst case you would sit with one and your partner would sit with one. You can increase your chances of all sitting together greatly by checking in as soon as possible.

If you don't do a course but feel brave enough to go anyway, tell the cabin crew you are a nervous flyer who has not flown for years, and there is a good chance someone will come to sit with you if it is possible to, to try and calm you during take off. When I have a known nervous passenger, I try and make time during the flight to go back and speak to them.

The aircraft you would be flying on is likely to be a Boeing or an Airbus, both very good makes of plane. The general public is often quite alarmed at bumpiness/strange noises/ sudden changes of direction or altitude in flight that we find very normal. Even in relatively good weather, there are many factors that effect how we are likely to land the plane - for example, in parts of the Caribbean we are likely to really put the aircraft down firmly as the runway is short. This does not mean there is anything wrong with the landing - it is right for that airport. But the public doesn't always know that, and the unknown is a big source of concern. You can always ask the crew on board any questions if you think knowing the answer would allay a concern.

Good luck, being able to travel really is a fantastic thing with kids, you'll all benefit from it.

Not phobic about flying but want to reassure you that EasyJet give ANYONE with children under 5 a PRE-BOARD priority when you check in. This means you go on to the plane after the SPEEDY BOARDERS (who pay for the privilege) but before the rest. We always sit at the back near to the loo!

We also take lots of food on board as it saves on money and can be designed to be distributed slowly and gradually as a distraction. We take some empty water bottles through security then fill them up at a drinking fountain before boarding. The theory is that you save money to spend once you actually reach your holiday hotel/villa etc.

Books are also good. Colouring pencils are good even if part of the distraction is getting the hildren to retrieve the ones they drop.

Good luck.

I have a huge fear of flying since a very turbulent flight out of the US 10 years ago. However Dh then got a job offer in India and we had to go there for his final interview & to find school & house. I was a basket case just thinking about it. Dh convinced me to do a fear of flying course with BA which was really good got me to India. That gave me technics such as listening to calming music during the flight, reading a book and weirdly putting an elastic band on my wrist and snapping it occasionally when fear was getting a grip. However when living there we travel around by plane. I got valium from doctor which helped calm me down. I then had hypnotherapy ( can you tell how bad I was?).

Since then I've read a few good books the best being Flying without Fear by captain Keith Godfrey. I'm a lot calmer on flights. Have also lived in Dubai since. I also find bachs rescue remedy products good. It's basically about finding technics to distract you and calm you down. Tell the crew you have a fear when you get on the plane. Sit dc's with others if you are going in a group. Mine were little when I developed my fear and I have been paronoid about passing it on to them. It seems to not have too as my DS aged 12 wants to be a pilot!!! Also my husband now works for an airline. When he first got the job he made me talk to one of the captains and engineers. I now reckon I know so much about the workings of a plane I could fly one!!!!

I'm not cured but I cope so much better. Don't bottle it up see your doctor if necessary. Don't drink alcohol despite thinking it'll calm you down, planes are dehydrating and you'll just end up with a raging hangover!!
It is the safest form of travel and just think of how much fun you'll have on holiday.