How do I help my DS who has a phobia of the dentist?

[beingagoodmumishard]

Had a nightmare trip to the dentist yesterday. My DS(7) has been to the dentist a few times, started taking him when he was very small just to get used to the idea and he was fine then. But then last year when we took him he had to have his teeth cleaned and a temporary filling in a milk tooth. He completely freaked out but the dentist managed to do the work required (I was mortified that we hadn't noticed that he wasn't cleaning his teeth properly )

The dentist then advised that DS went to see her again in 3 months just to get him used to going to the dentist, and that trip was not too bad, a few tears but nothing horrendous.

Then yesterday, he was happy enough for the dentist to look into his mouth but when she said that he had to have another temporary filling he freaked out again and refused to open his mouth. Dentist was lovely, but firm with him, tried 3 times to do the filling but with no success. So told him that she wouldn't be able to do it then as she had other people waiting, and that he would have to come back in a couple of months to have it done. Cue hysterical screaming as we took him out of the surgery, screaming that he "wanted it done now!" Cue even more mortified parents

We have similar problems with just cleaning his teeth, and have been for a few months, which I think has really started since getting wobbly teeth. We usually end up shouting at him, which I know is so wrong and unhelpful, but just get so stressed with it.

I too have a phobia about dentists, so I know where DS is coming from, but I have tried to hide it from him in the past. Always go to the dentist as a family, and DH will take DS out of the room when I am being treated so DS does not see my fear. I have explained to DS that it is ok to not like going to the dentist, as I don't, but it is necessary to go.

We have started a sticker chart to help with the brushing of teeth, and I am thinking that we start a jar of money for all the stickers he gets, and hopefully the growing pile of money will encourage him more. Then when he has been to the dentist and successfully had the treatment he can then go and spend this money.

Sorry this is so long, but if you have managed to read to the end has anyone got any further ideas?

Maybe go to a different dentist so your ds can have a fresh start. And have your appointments at a different dentist to him, or just on a different day as children can tell if you are worried.

I am a dentist though not working at present extended maternity break

if you are phobic your son will have picked it up, even when you are just taking him, possibly better if he goes with his dad only or at 7 he may well be better if you are not in surgery at all

although from what yuo say you have no problem with the dentist you may need to change perhaps within practice perhaps a new dentist, though if you like the dentist you personally should stay with that dentist for your own sake

Sticker charts help but bribery does not... i can count on the fingers of 1 hand the number of times a parental statement such as " if you get this done now we will go to toyshop" worked, mostly it makes no difference as

a) the child is so worked up by now that nothing will work
b) they know you will give in so will get toy shop whether co-operative or not

there are a few kids books about visiting dentist whcih may help also a factual book about how teeth grow what makes holes in teeth what dentists do etc,

for some more knowledge and seeing the needle etc and having it explained are less scary some don't want to see but sometimes seeing things can help

our dentist is relatively new to us, only started seeing her last year after our previous dentist retired. She is very nice, if abit more thorough than our last one. Our DS has said that he likes the dentist lady, he just does not like what she does

She let DS help mix up the mixture for the filling and he stands by her to watch what she does when looking at DH's teeth. I think if he saw a needle though he would freak out.

He does not do blood or anything like that. Hates it if there is any blood when a tooth comes out, has been known to do one armed swimming if he has a graze on his arm and doesn't want to get it wet . When he had chicken pox when he was 4 there was no danger of him scratching the spots as he was petrified of them.

Thought about getting a book but nothing too graphic. Had the Biff and Chip dentist book when he was younger but need something more detailed, maybe a body one not just teeth one.

In respect of me not going to appointments that is not really practicable as I am SAHM and although the dentist is only about 10 minutes from where DH works it is over 30 minutes from home/school and DH would not be able to get enough time off work to take DS there and back. I do try and not show my fear.

When it comes to bribery we very rarely give in

a little different but ds (6yrs) was petrified of the doctors.
couldn't get him through door of surgery,when doctor tried to examine him he would go mad,screaming, crying and hitting out.
doctor prescribed a sedative to take half hour before appointments.next appointment he was fine and cooperative.he's been fine since and doesn't need sedative anymore.still won't talk to the doctor but he's lots better.
maybe u could try this with your ds,it may calm his nerves and realise its not so bad?